Meat Sauce. Okay, Turkey Sauce.

My nephew made an awesome pasta dinner tonight. The apple pie is in the oven. My grand niece, Erin (2), has finally warmed up to me and graced me with her attention, and my oldest grand nephew, Owen (4) is clearly my biggest fan in the world. The youngest grand nephew, Aidan (7 mos.) is all smiles and gurgles. What more could a crazy Great Auntie wish for?

I've spent the last few days in The Land of my Birth, and as always, my heart is full while my body is tired. I've slept in a different place almost every night this week. Tomorrow I'm in my favorite hotel in the world at Nantasket Beach. I gots me a room with jacuzzi whirlpool and fireplace for $79. All to myself. No interlopers. The perfect transition between vagabond status and my drive home to my writing retreat.

That's right, it's time again for my January writing retreat. So glorious! So freeing! So wicked cheap!

I will more than likely be writing more interesting or at least well-considered things soon. Right now I'm floating on the scent of apple pah.

Auld Lang Syne, and 2011: Where you been all my life?

It's been a record year. My first full year without my Mom. A new job as a writing tutor at a community college. Derby! A summer in S. Korea, my home away from home. A new screenplay, and some useful notes on the sci fi bequeemoth script I've been writing since 2005. Space: 1999 entered my life in a way I didn't think possible. My long unanticipated return in front of the camera of a student film. Becoming a great auntie for the third time. Meeting Apolo Ohno in person! Seeing the Count Basie Orchestra in concert, a life-long dream. Joining a gym for the first time in my life. Matt Smith as Doctor Who! Spending Christmas in my own home for the first time since I was 23. Adopting Spaz Kitteh! Taking a stand for myself.

I am excited to spend New Year's Eve with my brother for the first time ever (I think, unless I'm forgetting something). This one 2010 has to share with 2011, though.

I have two intentions for the new year. As I've said before, resolutions are for guilt-ridden ex-Catholic school survivors who never feel their best is good enough. Fuck that shit with a rubber hose.

Intention #1: Stop trying to control everything. Thank the Universe for what's coming and don't try to qualify it. This means live in the moment without trying to build some kind of steam punk mirror contraption to see around every corner. It also means taking everything that comes along as an opportunity.

Intention #2: Get back in touch with relatives. After Mom died, I sequestered myself and withdrew from most family contact except for my brother and nephew. Time to reconnect with my lineage.

Happy New Year to you 'uns. Make the most of everything - zero regrets!

Sorting

It's summer, which mean there are so many projects to get to, not the least of which is I'M GOING TO KOREA IN A MONTH. I've decided for the time being to go for the "low hanging fruit."

1. Novel - The publisher is going to publish it. All I have to do is write it. And I am. Every day a couple more scenes.

2. Screenplay - My "paranormal rom-com" is in progress. I have a new writing group (we'll see how this one goes) and I'm hoping to get some solid potato salad critique from those homies.

3. My film - the doco on life as an expat EFL teacher in Korea is coming with me to Korea and I will be finishing it (editing) with the help of Chang, my production/doco colleague who is full of Awesomesauce.

So there you have it and there it is: Summer 2010.

In between all that is planning my curriculum for Korea, "reducing" as my Filipino mother-in-law would say (that means exercising and getting fit, losing some inches along the way), and working the penalty box for derby games.

Speaking of "reducing," can I just say that my knee really needs to just get its act together so I can do martial arts and roller skate again. I'm tired of babying it. I want to join Planet Fitness so I can get on that machine that pumps your quads. Since I'm sorta on a budget for the summer, I'll just do T'ai Chi in the park and bear all the Chinese people in my apartment complex laughing at me. WHAT?

Time to hit my day. PMP is in town for a visit, I'm getting my car back at some point, and I have to do some hauswerk. And of course, spend the morning writing.

