Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It's Life Jim, But Not As We Know It...
Last night's episode of Paranormal State featured a young woman who was demonically possessed. At one point, Ryan Buell interviewed a psychologist to get his take on the young woman's mental health. The psychologist said that he believed the girl believed something was going on, and as such he had to take it seriously. He didn't feel she had schizophrenia, but didn't exactly rule out disassociative disorder. I got me thinking again about the powerful connection between mind and body. I can't say one way or another whether the girl was actually possessed, but if someone really believes they are being tormented by some other entity, perhaps an exorcism really is the only way to go. This ritual means something to the afflicted person, and therefore that person could potentially release the negativity involved.
This gets me thinking even deeper about the concept of demonic possession. Ancient religion calls it a demon - personifies it, more or less, into a being that has will, intent, independent thought, etc. But what if this negativity is actually a manifestation of a deeply-seated HUMAN impulse that has been relegated to the depths of our experience because we have rules of righteousness and sanity that we are supposed to follow. IOW, the grossest parts of ourselves manifest as a possession because somehow the conscious mind can't deal with the innate "evil." Maybe some deeply troubled psyches become serial killers, and others are possessed as a form of self-torture. I'm sure there are bookshelves of books on the matter, and quite frankly I don't have time to read all the literature. But it is something interesting to think about.
In Buddhist tradition, there are demons, but depending upon what tradition and sect you consult, some of these demons are projections of human weaknesses, while others are actual beings. However, given that it is Buddhism, nothing really exists independently, anyway, so it's all a matter of human construct.
How's THAT for a mind fuck?
This gets me thinking even deeper about the concept of demonic possession. Ancient religion calls it a demon - personifies it, more or less, into a being that has will, intent, independent thought, etc. But what if this negativity is actually a manifestation of a deeply-seated HUMAN impulse that has been relegated to the depths of our experience because we have rules of righteousness and sanity that we are supposed to follow. IOW, the grossest parts of ourselves manifest as a possession because somehow the conscious mind can't deal with the innate "evil." Maybe some deeply troubled psyches become serial killers, and others are possessed as a form of self-torture. I'm sure there are bookshelves of books on the matter, and quite frankly I don't have time to read all the literature. But it is something interesting to think about.
In Buddhist tradition, there are demons, but depending upon what tradition and sect you consult, some of these demons are projections of human weaknesses, while others are actual beings. However, given that it is Buddhism, nothing really exists independently, anyway, so it's all a matter of human construct.
How's THAT for a mind fuck?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Dusk to Dawn
Right now I feel as if the dawn is only a couple hours away. Soon it will be a new day stretching out ahead.
Yesterday Sue and I spent 9 hours working in Mom's apartment, packing and throwing out and organizing. It was a mammoth chore and I would NOT have been able to make it through without her amazing, tender, spirited, positive help. Even though she's not online to read this, I want to shout a loving thank you to the Universe for Sue H!
Next weekend is the move! I think the hard part is over, to be honest. Loading a truck and getting things to their new homes will be a cinch compared to yesterday.
Of course, we still need to rearrange OUR apartment to accommodate the influx of new furniture and belongings that are pouring in. This will be a challenge, to be sure, but I still think yesterday was the worst of the entire process, as far as the move itself goes.
Mom's spirits are up, and I was very proud of her yesterday, getting through a difficult day of deciding things to keep and things to toss. I know it was emotional for her, but she held up like a trooper, and I made sure to tell her numerous times what a great job she was doing, as did Sue.
Friday I discovered a wonderful new favorite spot, which I returned to today with friends Tim and Leigh from out of town. The sun is out, the temps are balmy (for late October) and the kite surfers were out there! I finally met in person one of the surfers I've been emailing with. I am now fully committed to getting ready for windsurfing in the spring - they have a face to the name and that means I can't chicken out!
The rest of today I am organizing myself for the week and will do some writing. Mood: optimistic but a bit tired.
Last but not least: lots of positive can-do-it energy to PMP who is doing her A-exam tomorrow. I know she will sail through, answer the hard questions, and impress them with her knowledge base and her dedication to the research. GO, PMP!
