I just realized I hadn't written my 2006 in review.
In 2006:
1. left a job that was really unhealthy for me
2. made a commitment to myself that I was going to re-enter the world of screen writing, and got a job teaching screen writing at a local college.
3. realized how fortunate I am really am in life - my husband, my career, my talents, my family, my friends
4. reconnected with a friend who I'd had a falling out with almost 7 years ago
5. maintained long-term connections with long-distance friends Vix, Rachee, Mr. Club, Melizza
6. remembered some of my early influences re: fantasy and sci fi, started watching and reading those works again
7. became addicted to the new Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, and to a lesser degree, Torchwood
8. realized new levels to which my experiences living abroad had affected me as a person
9. all of the above have been instrumental in my dedication as a writer.
10. visiting my hometown and connecting with the old places of power
For 2007:
1. My identity: i am a writer; I will succeed as a writer in the world
2. My marriage: being grateful for what I have and who I can be in this marriage
3. My body: being healthy - walking, dancing, eating 3 squares a day
4. Being thankful for what I have; making the best of what I have rather than complaining about what I don't have or THINK I don't have
5. Do more traveling - domestic/international
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Disturbing the Dead
I'm on my brother's chat site and just found out that the town we grew up in (where he still lives) is considering an option to tear down three houses to make a parkway. One of those houses is the one in which we grew up.
I am horrified at the prospect of this demolition. My father and mother bought that place when it was still unfinished, and my dad made it into a little palace. In my visit back in October I took all those pictures inside and noted how little the present owners had changed the place since they moved in back in 1978. Imagine if all that were to be crushed and destroyed. Our pets in the back yard (well, the dust of them at any rate), not to mention all the trees (what's left of what was once a bird sanctuary decades ago). It will be a sad day, a tragic day, and I can only pray it never happens.
The town of Rockland, MA was at one time a flourishing town about halfway between Boston and Cape Cod, off Route 3 on the South Shore. Today it's financially broke and the downtown seems as empty as any mid-western former metropolis. Very similar to Elmira, NY, my other "hometown" if you can call it that.
What is wrong with people?
I am horrified at the prospect of this demolition. My father and mother bought that place when it was still unfinished, and my dad made it into a little palace. In my visit back in October I took all those pictures inside and noted how little the present owners had changed the place since they moved in back in 1978. Imagine if all that were to be crushed and destroyed. Our pets in the back yard (well, the dust of them at any rate), not to mention all the trees (what's left of what was once a bird sanctuary decades ago). It will be a sad day, a tragic day, and I can only pray it never happens.
The town of Rockland, MA was at one time a flourishing town about halfway between Boston and Cape Cod, off Route 3 on the South Shore. Today it's financially broke and the downtown seems as empty as any mid-western former metropolis. Very similar to Elmira, NY, my other "hometown" if you can call it that.
What is wrong with people?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Gathering Speed
Yesterday Bizarro and I lay around in our pajamas all day, eating leftovers and watching sci fi like the geeks that we are. Specifically, we watched 6 episodes of "Torchwood" he'd downloaded, as well as the Doctor Who Christmas Special, and a few episodes of "Chef" (I bought him the 3-series DVD set for Christmas).
Today I did some shopping - all the 50% off shit for next year - plus a couple things I needed around the house (a cutting board and some picture frames). I think I'm going to visit some friends on Friday, so tomorrow I need to get to the office, pick up my check, and use the copier for my student loan income contingent forms. Yay. Having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. Tomorrow I really need to set aside a large block of time to do some writing.
My nose is fracking cold. It's fracking cold in this apt.
Photos coming soon, Promise. In the meantime, be sure to check out Brave Humans (see link on the sidebar).
Today I did some shopping - all the 50% off shit for next year - plus a couple things I needed around the house (a cutting board and some picture frames). I think I'm going to visit some friends on Friday, so tomorrow I need to get to the office, pick up my check, and use the copier for my student loan income contingent forms. Yay. Having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. Tomorrow I really need to set aside a large block of time to do some writing.
My nose is fracking cold. It's fracking cold in this apt.
Photos coming soon, Promise. In the meantime, be sure to check out Brave Humans (see link on the sidebar).
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Voices
...no, not the ones in my head.
Some friends of mine have a really cool site going, called BRAVE HUMANS. I don't think it's public, yet. Just tried posting the URL and it didn't come up. When it is, I'll link to it in the sidebar. So keep checking back!