On the move

Or rather, waiting for a ride. Soooo the '98 Nissan Sentra is once again mocking me with its oldness. Brought the car in this morning for a number of issues. When I go to pick it up tomorrow, I will be slapping another $1000 on the credit card to get it back on the road. This thing is a money pit. I've been saying for weeks that we'll need another car by the end of the year.

And it appears that we'll have one. My in-laws called just today (timing - wow!) to tell us that they're buying their leased car and are wanting to give us their Nissan Pathfinder (which is a '95, granted, but has barely been driven). I'm in awe of the Universe's way of supplying the much-needed things of life.

Just last night, in fact, Bizarro and I decided we'd make time to go visit my in-laws in August after I get back from Korea, before the semester starts up. I guess we'll take a flight or a bus there and drive the Pathfinder home. How slick is that shit?

So for the time being, until tomorrow, I am sans car. My Yoga instructor is being nice enough to give Bizarro and me a ride to and from Yoga tonight. We missed the last 2 weeks, and she is so gung-ho that she'd rather give us rides than miss another week.

Isn't it great when a plan comes together?

The New Banner (or, "Gramma's Ghost")

I'd just like to take a few moments to spew forth about the new banner. You may have noticed that it doesn't have ocean waves or palm trees or spring blossoms. It's also in black and white. This photo was taken from my grandmother's front porch I'm guessing in the 1940s, by the design of the car whizzing past. (Did cars whiz in the 40s? Or did they just sort of roll by?) This photo is one of a kabillion old photos I inherited/collected from my parents' immense collection of "who the hell is that? I don't remember that photo being taken. now where was that at?" Me, I adore old photos and have vowed to make them a regular part of my every day life.

Anyway, so check out the border of said banner. It's that sort of pink-salmony color right? Dude, that was the color of Gramma's house. I'm not kidding. Imagine this house in pink-salmony glory:



That house was in an area of Elmira, NY called "The Patch," which was an Italian neighborhood. When it was first built in the 1800s there was nothing - and I mean nothing - around it. Check it:



I'm not sure when my grandparents bought the home - I'm thinking some time in the 1930s, but this is how I remember Gramma at that house:



So as you can tell, I love that house. I think for the time being, I'm going to keep this banner - it is far more personal than some of the other images I've swapped out over the years. Oh, and in case you're wondering about the "INT./EXT." reference - that's a screenplay shot heading for a scene that is shot partially Interior and Exterior at a location.

As an aside, I used to have dreams of going into this house, only it was terribly haunted. Not by good people like my grandparents, but by evil spirits and suchlike. At some point in the recent past, I dreamed of going in there, but it was "clean," as Zelda Rubinstein would say. Seems to have been the end of those recurring dreams. Think of that what you will.

Decked out like a Peep

Oh yeah, you know I'm talking about Peeps on Good Friday.

I looked online to see if anyone has made Jesus Peeps, but I didn't find any.

It's Easter weekend. This means most of nothing to me, since I'm Buddhist, but I do get the vibe of resurrection/renewal/rebirth (the Christians didn't invent that shit, y'know). This Sunday I plan to make our family's holiday staple: lasagna. I will also watch Mary Poppins on TV, and definitely I will watch Jesus Christ Superstar at some point.

I bet when I check the mailbox I'll have an Easter card from my brother and his wife. Funny how they think it's still appropriate to send me these religious cards on Christian holidays that I don't celebrate. I'm sure this Buddhism thing is just a phase I'm going through (at the age of 42, after 9 years), and eventually I'll find my way back to Mother Church. Not to be confused with Mother Russia.

Stuck...

...and not happy about it. What's a traveler to do?

Of course this is a metaphor rife with life lessons and pithy quotes and Buddhist teachings.

But at the moment I'm talking about actually being stuck in the f'ing airport. I was supposed to take a 6 a.m. flight to Boston, but it was canceled. Not for the reason you're no doubt thinking of. (But Ms. Bizarro, the Nor'easter...) No, I was informed that it was canceled 3 hours before take off for "maintenance." If you're good at math, you can figure out that that meant I received an automated message from U.S. Air at 3 a.m. I then spoke to a representative who booked me on an early afternoon flight through Philly. Okay, well it meant less of a day with JET, my dearest friend who I essentially booked this flight to see.