Yesterday Sue and I spent 9 hours working in Mom's apartment, packing and throwing out and organizing. It was a mammoth chore and I would NOT have been able to make it through without her amazing, tender, spirited, positive help. Even though she's not online to read this, I want to shout a loving thank you to the Universe for Sue H!
Next weekend is the move! I think the hard part is over, to be honest. Loading a truck and getting things to their new homes will be a cinch compared to yesterday.
Of course, we still need to rearrange OUR apartment to accommodate the influx of new furniture and belongings that are pouring in. This will be a challenge, to be sure, but I still think yesterday was the worst of the entire process, as far as the move itself goes.
Mom's spirits are up, and I was very proud of her yesterday, getting through a difficult day of deciding things to keep and things to toss. I know it was emotional for her, but she held up like a trooper, and I made sure to tell her numerous times what a great job she was doing, as did Sue.
Friday I discovered a wonderful new favorite spot, which I returned to today with friends Tim and Leigh from out of town. The sun is out, the temps are balmy (for late October) and the kite surfers were out there! I finally met in person one of the surfers I've been emailing with. I am now fully committed to getting ready for windsurfing in the spring - they have a face to the name and that means I can't chicken out!
The rest of today I am organizing myself for the week and will do some writing. Mood: optimistic but a bit tired.
Last but not least: lots of positive can-do-it energy to PMP who is doing her A-exam tomorrow. I know she will sail through, answer the hard questions, and impress them with her knowledge base and her dedication to the research. GO, PMP!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Well it's been quite a roller coaster. Had a great weekend in Mass. but came back to the same old pile of shit which apparently got deeper while I wasn't looking.
Today I was wrestling with trying to figure out Mom's dialysis schedule and transportation for after her move, when the dialysis social worker came out with the news that Mom may have early stages of dementia.
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? WHY ISN'T A DOCTOR ON THE PHONE WITH ME? WHY DO I HEAR THIS FROM A FUCKING SOCIAL WORKER? (A very nice, concerned social worker, but a social worker nonetheless).
She claimed that the nurses in Mom's dialysis unit had noticed her "slowing down" as did the social worker herself, and apparently the nurses in the ICU when she was in the hospital a couple weeks ago noticed her forgetfulness, too. JEZUZ FUCKING KRIST.
So now on top of the immense, indescribable stress of moving her out of county and her general state of affairs, we now have dementia to look forward to. Needless to say, I haven't mentioned any of this to Mom. She's cruising along as she usually does, and is happy to be moving closer to me. I can only pray that when she's set up in her new home, she will have enough support and will be comfortable for the remainder of her life. I pray to anyone who will listen with a kind heart that Mom doesn't end up without any of her marbles. That's how my Grandmother was when she died and I really truly do not think I can take it. I really don't think I will be able to cope if that happens to my own Mother. My Momazoo.
Today I was wrestling with trying to figure out Mom's dialysis schedule and transportation for after her move, when the dialysis social worker came out with the news that Mom may have early stages of dementia.
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? WHY ISN'T A DOCTOR ON THE PHONE WITH ME? WHY DO I HEAR THIS FROM A FUCKING SOCIAL WORKER? (A very nice, concerned social worker, but a social worker nonetheless).
She claimed that the nurses in Mom's dialysis unit had noticed her "slowing down" as did the social worker herself, and apparently the nurses in the ICU when she was in the hospital a couple weeks ago noticed her forgetfulness, too. JEZUZ FUCKING KRIST.
So now on top of the immense, indescribable stress of moving her out of county and her general state of affairs, we now have dementia to look forward to. Needless to say, I haven't mentioned any of this to Mom. She's cruising along as she usually does, and is happy to be moving closer to me. I can only pray that when she's set up in her new home, she will have enough support and will be comfortable for the remainder of her life. I pray to anyone who will listen with a kind heart that Mom doesn't end up without any of her marbles. That's how my Grandmother was when she died and I really truly do not think I can take it. I really don't think I will be able to cope if that happens to my own Mother. My Momazoo.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tim Wakefield is a Loser
The Sox got stomped by the Rays in the 4th game of the ALCS and it's Tim Wakefield's fault. Him and his stupid knuckleball. What the hell?
