It's that time again... to Fall over.


I know that's not the official ditty, but it's how I remember to set my clock back in the fall and ahead in the spring. So tomorrow night we'll all lose an hour sleep and sunlight. Poop.

Today was strange, actually. I woke up early to work on my friend's movie shoot. I worked from 8-4 for her, and instead of being a production P.A. I ended up on craft service. Craft service means providing food for the cast and crew. I spent 1.5 hours cooking pasta in my kitchen for her shoot this afternoon. The DP was great, professional and a nice guy. The gaffer was an asshole, the AD had his knickers in such a twist I thought he was going to spin off and drill a hole in the ceiling with his pointy little head at any moment. we started out on location one of those freaking mansions outside A-town (near the country club, natch). They were just about set up for the first exterior shot when it started raining. AFter it kept coming down, my friend, the writer/director, decided to move the entire scene back to the OTHER location and change it to an interior.

Usually interiors (INT) and exteriors (EXT) are never the actual same place. So that means the exterior shots would be edited to look as if they belonged to all the interior shots (the outside and inside of the same building).

Anyway, so we all packed up our shit (no mean feat, when you have a 17' grip truck full of equipment). We went back to her house (which she's been using for all the INT shots, and man is her house trashed after this week). I basically ended up standing around a lot, then sort of found myself a niche wrangling the cord for the dolly grip. The dolly is a platform on wheels upon which the camera, monitor and DP or camera operator ride for a smooth tracking (moving) shot. The dolly grip is the person who pushes/pulls the dolly. The cord wrangler is the person who makes sure the cords don't get tangled and that there's enough slack, etc. We had gone through a couple rehearsals, and all of a sudden the producer (who my friend has nicknamed "bag of goo" because of his ineptitude) pulls me off that and gives the lame excuse that the PA who's a T-Comm major was supposed to be doing that "That's why he's here." Fuck that shit! That's why I was there, too!

So then he had something else in mind for me -- craft service. My friend had already told me how he'd been stuck with it all week 'cause he found no one to do it. So that's where I came in. Saved his ass, I did. Fed the crew, I did. He was all kinds of smarmy and thanking me profusely. Chump.

Anyway, I left the set at 4:00, which I told my friend I had to do cause I got shit ta DO.

I did meet a very cool Script Super, who's a Chinese American lady. Her name is Belle. I'd like to meet her again one day. I could almost see myself getting back into the game, doing her job...

But then there's all the ego and bullshit of that industry that I am SO OVER. And I'm happy with my job as a teacher/linguist/independent doc maker/writer. I'm proud of my friend for making her dream come true. I'm glad I got to be a small part of it.

The real downside to the day was that I was on my feet all day. Right now I am in a lot of pain - my feet and legs. I decided to walk to campus to at least pretend to do some work and get online. Of course tonight is A-Town's infamous Halloween street party, where people from all over the state gather to make merry and mayhem. Even as I was walking here at 4 in the afternoon, the porch parties were in full swing. So anyway, after that walk I don't know if I can handle walking home, but Bizarro doesn't get out until 10. Yipes. Maybe I'm stuck here?

Hopefully we'll got to Mr. Club's later, that is if bizarro is up to it after working all day. We'll see.

Recently we've been watching Red Dwarf on video (rescued from Bizarro's homestead last week). Really great stuff for letting your brain relax.

Hell's bells. I better get out of here before it gets dark and all the creeps come out.

ADDENDUM

Where the hell is this post? It's in my "Edit Posts" and I published but it's not showing up?!?!

Why can't it just be easy???

