Because someone always has it worse.

I Need A New Fucking Job.

While I'm searching for careers/jobs in the Boston area, I come across all kinds of things, and this hilariously written account of some poor, disenchanted twenty-something in Chicago helps me realize I'm not the only one looking for change and less bullshit in her life.

Whining Decommencacon!

I have embraced the summer as it is, even with no job. I am going to write and make my film. Balls to the rest of 'em. I might have to get some temp work in July to pay August bills, but I'm not going to worry too much about that right now. I'm trying not to be bitter about having all these advanced degrees, the advanced debt that goes with them, and no job or even prospects. For now. But I am on the road to making a plan to get out of this mess. It will require sacrifice, change, maybe even a few knobs to polish. So be it.

Connexions

Last night I went to a panel on "getting your big break" which was part of a week-long film festival in town. It was enlightening, and I got to hang out with the filmmakers and met a couple other adjunct profs from where I teach in the cinema department. Made for a late night, but one has to suffer for one's art. I picked up a few business cards and gave out a few.

Tonight going to try to make it to a couple screenings with Bizarro. I am utterly exhausted though, getting home close to 1 a.m. Will need a nap before I go back out.

Still sorting through where I want to be and what I want to do this summer. I'm hoping maybe to teach in a summer ESL program in L.A. I also hear that there may be some part time teaching for me this fall after all at my current digs.

Meeting the documentarians last night has inspired me to get over myself and just get the Korea doc finished. I realized that I am going to to need help with editing, so I think I'll put together a selection of shots and then maybe in Fall semester I can work out for a student to edit for credit, though they might not let me do that because I'm "only an adjunct" and we aren't allowed to do independent studies. Fuckers. Well maybe I can work something out anyway.

Trying to maintain a positive attitude with everything going on, but it's been tough and I admit I've been feeling pretty depressed (complete with sleeping too much and not having energy or focus for anything but the basics). I guess this is normal, considering the immense loss I just went through, plus the shithole that is my money and job situation, as well as other concerns that demand my attention right now. Overwhelmed much? It's also very aggravating when I get in from a night of schmoozing with filmmakers to an apartment that is loaded with 2nd hand smoke from my smokestack neighbor. And this Central NY weather is not helping! Fucking snow out there today. Not a lot, but it's cold, damp, overcast, rain/snow flurries. What was that about a positive attitude?

Maybe I should just go teach ESL in Hawaii this summer and give myself a vacation!

A Day

"Today was an asshole" was my tagline this evening, until things started looking up. My manager friend in LA is interested in seeing my sci fi script. This is EXACTLY what I needed. Movement...

Writing Retreat - Day 4b

So far a tremendously productive day, despite the snow. I've decided for the rest of my time here I'm going to focus on these two screenplays, and put the TV pilot and the film aside. I have 2.5 days left, roughly, and my goal now is to get them both polished enough to send to my manager friend in L.A. Hopefully he won't send them back and tell me to get a job as a bank teller.

Are you frakking KIDDING me?

My f'ing car broke down last night while Bizarro and I enjoyed a hot fudge brownie sundae at our local pub-n-grub. Came out about 8 p.m. and it wouldn't even pretend to turn over. Battery is fine. So it must be the starter. AGAIN. It has to be the electrical system. I just spend $260 in October on a new starter! At the crack of morning I walked in the below-freezing snow-and-ice tundra back to the car where we'd left it last night (after walking home in even more sub-freezing temps - the hot fudge did NOT keep me warm). The tow truck came around 8:45 this morning and I haven't heard a peep since (it's currently 1:25 in the afternoon).

I am seriously considering the need to buy another car. Paid this one off last summer, but between the multitudes of repairs and the need for car rentals for long trips to Cleveland or Boston, it's starting to feel like I need to bite the bullet and make monthly payments. The cost of repairs/rentals since June of '06 is averaging $100 a month anyway.

I spent the morning researching cars, dealers, APRs and budget constraints. So much for my plan for the day. Completely obliterated. I can still make out the thank you cards though; I don't need a car for that.