I finally fell asleep at 6 a.m. Got up around 9:30, made breakfast, took my time, got to the airport in plenty of time, and after I checked in, got through security and got comfy waiting for boarding, the announcement came that the flight was 2 hours delayed. They announced this at 12:15 for a 12:30 boarding time.

And so now...stuck. In the airport with the screaming baby and his very ill mother a couple rows from me. They are a pair, these two hipster parents. I feel a little bad for them, and for the bambino (a toddler, not a real infant). But I also feel bad for me because I was supposed to have been in Boston an hour and a half ago. And I'm here, instead.

So now we've got later connecting flights out of LaGuardia, one of which will hopefully get us to Boston. And I strongarmed the U.S. Air ticket lady to give me a later return flight (Saturday instead of Friday) since I'd lost an entire day thanks to them. They tried to make me pay for it but I raised a mild tsunami and they eventually caved.

This means, however, that some lucky family member o' mine will have to get me to Logan by 6:30 a.m. on Saturday (I hadn't thought that far in advance - with spring breakers coming back to college it's going to be a mad house). Soooo I probably just traded one nightmare for another, right? I hope not. Bizarro and I have plans for our anniversary on Saturday.

This is a whole lot of venting because right now this is my only outlet. But let's take this being stuck thing to a whole...'nother....level. Being stuck is a state of mind. Yes, it's true, I cannot do much about my physical situation. I have options - stick this out and hope to God I eventually reach Boston, or cancel the entire trip and stay home for spring break. Other than that, I'm at the mercy of U.S. Air. I can be angry and indignant and walk around with a cloud over my head (which is tempting, I admit), or try to make the best of an unhappy situation. This is the reality of life in the air. Reality is what it is.

However, being the kind of person who always sees opportunities for optimizing, I would like offer this airport a few pointers:
- more outlets
- food options in the terminal (aside from coffee and lollipops)
- more seating
- more than 2 air carriers (U.S. Air and Continental Express)

That is my constructive criticism. It is much more helpful than a wanton rant.

And I really don't know where or how to end this post. I think I'll just sort of drift off into the ether...

On the way.

It's February, which means March is almost here. March has many good things. It has my birthday, my wedding anniversary with Bizarro (5 years), and Spring Break, for which I am headed to the land of my birthing (South Shore of Boston).

The new schedule is starting to feel a little more sane. I am not worried about it at this point. I am happy as a clam to have all this work and to have a plan for summer (teach screenwriting in Korea).

Went a little crazy with the post-Christmas consumption of commercial goods, but nothing I purchased today is wasteful. A new valise to carry around my work and not look like a grad student. A new power cord to the ole' MacBook Pro so that I can have dual work stations at home (and incidentally, so I can work here in Cleveland even though I left the power cord at home). A car charger for my iPod (at Marshals for $8!). Two games at 40% and 50% off - Hang Four (a surfing doggeh card game) and The Big Kahuna (Tiki guys galore). A wipey cloth for my laptop. Bizarro bought me a pair of earrings on clearance for belly dancing (they're rather big and flashy, not for work). I also treated myself to a quickie manicure (at a cheap price) - lavender, of course.

Best of all, we had a few minutes by the lake in the mid-afternoon sunshine. Photos soon to come. The best part of the day was free!

I've done well with the level of food intake; my healthy, filling breakfast of yogurt and oatmeal is leaving me full until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and I've been eating a sammich and one side dish for lunch. Dinner is whatever Mom and Dad Bizarro make, but as with tonight's dinner of (fried) lumpia, I only had a few, and instead had two bowls of soup and a largeish salad. And only a few spoonfuls of rice. As long as they see me eating a little of everything, they leave me alone. Hee. Of course, I've had more than my fair share of Christmas cookies, but still within normal range.