Not much time before Chinese class but I want to rant and rave about the fact that even after I spent all morning slaving away and getting a million different things done INCLUDING procuring a site liscense copy of Office XP for Bizarro's new laptop, I couldn't even manage to eat lunch without hassle. I only had about 25 minutes to order and eat, and after I got my order and sat down outside in the lovely sunshine, a horde of bees decended upon me. There were in my food, in my face, and eventually one of the stupid fuckers went into my prized bottle of Arizona Green Tea -- that stuff flies off the shelf at the Oasis and there was ONE bottle left. I had about three sips of it before the stupid-ass "gee this smells like a flower" bee took a nose dive. So I managed to pack up my lunch without any bee carcasses and high-tailed back to the office.

I'm in shitty mood now, having wolfed down my spicy hummus plate (with NOTHING TO DRINK) and now have to go to Chinese class.

I am hyper aware of the fact that Queen Bee (ahhhh maybe THAT's the connection) prolly got my letter today.

Bright and sunny

This title fairly well describes my disposition today. Got up at a reasonable hour, although I was still quite sleepy for some reason. Biked over to open meditation at the Dharma Study Group (DharmaSue and her hubby run that), then had a quick bike ride around the neighborhood just to get some exercise and soak up some sunshine.

Came home, ate kimchi and rice, took a shower and headed to school. I was supposed to crew for my friend who's making a short film this week, but she said she didn't really need me. So I'm "on call" but I'm hoping she doesn't end up needing me 'cause I have a bit of work to do today. But I will be crewing for her all day next Sat., which is when she really needs me. So I think it all works out.

Stayed home all day yesterday except for to drive home my friend Yumi, who came over to watch a movie. We had wanted to watch a Korean movie "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring" but the damned OU library didn't bother to check what Region this Korean DVD was, so we couldn't play it. We ended up watching a video copy of "Sliding Doors" which she had never seen.

These days I'm all about Indian films. Unfortuantely they are hard to find here in Athens. Mira Nair is my current idol in terms of filmmaking.

Welp, gotta get to work. More later, perhaps.

Done Deal

Today hasn't been the best of days. Lots of general annoyances, not the least of which was that the letter for Queen Bee was on a disk that no computer would read. I ended up typing it again (luckly I had a printout of two drafts ago). But it's signed, sealed and will be delivered to her doorstep prolly in a day or two. I spoke with Lama Kathy at length the other night about keeping myself clean in this whole mess, and also taking care of my own well-being. I don't know if there will be a backlash from that letter, but if so I am prepared. I've written a note to myself and attached it to my journal (the notebook, not the on line one) so that I can remind myself why it was appropriate and necessary to send the letter. Now I just want to move on.

Don't know if Mr. Club has heard from Bizarro who was supposed to call this morning and ask about getting together this evening. Hm.

This computer was down all day as the comp. tech guy installed Mac OSX. yay! I can read chinese characters, now!

Well I need to get outta here. Bizarro should be out of the diamond mines by now. His phone's acting up lately, I can't seem to get through to him.

Maybe, perhaps, yes!

Today's title is from an old song by Kraftwork, which was a German electronica band of the 70s and early 80s.

I was having a good morning but then everything came to a screeching halt when I realized I'd ONCE AGAIN left my freaking lunch in the car. I managed to remember to pack my lunch but then on my way out of the car I simply spaced. I hate it when I do that!!!!! AND I left my wallet home because I had it out last night and didn't put it back into my bag. SO I called Bizarro and of course he didn't answer. I guessed he was in the liberry and found him with the earphones jammed into his head, listening to (guess what). Arrgh! But all's well that ends well. He's buying me lunch. :D

I have to study Chinese now. I'm really behind and feeling crummy about it.

Feet don't fail me now!

This morning I went to my doc. about the pain I've been having in my feet, and also my plegm-o-matic sinuses. He dignosed me with Plantar's Faciitis, which is when the muscles in the bottom of the feet contract and pull where they attach to the heel. He said it isn't a severe case, and gave me some stretches to do. He also advised that when i'm not wearing my "good" shoes (i.e. the $113 Naots which I bought last month - they really have lessened the pain) I should wear a heel cup and arch support in my shoes/boots. For the parade-o-plegm he gave me some nasal sprays. Yippee.