Things don't bode well for the Red Sox, but remember, folks, they were in the same spot last year - won the first game then lost three in a row to the Indians, and we all know what happened - Cleveland got handed their little white towels.
GO SOX!
Things don't bode well for the Red Sox, but remember, folks, they were in the same spot last year - won the first game then lost three in a row to the Indians, and we all know what happened - Cleveland got handed their little white towels.
GO SOX!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Surf's Up!
My obsession with surfing and windsurfing continues. Got myself on the listserv for the local windsurfing club, and have been reading voraciously. Went to the Ginormous Liberry Sale and picked up a couple used books on surfing, one on windsurfing, and one on Yoga. (I loves me the Ginormous Liberry Sale).
So yesterday I did the deed, finally. I spoke with my supervisor about my unhappiness with the full-time position and she was very gracious and understanding, and said she wasn't totally surprised. She knew when I went full-time that I may not like it, but figured she'd keep me for as long as possible. She indicated there may be a possibility to cut me back to 2 days a week like I was before, if they can hire a good person for the other 3. That would be ideal, since I have two sections to teach next semester, but we shall see. In any event, things feel much lighter for me now.
Unfortunately, this week was made more stressful by the fact that Mom went into the hospital on Monday, but she's coming home tomorrow. First she was to go home yesterday, then they pushed it to "the weekend" and finally we found out this morning that they're springing her tomorrow. I will spend tomorrow and overnight in Elmira and get her to dialysis on Monday morning before heading back to the City on the Edge of Forever. Thankfully, Monday is a holiday so I don't have to work and I can be there for Mom in the pinch.
And THEN on Thursday I'm off to Mass! Found another Tiki-themed restuarant to hit while I'm out there. I'll be sure to file a report when I get back.
Today is GLORIOUS and we spent a lovely morning at the farmers' market before hitting the book sale. I'm getting to all the things that have lain moldy all week - laundry, haus kleening, shopping, etc. today. Will chill out this evening with my man (Bizarro, that is) and my surfing books.
A few things to look forward to in the coming months:
Massachusetts: Family, beach, Tiki, Place Where I Was Birthed.
Halloween - we're going on a "haunted tour" of our fair city and will be doing so in costume. I'm pretty sure I'll be the Queen of Hearts (I've always wanted to do that) and Bizarro nabbed himself a Burger King mask (creepy).
Mom's Move - it won't be fun, but the work is worth the enjoyment we'll receive afterwards.
Thanksgiving - to Cleveland! Filipino food and all our favorite Cleveland places: Caribou Coffee, Chipotle, and the frozen Erie shore.
New Year's - to Cleveland again! And on the way we are stopping at the Splash Lagoon overnight for a faux-tropical paradise with many Tiki elements to soak up.
For the moment, I feel like I can breathe again, and there's a great wave coming in for me to ride!
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Oh I'm workin' my way back to you babe...
With a burning love inside...
Oh, maybe that's just heartburn from ALL THE FREAKING STRESS.
It's okay, though. I'm okay. I stayed home last night instead of going to either Yoga or counseling and "burrowed," which means I did some light housekeeping and then wrapped up in a blanket and read my books on surfing, then watched the Red Sox win the ALDS East. Wah-hoo!
On a very sad note, my sister-in-law's father died yesterday morning. I am sending lots of prayers and hugs to her and her family. He was a very funny guy and I liked him a lot. He and his wife were very welcoming to me and my Mom when we visited out there (in Mass.) and I know he will be missed by many.
I am trying to remain positive in the face of a lot of uncertainty and unfortunate news. It doesn't help that today at the chorch will the be third funeral in as many weeks (and each of them old ladies).