And now the exciting stuff: I've been "hired" to proof read for a small press that is publishing original novels of Space: 1999. I've been email pals with one of the writers, who eventually took over the role of editor when the actual editor had to manage some personal crises that prevented him from doing the work of publishing books that had already been written. At this point we're gonna get all the books out in 2010 that were supposed to have come out earlier this year. I say "hired" in quotation marks because although he's cut me in on this, I won't see money for awhile. However, I will see money, and let's face it, I can put this on my C.V. That alone is worth the time I'm taking.

Now, I've also been working with the writer-cum-editor on some ideas for a TV pilot pitch. That's right - if Battlestar Galactica with their disco capes and King Tut-style space helmets can be reimagined - and hell, if Star Trek can be messed with - then Space: 1999 needs a jolt of its own. At present I don't know if I want to go the route of alt history or create a different title set another 1000 years in the future. It's a primordial work in progress at the moment, but it's very exciting, especially with my writing retreat coming up.

And so, 2009 is winding down with some great possibilities lined up in 2010. New job as a permanent writing tutor, new manager interested in my scripts, new side job as a proof reader, and many new ideas ready to break out into the world. Made a couple new friends this year, and I'm looking forward to nurturing those relationships in the new year, as well. 2010 feels like it's going to be a great year!

Right now, though, it's time to catch the Doctor Who Christmas Special on BBC America! Time to say good bye to David Tennant. He's my personal iconic Doctor, and always will be.

Happy Birthday, Rod Serling

RS was a fan of the Christmas spirit, despite the fact that he was Jewish. He once described himself as a Christmas present delivered unwrapped (born on Dec. 25, 1924).

It's late in the afternoon on Christmas day, and Bizarro is lying beside me taking a nap. The lasagna will come out of the oven very soon, and I believe dinner will be set shortly. It's been a good couple of days here at the Bizarro household in Cleveland, though I will feely admit that I really wanted to be with my family gathered at Pat & Beckie's last night. They passed the phone around when I called so I could briefly chat with everyone - even Owen! I went into a bit of a funk after watching "White Christmas," that being Mom's favorite Christmas movies. I perked up later on, though, and then of course was the midnight unwrapping of gifts and eating a petit meal around 1:00 am. Needless to say, I slept in today.

Yesterday we hit a couple stores, including my favorite Italian grocery this side of the North End - Alesci's. It was like heaven; I could've spent the entire day in that place. I fully intend to return tomorrow and buy some home-baked bread, and more capicola (and I didn't have to pronounce it "cappa-cola" for the guys at the meat counter!). The smells and sights really bring back a lot of sense memories from childhood.

Also had a glorious trip to Half-Priced Books with a gift card from the in-laws, and came home with a few prizes, including the director's cut of Blade Runner, and a Twilight Zone-themed collection of short stories edited by Carol Serling (RS has one story in there which I haven't read). The fluffy purchase was a tarot card set with Egyptian iconography and supposed hieroglyphs.

The days have started to meld together as they often do here, with all the sitting/lying around that goes on, so I have made a point to do yoga and journal and DO things as often as possible. It's so tempting to fall into that spaced-out state that this house seems to encourage. I'm doing my best to keep myself pulled together in that respect, if for no other reason than not to gain 5 lbs before I get home.

And speaking of which, it's time to take the lasagna out of the oven. Happy Christmas, all !

I'll Be Home For Christmas...

Just created my Pandora holiday music station - classics like Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, and of course my guy, Perry Como. There's also Dean Martin, Sinatra, Burl Ives, Johnny Mathis.

Classes are done for 2009. By this time next week I will be completely done with finals and grading. I have already started getting into the Christmas Spirit, which by the way is completely possible for a non-Christian. 'Cause guess what? We're all about the same thing: peace on Earth, good will to all. That's what it's all about, folks. This year is very special - my first Christmas without both parents, but again I keep feeling this inescapable RELIEF, as if my Mom and Dad are telling me to go ahead and enjoy myself in full, at long last. I intend to!