So all is well with my 36 year old slightly beat up body.

Last night Bizarro and I were looking at our guest list - the one for the ideal reception that hopefully his parents might chip in for if we're lucky. So far 53 people, not counting anyone his family would want to invite (which is prolly all the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc).

My Lama from the Buddhist center (Sangha) called me last night to talk about Queen Bee, but she called from a private number which didn't show up on my cell phone. I thought it was a telemarketer so I let it go to VM. DOH! So hopefully she'll call back tonight. Although I'm pretty happy with the letter I have ready to send, I really want Lama's advice on this (esp. since Queen Bee was once a member of the Sangha).

It's Wed., which is my soft day. No Chinese class, no OPIE class. Thank gawd. I can get some work done this afternoon.

Oh, remember the wealthy friend of mine/ours who lives across the road? The one who once upon a time felt our friendship was "one sided"? (What is it with people who don't realize how fucked up a person's life is in grad school???). Anyway, she's shooting her short film in the next week and I've agreed to be a PA for a day or two. It'll be so cool, to be back in that world for a couple days.

And speaking of grad school and work to be done...

Addendum-de-dum-dum

My most loathesome class this quarter - Pedagogical Grammar - just became more loathesome. Here we are, the end of Week 7 of the quarter, and the instructor tells us that we have a final project in place of a final exam. The final project is a huge-ass research project that will culminate either in a 20-30 page paper, or some kind of presentation in class. This is basically a pro-sem, which we are given an entire year to accomplish as a requirement for graduating. One of our elite squad memebers went to the graduate chair and complained, and 20 minutes later the graduate chair was in the office of the department director. This instructor is gonna get an ass-whuppin' (but he's Indonesian, and with the rather sizable and visible Selot (sp?) community in this tiny town, I'm not sure who'll be getting the ass-whuppin). Oh how I love departmental intrigue!

Tuna on Wheat

That's my lunch today. Plus a bag of Munchies and some Arizona Green Tea. Mmmm.

Managed to get through this morning even though we got up really late and I knew I had to squeeze in a lot of work before Chinese class at 1:00 (I have about 15 minutes left of lunch).

Last night Bizarro and I stayed up until the wee hours penning (or pencilling, as it were) a letter to Queen Bee up in Columbus (as she will now be known - not to be confused with Sue Bee, which I shall rename as DharmaSue for clarity. Damn all this anonymity anyway!).

Bizarro was so very sweet and helpful, staying up with me and giving me very constructive feedback on how to phrase exactly what I meant, avoiding inflamatory language, etc. So I'm going to sit on the letter for a couple of days, look at it again tomorrow, and perhaps send it out on Friday or Thursday. If I send it Thursday she'll get it on Sat. probably. If I send it Friday she'll likely get it next Monday. Does that even matter? Maybe not. But I have to accept that if I send the letter, which is honest and lays it out pretty clearly, she may decide to dump the friendship entirely, rather than take the hiatus I suggest so that we can both figure out what we want out of this friendship. And as DharmaSue reminded me the other day, whatever response she may have is NOT my responsibility.

In analyzing myself throughout this experience, I have come to the conclusion that my own karmic lesson with all of this is perhaps to relieve myself of being so goddam responsible for other people's feelings all the time. By doing this, I have swallowed my own feelings / needs and often just end up feeling resentful, often to the point of just walking away. This extends beyond friendship into the work place. I can't tell you how many jobs I went through back when I was just trying to eek a living, before I had a calling or a goal. One job after another in which I sucked down abuse and incompetence, until finally I just reached a breaking point and quit the job. After a few of those on the ole' resume it starts to look fishy.

Anyway, I continue to pray that both QueenBee and myself get out of this situation what we need to, in terms of the friendship but more importantly in terms of lessons that are here.

Now I have to snark down my sammich and get to class.

Karma or just a bad connection?