I am trying not to get too bent out of shape about this, but it is just one more reason why I need a serious job instead of this piecemeal adjunct crap. Just one more reason, in my mind, to get the hell out of Upstate NY where the winters are brutal and the jobs are flimsy.

And I just have to say: "LIKE I REALLY NEEDED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW." The Universe can't even give me a full week of mourning without catapulting the next bag of moldy cow shit in my face.

The Write Stuff

I did it! I sent off some free lance writing queries to local publications with 5 story ideas, and two of them responded with interest in having me write my proposed articles! The glossy regional magazine wants me to write about the local artists' colony and my life in Korea; the local paper has a life section (as most papers do) and that editor is interested my other three ideas: the history of local theaters, the local Taoist T'ai Chi Society chapter, and (best of all, IMO), doing a series of reviews on supposedly haunted locations!

I am beside myself with excitement. Things are starting to happen - and all it took was a deep breath and a little self-confidence. I am hopeful that this will be the beginning of some semi-regular free lancing.

My Big Break

It's a perfectly sunny, warm spring morning. I am riding the high of this weekend, and hopefully will be for some time to come.

On Saturday I went to a forum that was held as part of the Finger Lakes Environmental Film Festival, which really isn't "environmental" the way you think it is. Anyway, the forum was on "getting your break" into the film biz. The panel members were all active filmmakers, writers, producers etc. with a wide variety of backgrounds. One of them was my mentor/supervisor at work, who is a published novelist and screenwriter. She introduced me to a fairly big name in L.A., someone who's won awards for his writing, who's written for TV and film. It was a brief but inspiring conversation with him (his name is Steve).

I came away from the forum chock full of ideas and notions about myself as a writer, and my career as a writer. The #1 thing: seek validation and grow in confidence. Much of the validation I'd been lacking has been here all along, and I just needed to see it. The panel and Steve in particular said a few things that really made me think about what I have accomplished, and that I haven't really allowed myself the feeling of confidence based on those accomplishments.

That's point #2: the "big break" may not be and usually isn't some magical moment of being "discovered" but rather the moments of meeting people and being in the right place at the right time which lead to the point in your career where you feel you've "made it." Which means you have to put yourself out there as much as you have to be sitting at the computer writing. This has never been easy for me. But Saturday night I had good practice:

Sat. night Bizarro, PMP and I went to a screening of The Namesake, directed by Mira Nair (one of my faves), and based on the novel of the same name by Jhumpa Lahiri (who also published a book of short stories, called Interpreter of Maladies). The film was really a feast and was very moving. The moderators of the discussion afterward left something to be desired (to put it mildly). After the screening, the three of us wanted to go out for a drink. We decided to hit the FLEFF after party and so that's what we did. It was a great little soiree (and the space was loung-a-rific at the Lost Dog Cafe in downtown Ithaca). And Steve was there - and I decided it was now or never. I screwed up the courage to re-introduce myself and he remembered me. We had a really great conversation about teaching screenwriting, and about getting agents, and about the film we'd seen earlier that night (he was also at that screening of The Namesake and had given the awful discussion moderator a run for her money). It was a great conversation to have, and he seems like a really cool guy.

I also made sure the festival directors knew who I was and offered to help next year in whatever way possible. Steve stood there (having known me all of maybe 30 minutes total at that point) and put in a number of good words for me with the festival director. Next year, I will hopefully be moderating a film discussion, which will thrill me to the bones.

Before he left for the evening, I made sure I said good-bye to Steve and he invited me to email him anytime.

How is THAT for a productive, fun evening? I'm usually shy about talking to strangers and almost complete strangers, but when I connect to someone, it's easy. I felt I connected well with Steve and I'm proud of myself for taking the initiative. Not only that, I took the initiative to volunteer myself for next year's festival with the directors.

Well, I'm tired from all this patting myself on the back, so I better get back to my morning's work. Here's to my big break, which has already begun!