It'll be great to see my in-laws for the holiday, and to soak up the Cleveland holiday spirit (leg lamp, anyone?). Meantime, I've decked out our apartment in lights and some very special decorations that came from Mom's - and in the case of the "Jingle Bells" - from my childhood. The Jingle Bells is an ancient (older than me) door ornament, a huge bell-shaped affair with a music box that plays... you know. It's hanging right next to our door and I love it. I can see it and pull the string from my desk for a quick shot of Christmas Spirit any time.

I want to know your favorite Christmas songs! Leave a comment and let me know!

My Top 5 6 Christmas Songs

1. Home For the Holidays, by Perry Como
2. Jingle Bells, by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters
3. Mele Kalikimaka, by Bing Crosby
4. Happy Christmas (War Is Over), John Lennon & Yoko Ono
5. Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartney
6. Adeste Fideles, by Nat King Cole

What's that smell?

That's the burning rubber of my wheels trying to catch up with my life. Or the flinty smoke from my rotundus maximus trying to wedge itself through the door.

Haven't gone to H2O aerobics in 3 weeks due to: covering someone else's class, attending a department meeting, having my period, getting ready for the conference last weekend, grading, and getting a sinus infection. I am going tomorrow if I have to shoot down and stomp on my students' dead bodies and bloody scripts to get there.

Did manage to get to Yoga tonight, and that felt good, although clearly my abs have forsaken me.

I'm behind on everything but that's only going to last a few more days, then I'll have a chance to catch up.

Cleveland and the in-laws were delightful this past weekend, though as usual I ate too much bad stuff there (though not as much as usual; I was being careful). Only one piece of pie instead of four. Not so shabby eh?

A successful visit to Half Price Books gleaned me the first season of Night Gallery, a Twilight Zone Companion, a book on belly fat, a new journal, and...something else I can't recall at the moment. Best part was that, unbeknownst to me, there was a 20% off educator discount going on. Of course I had no college I.D. on me, other than a business card, and I more or less bludgeoned the clerk into giving me a discount anyway. She got her vengeance by "forgetting" to put the DVDs in the box for Night Gallery. I had to go back, wait in the damn line again, etc. But did get a coupon for 15% for my troubles (which I promptly gave to my sis-in-law since it was only good until the end of the month and I live 2 states over).

Ah, but now I have tons of grading to do and Night Gallery to distract me. Who could ask for anything more?

The Summer of 2009

Well ladies and germs, the summer is rapidly closing. Another week and 2 days and it's back in the classroom. I have a full teaching load this semester: 2 sections of intro to screenwriting at the Other School On the Hill, and one section of English 99 (developmental writing at the paragraph level) at the community college. For these gigs I am grateful. Now I'm trying to cram as much summer into the coming week and 2 days as possible. Summer weather is finally here, so swimming and patio grilling are required activities (though there are t'storms coming but whatever, as long as it's hot).

As you know, this was not the summer I'd planned. I ended up not teaching at all, and instead worked as a transcriptionist, tutor, and house keeper for the Catlic' Chorch, scrubbing the priests' terlets and washing their undies. (My sister-in-law asked whether the skid marks in a priest's undies are in the form of a crucifix. This is why I love my sister-in-law.)

So, no, not what I'd expected but the truth is that in true form, the Universe provided just what I needed. In fact our money was very tight this summer, but it forced us to be more mindful of our spending, and helped us to come together for the betterment of our household. Tracking expenses and keeping more in tune with our financial situation has been good for us both, and for our marriage.

The work I did at the rectory was actually quite easy, and since I was alone and autonomous, I had plenty of opportunity to manage my time as I saw fit, and I believe that the physical nature of the work was good for me. I tend to get stuck up here (points to head) and that's not always a good thing.

The transcription work was just fine, and it might even be useful in the future to say that I am familiar with chemical notations (who knows what kind of technical writing I might fall into at some point).

The tutoring is always fun and keeps me on the ESL map for my C.V.