So Bizarro and I went to Columbus on Saturday to hear Bardor Rinpoche speak. It was marvelous - a packed house and both he and the translator, Lama Yeshe, were in a good mood. The Friday before I had ridden up with a friend of mine from Athens to hear the public talk, which was full of levity and yet very poignant.

But Saturday's vibe was brought to a screeching halt when we went to visit this friend of mine. Suffice it to say that I'm ready to call it quits with this woman who seems SO needy, SO self-oriented and so completely unaware. I do care about what is going on with her, but I also have to care about my own sanity in the sense that I've given way too much to this person. So at this point I'm not questioning IF I need to end the relationship, but HOW. Do I send a well-crafted letter explaining it to her? Or do I just walk away from it and maybe try talking to her in a few weeks (at which point she'll be pissed because I haven't called her lately - I've already been accused of being "absent" when I got busy with grad school and didn't call for a couple weeks). It seems no matter what I do, it's never enough or good enough for her. *shrug*

In other news, I'm carrying a 96 average in my Chinese class. Hooray for me! I'm trying to figure out what to take next quarter but it's all FUBAR'd because the department has a few classes in conflict next quarter, so the schedule is up in the air. I have found a possible job opp at Syrause University's English Language Program for next year, so I feel strongly that having a class in teaching college writing would be good for me. Plus I love to write (although you'd never know it given that I've written nothing but papers for the last year and a half).

Anyway, gotta grab a coffee and head to class.

Slicker than snot

This describes the inside of my nose and the back of my throat pretty well after having what seems like the flu for the last week.

Today I am feeling human again, finally. I taught my class this morning and am going to take a make-up quiz in Chinese on Monday since I only had one class this week and am totally not ready for it today. This evening I am riding up to Columbus with my friend Su-Bee to meet with BTR. Tomorrow Bizarro has off, so depending upon how we're both feeling we'll maybe do something interesting.

For now it's safe to say that I'm feeling much better, save for the constant phlegm parade in my head. *sigh*

Over the River and Through the Trees...

I'm feeling better today, although still coughing and sneezing and wheezing. I seem to be over the fever, at least. Managed to get up and teach my 8 a.m. class.

I have a working theory about my on-going sick - that is that my immune system got trashed in China and so I'm just really weak and vulnerable to viruses and allergens here. Honestly, I don't know what else it can be. Although I've been somewhat stressed, I'm not NEARLY as stressed as I was last year at this time. I don't think my worries about the future are helping any, though. I'm just going to try to get back to focusing on the present and not worrying about the future. I just don't want to be blindsided by the future when all of a sudden the future is NOW and I'm still basking in the glow of "I graduated with this degree, ain't I swell?"

In any case, I am feeling a little more at ease today. If I can get this cold whipped and boost my immune system I'll be doing ok.

Last night talked to Lin, my T'ai Chi instructor from 10 years ago. She's in California these days. It was great to hear her voice and know that she's still doing her thing.

Welp, gotta grab some eats and hit the Language Lab for Chinese.

Addendum - 12:50 p.m.

If anyone knows of a good decongestant, whether herbal or otherwise, please let me know! My ears feel like I'm flying in a depressurized airplane.

On another note, I've realized recently that I have let quite a few friendships lapse into non-communicative states. This past Sunday was the former friend in Boston's birthday, and I guess thinking about that as an upcoming event made me realize that instead of pining for her, I should be resurrecting other friendships with people who have meant a great deal to me along the way. I contacted my other childhood friend, Kev, who also lives in the Boston area, and had a good chat with him. I'll invite him and his wife to our wedding reception, if such an event should take place. I also got in touch with my former Tae Kwon Do teacher from undergrad, who I've sort of kept in touch with sporadically over the years. He'll also be invited to said reception, and also his son who I used to practice with way back when he was a lil' whipper snapper with a mohawk. On Sat. I sent a note to the parents of a good friend of mine from the undergrad TKD days, a guy who I hung out with just as friends until he moved out of state and got married. He was a good friend to me - one of the few guys who could just be friends without sexual tension or other weirdnesses. He was instrumental in my early training in TKD, so I have a lot to be thankful to him for.