This is a rough time but I know I'll get through it. The good news is that I am starting to feel more at home here in our little City on the Edge of Forever (Star Trek reference for those who care). I am starting to feel like I have real potential here, and I am finding activities and people who suit me. These are all slow in coming, but they are coming, and I am starting to relax about the idea of being here for at least the next few years, if not Forever. We'll see how things pan out after Bizarro gets his master's degree and where we think we're headed.
In the meantime, I am finding ways to beat the winter blues, which means investing in some really good outerwear, a light box, Yoga, and eventually swimming at the Y, which I intend to start up once I've paid Mom's way into the assisted living place.
I will be giving my notice at the church in a couple weeks; a conversation I am not looking forward to. The more I put it off, the harder it becomes, and I knew this would be the case, which is why I wanted to do it a few weeks ago. But, with Mercury in Retrograde, I'm glad I didn't try to do it sooner.
Okay, time to get ready for work (speak of the devil in Pope's clothing).
Oh, maybe that's just heartburn from ALL THE FREAKING STRESS.
It's okay, though. I'm okay. I stayed home last night instead of going to either Yoga or counseling and "burrowed," which means I did some light housekeeping and then wrapped up in a blanket and read my books on surfing, then watched the Red Sox win the ALDS East. Wah-hoo!
On a very sad note, my sister-in-law's father died yesterday morning. I am sending lots of prayers and hugs to her and her family. He was a very funny guy and I liked him a lot. He and his wife were very welcoming to me and my Mom when we visited out there (in Mass.) and I know he will be missed by many.
I am trying to remain positive in the face of a lot of uncertainty and unfortunate news. It doesn't help that today at the chorch will the be third funeral in as many weeks (and each of them old ladies).
This is a rough time but I know I'll get through it. The good news is that I am starting to feel more at home here in our little City on the Edge of Forever (Star Trek reference for those who care). I am starting to feel like I have real potential here, and I am finding activities and people who suit me. These are all slow in coming, but they are coming, and I am starting to relax about the idea of being here for at least the next few years, if not Forever. We'll see how things pan out after Bizarro gets his master's degree and where we think we're headed.
In the meantime, I am finding ways to beat the winter blues, which means investing in some really good outerwear, a light box, Yoga, and eventually swimming at the Y, which I intend to start up once I've paid Mom's way into the assisted living place.
I will be giving my notice at the church in a couple weeks; a conversation I am not looking forward to. The more I put it off, the harder it becomes, and I knew this would be the case, which is why I wanted to do it a few weeks ago. But, with Mercury in Retrograde, I'm glad I didn't try to do it sooner.
Okay, time to get ready for work (speak of the devil in Pope's clothing).
Monday, October 06, 2008
Mercury in Retrograde
I can tell Mercury is in retrograde because everything SUX right now. Mom's back in the hospital, my cell phone's on the blink, I sprained my OTHER ankle last week, my freaking COUNSELOR gave me grief about canceling two appointments this month (oh, yeah, just what I need, another freaking obligation to add to the pile of stress), and the temps are dropping which means I have to plastic up the apartment and keep out all the cold air which happens to be fresh air, which I can't live without.
WAH.
WAH.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Destination: Blarg
Watched Destination: Truth last night - only because they were in Japan and Philippines (irony, anyone?). The footage in the Philippines was hilarious to us (Bizarro being Filipino-American) and not at all creepy. Of course they showed the "straight up mountain province" Filipinos with 10 people on a scooter, where 80% of the population are superstitious enough to believe in the legendary Aswang. Thanks, Josh, for perpetuating the stereotype of the backwards South East Asian country!
The ghost thing they caught on video in the haunted forest around Mt. Fuji where people go to commit sepuku was, on the other hand, pret-ty creepy. No wonder J-horror is so freaking scary. There's actually scary shit in the woods over there.
Grudgu
The ghost thing they caught on video in the haunted forest around Mt. Fuji where people go to commit sepuku was, on the other hand, pret-ty creepy. No wonder J-horror is so freaking scary. There's actually scary shit in the woods over there.
Grudgu
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
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