Aside from my work, I had plenty of time for writing, and I was, I must say, rather prolific. I am just about finished with Sentinel, have started a new project, and most thrilling of all, I met a producer/filmmaker from L.A. who is producing a short script of mine, and who has connections that could really help me out.

I didn't get to go windsurfing, but I did spend a day at the Nor'easter Surf Shop in Scituate, Mass. and took excellent notes for my surf-related T.V. pilot. I also made a great connection for surfing lessons when I am able to give that a whirl. And the surfing season isn't over in September, so there's still a chance I could get a long weekend in and get a surfing lesson! (I'm talking surfing, not windsurfing, to be clear on that.)

Despite our financial hardship, I found a way with the help of friends to attend the Live Adventure this year (the annual live action role playing weekend I've been part of since 1991). That was a magical, wonderful, fun (if hotter than hell) weekend of beloved friends, creative imagination, camping, and music. I am so grateful!

This summer gave me ample time and opportunity to work through my grief, and I managed two trips to Massachusetts, one with Bizarro in tow, which has been extremely beneficial in my healing process. I was able to spend some QT with my beloved nephew and his family, my Big Bro, PMP, JET, Rachee and a couple other people I've known and loved for years. This recent trip was exceptionally fun with Bizarro - our day in Boston was delightful, especially hanging out with PMP who took us for fabulous cannoli in the North End. I also got to play in the waves at Nantasket, despite the drizzle. Oh how I miss the ocean!

I feel like I'm starting to finally come out of the darkness that was last winter, just before, during and after Mom's death. I am feeling more alive than ever; I can feel the possibilities of life, the energy of creation, and the wealth that is mine in so many ways. In the parlance of Live Adventure folk: Game on!

The long and winding road

The last 2 weeks have rather heinous. I have been fighting off some ailment or another, and of course cramps in the middle of all that, trying to prep for going to Massachusetts on Monday, then to Live Adventure on Friday. Not feeling up to doing anything but lying around, so it's been stressful knowing that I have a pile of things to do and I'm not getting to them.

But I know that by the time Monday morning rolls around everything will be done and we'll be on our way to Boston, where I shall dazzle Bizarro with the wonders of New England.

The plan:

- on the nicest day we have there, go to the beach and tool around the South Shore
- on the other day, go into Boston, hang out on the Common, visit Quincy Market, the Acquarium, and have a cannoli from the North End hanging out at the waterfront.
- dinner with my friends and family at my bro's house
- as much beach time as I can squeeze in

And of course the semester is on its way; I have to turn in my course reserves tomorrow and I'm not ready. I also have to still pick out an adaptation to use. In years past I've used "Big Fish," but as that revolves around a parent's death, I will not be using that film this time.

So yeah lots to do and running out of time. It would help if I didn't feel ill.

Get off my back!

I know it's been awhile and I have a bunch to catch up on.

My vacay in lovely Massachusetts was truly remarkable. I spent lots of QT with myself, family, friends, and the ocean. Had a magnificent stay at the Clarion Nantasket hotel for 2 nights on the beach, went to a longboard competition, hung out in a surf shop taking notes for my planned TV pilot, did some impromptu ghost hunting at a Revolutionary War bunker (and I think caught me an EVP, though so far only brother has been able to hear what I heard on the video clip). I also had lots of baby time with Erin and May, and played with Owen as much as I could. Got to hang out with PMP in Boston, saw Fenway Park, had drinks at the Bleacher Bar, ate lots of seafood, went to Plymouth on my last day, a very rainy day, with one of my recently former students, and got to hang with Rache at my beach hotel for a night.

Coming home - well. So. Reality setting in. A class to teach starting Monday - for which I am grateful, especially since apparently it WASN'T a done deal until yesterday. I got the call to teach and I was like "welll yeahhhh I've been planning on it." So anyway, it's all good.