All this is to say that I am turning toward the relationships that have been positive and supportive, and mutually beneficial, and turning away from those which have either harmed me or have drained me and left me feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. Those are few in number, to be honest, but I intend to put my energies where they are most likely to be appreciated in a positive way, not a needy or manipulative way.

And now I must go to Chinese class. Zaijian!

Why so blue?

Other than the fact that it's Monday, I don't know why I'm feeling so down. Well okay, actually I've been sliding downhill every since Bizarro and this rents made up. Maybe like the anti-climax that is the day after Christmas? Anyway, I'm also sick again... or still... It's been a good 5 weeks of upper-respiratory misery. I had pretty much gotten (gotten? is that even a word) over my cold from LAST week and then yesterday I went rummaging around in my closet, pulling out a defunct sewing machine, a couple of tattered Halloween wind socks, and a big afghan that my mom mades years ago. well SOMETHING in that goddamn closet made my eyes practically swell shut and my throat felt like someone had taken freshly shorn wool and rubbed it all over my tonsils (I am allergic to wool). The afghan is NOT made of wool - it's totally man made fibers and I've used it for years without trouble. So that resulted in me being miserable for the rest of the day, and waking up this morning with a bona fide sore throat, severe congestion, headache, fatigue and etc etc etc etc.

It's like I have a severe allergic reaction to something and my immune system goes straight to hell in a handbasket and I manifest whatever virus has been beating down my door. Since Bizarro was sick at the END of last week, I assume this is his disease (same symptoms).

FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK. I am so sick of being sick!!! I have so much work to do and it's bad enough that my attitude has been in the crapper for the last two weeks, my body is following suit. I don't know what to do.

I'm gonna see my D.O. next week and he'll probably try to get me on some hippy-dippy homeopathic. The bun is in your mind!.

Yeah, right. Well I gotta get back to work. Maybe I'll go to the Hudson Stealth Clinic.

Mid Term Madness

In about 2 hours and 20 minutes I'll be taking my Chinese mid-term. So this entry will be short cause I gotta cram.

Gave my class their mid term in-class writing today. I have a ton of work to do for that class. About half of the class shouldn't even be in there - they still need more work on basic writing and even speaking skills. The other half who are ready for the level of composition work we're doing will be bored if I slow things down too much. Oy.

Yesterday gave a smashingly successful initial presentation for my pro sem proposal. Now I have to write the damned thing and fill out the tedious IRB forms. IRB is a joke for linguistic research. Anyway, I have to jump through this hoop so I'm just gonna get it done as soon as possible.

I'm really hoping Bizarro can get time off at T'giving for us to go to his parents' house. But then there's also Christmas, so god knows how he's gonna get time off for that too. I freaking hate retail !!!

Anyway, I need food and gotta study. One last thing - watched Monsoon Wedding last night for a break. I love that flick! I wanna see more Mira Nair movies!

Mind tinking!

Regarding Bizarro's blow up in the car yesterday (for a full account visit his blog)... recently (as in the past year or two) I've been thinking a lot about the Buddhist concept of reality vs. perceived reality. Ego has a lot to do with how we perceive reality. We think and feel in terms of how a situation or person impacts our righteous selves. We often see things in terms of "how am I getting fucked here?" Gawd only knows I do this all the damn time -- ESPECIALLY when it comes to I.O.U. (my new name for O.U.) as you might have noticed.

But the point is... how can I, how can anyone, get a grip on this instant reaction of "how am I getting fucked here?" I don't want to be the eternal victim always overreacting to every little thing, thinking that the entire world is nothin' but assholes, pricks, bitches and shit heads. That is no way to live. That is no way to be at peace with oneself or the world.