Still no idea where I'm teaching this fall. I have started a preliminary job search in the Boston/South Shore area. I had two (count 'em) interviews while I was there, with little to no effort on my part. One was for an ESL teaching position with some possibility for long-term work, the other as a communications specialist for a company that does research and fund-raising for MS cures (among other things).

I really don't know where things are heading right now. Some serious thinking and decision making coming up in the coming months. I am feeling more disheartened than ever here in the City on the Edge of Forever (yeah, I didn't get that job at the community college after all). After 3.5 years of searching I've had maybe 4 interviews. A week in Mass. and I get 2 interviews without even really trying.

And truth is, no place has ever felt like home to me other than the South Shore. At the same time, change is scary. I've lived here longer than anyplace else in recent history. Despite how unhappy I often am with this area (weather, cold dark apartment, allergies, isolation, lack of career opportunity, lack of the ocean, etc.) it's in many ways easier to keep on in the same direction than to try a new one. God knows I've moved so often in my life. It would be nice to feel settled with a home base. I'm just not convinced that "here" is where my home base should be.

A little much to think about right now, I know. I'm still dealing with Mom's death and the giant hole it's left in my life. Perhaps that is why I feel so attracted to my family right now, especially the grand-babies. I missed my nephew's growing up and I really hate the thought of missing theirs.

For the time being I'm just trying to get myself geared up for the summer teaching job and will see how some of this other stuff lands. Getting myself back into a schedule will feel really good. The pool is open, so I will swim and go for walks and continue working on my fitness/weight loss plan. I am very bummed that I have no time or money for the windsurfing beginners clinic this weekend. Still I'm sure there'll be other opportunities, and I'm also thinking I want to try my hands at kayaking this summer. And of course Yoga. Making the most of where I am and what I have at my disposal for the summer. The rest will be dealt with in good time...

In Memorium

Today's about catching up the last week lost to The Sickness. Housework, laundry, and also getting a reading picked out for Mom's interment this Friday. Big Bro and his Wiffen are arriving on Wednesday, so I want the place to be ready for them. Peege and Beck are here Thursday, staying in a hotel. I am really looking forward to having my family around me again.

And of course I'm chomping at the bit to get to Mass. We've decided not to waste over $700 on an eleven-year-old car that keeps cropping up new problems. If I get this job I'm waiting for, I will purchase a good pre-owned car and leave this one to Bizarro for in-town driving. It is more economical to rent a used car via the place we've done before and have a safe, solid car to drive out in. I had thought to ride with Peege and family and rent a wreck when I got to Mass, but I need the alone time that driving can offer me. Road-tripping with my bad self.

I am ready for adventure, new sights, new experiences, new thoughts, new feelings, new insights. Let the Games begin!

I have arranged to spend some time at a surf shop in Scituate to do some research for the TV pilot I'm still working up. Gotta get some real-life people to inspire this thing. Also going to take a stab at writing a rom com this summer, which is way out of my comfort zone, but I need to change things up from the artsy/fantasy stuff for a bit. My manager friend says my idea so far is pretty conventional, so I need to spice it up. And you know in rom com spice often = raunch. Not so sure how well I can write raunch. I'll get back to you on that.

Here Comes The Sun

The Winter Solstice has just passed, it's Hanukkah, and it's Christmas Eve. All festivals of the coming of the Light!

Here comes the sun, and I say, it's alright.

Mom seems to be doing a bit better, day by day, at least as far as her physical stamina. We're working on her emotional well-being now. Hospice volunteers are coming in to help out with this - a harpist came yesterday and will gladly come as often as Mom would like, and a massage therapist will come in on Tuesday nights for an hour. The truth is Mom deserved this kind of pampering years ago, but she would never allow herself.

She and I had another frank discussion about the future, the uncertainty of it, and her eventual death (which could come in a month or 5 years for all we know). I think it is very helpful to talk about this stuff while we're both calm (as opposed to when she's back from dialysis, feeling like crap and in pain, which is what happened the other night over the phone when she was upset that it would be her last Christmas). Of course, we have to give light to those emotions too, but it's helpful to share our thoughts together rather than feeling sorry for ourselves.

Bizarro and I are going for our little trip to Splash Lagoon and then to the Bizarro Clan in Cleveland next week. Just a Mon - Fri trip. I've stacked visitors for Mom, since I won't be seeing her for a few days. She's very supportive of our trip, for which I am thankful. Thank God I don't have one of those mothers who throw guilt trips around and play the poor victim that her only daughter has to rescue!

Turned in my grades last night, so now I have to get some things done for Mom and clean house, and then I want to start prepping for next semester's classes. And of course, I have a writing schedule to keep up! There are a couple competition deadlines coming up soon that I want to meet.

Soon I will post my annual year in review/year in preview for '08/'09.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

(photo from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e6/Myrtle_Beach_Sunrise1.jpg)

Finally after a long haul, it seems some good news is in order. Today was a raucus day of meetings with the nursing home staff, hospice doctor, social worker, and Mom's nurse, as well as meeting the hospice LPN who will visit Mom every day for an hour (starting this morning), and finally the psychologist met with Mom as well. After yet another round of med changes, Mom is feeling fairly pain-free this evening. On what, you ask? Tylenol. No fucking opiates or dangerous drugs that aren't even fully understood. Good old fashioned aceteminophen. Plus a heat pack and massage. Mom even tried going to a social function tonight - though by the time the dumbasses brought her downstairs for it, it was almost over. So tomorrow I will call the recreation director and let her know this happened - so maybe they'll make an effort to help get Mom to more functions. I think her spirits are lifting as she is getting the TLC she needs, and the pain is abating. The most special event of the day was an unexpected visit from my cousin, who just found out from her mom that her Aunt Elsie was in the nursing home. All in all, not a bad day.

Now, I just need to get my frakking grading done!

Welcome Erin Dorothy!

I heard from my Bro yesterday that Erin was born Friday night. 8 lbs 8 oz, and 21" long, I believe. And I heard from my Sis-in-Law, M.J., that Erin is definitely from my side of the family - long dark hair, olive skin, and is apparently the spitting image of her dad and granddad from when they were both babies. I look forward to meeting her next year. I wonder how Owen will take to his baby sister. Owen is blond and blue-eyed, and his sister has dark hair and brown eyes - kind of like Luke and Leia.

Welcome Erin! We love you! Congrats Cam and Beck!

New Approach

I called the doctor yesterday and he's switched Mom's pain med to something called tramadol. It works differently than a narcotic, so she shouldn't be so stoned and it's supposed to more effective on the pain. When I saw her yesterday she was really stoned because the vicadin was still in her system as well as the tramadol, but when I talked to her last night she was more clear headed and said she wasn't in pain. I am hopeful that this will break the pain cycle so that she can be up and walking a bit more. There's an MRI scheduled for Tuesday, which should provide more information on WHY the hip pain has flared up so suddenly.

I was able to relax a little last night, knowing Mom wasn't in pain and wasn't feeling rotten from the pain med side effect. When I got there yesterday afternoon, she was ready to give up, and talked about not wanting to be alive and that she didn't care about anything. That was the drugs talking, I'm sure of it. I know she's depressed and I asked the social worker to set up a psych consult. The social worker also promised to get moving on finding a O2 bag so that when Mom is feeling like it she can walk with her walker. And she also mentioned about getting a heating pad that might help Mom's hip.

I talked to the "good" nursing home in town and their admissions person was very nice on the phone. She's sending me an application so that I can fill it out and get things rolling. At this juncture I can't imagine Mom going back to Longview, sad as I am to admit that. She will only have to stay at the present nursing home until I can get her into a better one.

I gotta get ready for my day. I am feeling sick again - this has been on and off for 4 weeks, now. I felt fine for a couple days, now I'll feel sick for the weekend (natch).

Still waiting for Baby Erin. Her Grandma told me last night that everything is fine, and that my niece is just waiting for contractions to kick in.