Neither do I want to be rolled over and taken advantage of, however. So what's a girl to do? Well I've been doing this Buddhist meditation thing for awhile, and though I'm lazy at putting aside time to "sit" as well call it, I have found that watching my mind and allowing my mind to come to rest does in fact allow me to remain calm in the face of potential anger-induced ego-puffing. So maybe I only get mad at the dirty dishes once in a week instead of 5 times. Or maybe I only get in a snit about IOU once a day instead of 5 times a day. I know that if I were to practice more, to sit more often, my mind would continue to become more tame.

This creates a sense of confidence -- as I (tried to ) describe to Bizarro yesterday in the car yesterday after his steering wheel-pounding-obscenity-screaming-overreaction-defending scene, it's better to radiate a sense of "you can't fuck with me" rather than a sense of "you don't wanna fuck with me." Being in that state of peace of mind allows a person to better handle situations as they arise, including setting boundaries, and not having to defend anything to anyone. But it also means that only a small fraction of the shit that would normally get your goat will have any effect on you.

At any rate, this is what I'm striving for in my own life, because I have my own anger issues. Maybe similar to Bizarro, I often felt powerless and was at the mercy of others' tempers and bad manners when I was a kid. As an adult I was left with a feeling of needing to be uber-critical of the entire world around me (as well as myself) thereby putting a lot of ridiculous expectations up there to be knocked down time after time. Gradually this resulted in me feeling like there was something wrong with ME. When in fact, the only thing wrong was my perception of the world and the people in it. Of course people do stupid shit, of course people are ignorant... but I also try to separate the things people do from the people themselves. This gets into karma and actions, and the innate Buddha nature of all beings... but that's another discussion for another day.

I struggle everyday with perfectionism - and this causes a lot of frustration and anger that I must find ways of dealing with. So far the only thing I have discovered that even comes close to working for me is shinay meditation.

And on that note... I have to do some work on my pro seminar paper.

Just another manic Tuesday

Yesterday I was feeling ill with a cold, stayed home half the day. Today feeling a little better in the morning but by 12:30 I was hittin the skids again. Practically fell asleep in Chinese class - not because I was bored but because I felt like shite. Afterward, went up to the 6th floor of the library and found myself a little settee upon which to nap for 20-25 minutes. Feeling somewhat refreshed, sat in my Research Methods class with a cup o Joe and took copious notes about Unaccusative verbs.

I have a shitload of work this week. Taking lots of Cold -Eeze and Advil Cold to get me through. Thank gawd I don't have to teach at 8 a.m. tomorrow. I can sleep in and hopefully be feeling spry for afternoon class and lots of work to be done.

Tonight I want to watch the movie Osama. Bizarro brought it home for me yesterday but by the time he got home it was already 10 and I couldn't stay up so late. We watched Chris Rock and I fell asleep on the couch (after doing copious amounts of grading student work and Chinese homework).

I really hope we can visit Mr. and Mrs. Bizarro (aka Bmom and Bdad -- she said to call them mom and dad!!) at Thanksgiving time. I want to meet Bizarro's sister, (I'll call her R&B - yes it stands for something but I won't get into that now).

Had the opportunity to chat on-line with the Bulgarian teacher who graduated from my program last year, who was in China with me this past summer. I also got a note from ScarfGirl, the teacher I bonded with so well over there. All in all, I'm missing my daze there - being a student sucks rocks!

Last night had to bring my plants in off the patio - it was cold enough for frost! Tonight too, it will be cold. This morning we fired up the brazier for the first time this season. I hate the cold. Why the frick are we moving to Upstate NY again???

Bizarro's on his way over here as I write this. Gotta gather my things for the evening and get outta Dodge.

Annyong Haseyo!

Today's title is Korean for Hello! (polite form). Last night our movie was a Korean flick called "My Sassy Girl" (I highly recommend it BTW) and it totally made me miss Korea. I really think of Ulsan, Korea as my second home. It's not much bigger than Columbus but it holds so much for me. Today, I tried emailing my Korean friend who was my roommate for awhile, but her inbox is apparently full so it bounce. I also emailed a Canadian teacher friend of mine who was my good buddy while I was over there (she's now in Seoul) but HER freaking inbox is full too.

Anyway, the news of the week is, of course, that I met Bizarro's parents in a very unplanned and stressful scenario. All's well that ends well, however. Their reunion with Bizarro (after 2 years of being estranged) was very moving, and they seem to love me (quite a feat after his last girfriend, apparently). I think they are adorable and very funny. Even in the short time we spent together, I started seeing all kinds of things that clearly explained certain -isms of Bizarro. For instance, Bizarro always insists on parking in the nearest possible parking space, even if it means driving around the parking lot and wasting time when we could have already walked there and been inside. His dad did this same thing outside the Bob Evans. Two spots were 3 spots away from each other, and his wife suggested the one closest to us. But no, he had to swerve the car to get the one closest to the door. I looked at Bizarro in that moment and he wore this triumphant "SEE?" expression on his face. It was hilarious. I look forward to many more of those moments.

So now this huge healing has taken place and our lives are forever changed. Bizarro's whole countenence his lightened, his mood has shifted. I realize now with its absence, there was a dark gloom that always seemed to hover. We're hoping his folks send us to the Philippines for our honeymoon, and then we can jaunt over to Korea for a few days. We'll see!

After the debacle which was yesterday, today is going along ok. Did some laundry and will bring home work to do so I can take a day off from Gordy Hall. I have papers to grade and stuff to write for classes, not to mention Chinese to study. Bizarro reminded me that financial woes aren't so bad when there's two of us to tackle the problem, and I feel better about things. Mostly I was pissed at myself because I had chosen a payroll option (more or less) and forgotten the consequences. Ah well...

Welp, I've about chomped through an hour and 20 on this here computer, so it's high time I get my buns in gear and get some work done.

Happy belated Chinese National Day (Oct. 1)!!

Poop on a stick

Man how time flies! I've forgotten everything about blogging. Ah well.

Today royally sucked ass. Everything I tried to do ended up with a stinky smell all too reminiscant of dog poo poo. Culminating with the opening of my pay stub from OU, which was $200 short of what it oughta be. Long story short, OU changed their blah blah deal with your financial aid and billing procedures this year. Everything was done on line, I didn't even sign a contract for my T.A. position. Apprently I clicked on something that said fees and insurance would be deducted from my paycheck instead of out of student loans.... which explains the surprise $522 overage refund that showed up in the middle of the month. That money is now GONE because I just figured it was OU screwing up, not realizing it was actually student loan money that was refunded because those fees would be deducted from my pay. So now I'm fucked.

And instead of wallowing at home with a good book or something, I'm here at school because I'm an officer of the LSOU (department student group) and I helped organize a movie night. Which starts in 20 mins. I'll get the movie going and then I'm out of here.

So much stupid shit today on top of this - crapped all over a Chinese quiz, drove out to see a friend (the one who lives near Mr. Club) only to be stood up, had a terrible class this morning (I teach at 8 a.m. this quarter) and had to buy the fixins' for the movie night (popcorn and cider) at the Diamond Mine-- where of course it's the 1st of the month so everyone in the county was there at 5:30 buying groceries. Went through Bizarro's line. Poor guy. He could tell I was upset. Couldn't tell him the whole story so I just said "OU strikes again." FUCKERS!

I should be feeling happy and relieved after meeting his parents this week. But today I just feel like I wanna put my foot through a wall. I really do love his folks. Their reunion was very moving, and I am very happy for Bizarro, who kept saying all day on Wednesday "I have a family again!"

Well I gotta start popping the corn I guess. Blarg.