Some friends of mine have a really cool site going, called BRAVE HUMANS. I don't think it's public, yet. Just tried posting the URL and it didn't come up. When it is, I'll link to it in the sidebar. So keep checking back!
The Day After
Another Christmas behind us. You know what? This has without doubt been the best holiday in over 20 years for me. Since dad died (when I was 11), Christmas has always been a very bitter-sweet affair. More bitter than sweet. I've gone through the motions year after year without feeling much of anything other than loss and sadness. Last year wasn't so bad, but this year was truly a time for accepting peace into my heart.
I am so grateful for everything in my life - my passions, my work, my family, friends, and of course Dharma. My health, my sense of humor, my resilience. My husband's love and warmth, his support and HIS sense of humor. My mom - having a relationship with her now that was never possible when I was younger. Having her here with us is a true blessing.
I'm planning a recap of 2006 as we wind down the year, just as I did for 2005. Also, pictures from Christmas at Momazoo's are forthcoming. Right now it's 7:36; I've been up since 5:00.
Weather outside: raining and dreary. Weather inside: warm and contented.
I am so grateful for everything in my life - my passions, my work, my family, friends, and of course Dharma. My health, my sense of humor, my resilience. My husband's love and warmth, his support and HIS sense of humor. My mom - having a relationship with her now that was never possible when I was younger. Having her here with us is a true blessing.
I'm planning a recap of 2006 as we wind down the year, just as I did for 2005. Also, pictures from Christmas at Momazoo's are forthcoming. Right now it's 7:36; I've been up since 5:00.
Weather outside: raining and dreary. Weather inside: warm and contented.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Cruise Control
After the heinous 2 weeks I just suffered through, I am taking it easy today. It's shitty and rainy out anyway, so what better time to sleep in, read a book and let my body and mind decompress. The only thing I may do later is some of Bizarro's laundry, since yesterday I finished all of mine, plus sheets and towels. Whew!
I keep thinking, if it's this bad with only two of us, imagine what having a youngster will do to the laundry situation. And that's JUST the laundry situation. Imagine all the other unimaginable tasks and the volume of housework that will increase tenfold. What was that about taking it easy today? Now is not the time to worry about this stuff, I'm sure.
I did all my errands yesterday, thank gods. I'm all set to bake pumpkin PAH (filling from scratch, pre-made crust) and all the other goodies for Christmas weekend at MZ's.
We'll be driving down on Christmas Eve day and staying over. There's midnight mass and then opening presents afterward, then eating sausage and angel hair spaghetti and oil at like 2 a.m. It's a family tradition - a hold over from the days when you couldn't eat anything for a certain number of hours before taking Holy Communion. So they wouldn't eat dinner, to go to Midnight Mass, and then would do all the festivities just after mass, complete with dinner at 2 a.m. Then on Christmas morning, sleep in and let the kiddies get up at the crack of dawn to play with their toys (already opened after mass).
I LOVED it when I was a kid. The grown-ups would go to midnight mass and I'd stay home and sleep (someone stayed home with me), then someone (usually my sister-in-law) would get me up when they all came home and it was Christmas! The tree was lit, Christmas music playing, and everyone was there - my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, sometimes friends of my parents, or my sister-in-law's family, and for a couple of years, my Uncle Louie. It was a wonderful party in the middle of the night - SO exciting for me as a kid. I still revert to being 9 years old when it comes to Christmas Eve. Even though mom doesn't have a proper tree any more, her apartment is decorated (by yours truly) and will be filled with love.
Funny how much I still get into Christmas, seeing as how I'm a Buddhist. But you know, Christmas doesn't have to be about a person (i.e. Jesus), even though I do recognize Jesus as a master and teacher. It's what the spirit is supposed to entail - compassion, love and the coming of the light (Solstice was of course the pagan timing chosen by the early Church on which to hold Christmas).
And with that, I will return to my lazy day. Congrats to Mr. Club and Hot Mamba, enjoying the holidays in their swanky new pad!
I keep thinking, if it's this bad with only two of us, imagine what having a youngster will do to the laundry situation. And that's JUST the laundry situation. Imagine all the other unimaginable tasks and the volume of housework that will increase tenfold. What was that about taking it easy today? Now is not the time to worry about this stuff, I'm sure.
I did all my errands yesterday, thank gods. I'm all set to bake pumpkin PAH (filling from scratch, pre-made crust) and all the other goodies for Christmas weekend at MZ's.
We'll be driving down on Christmas Eve day and staying over. There's midnight mass and then opening presents afterward, then eating sausage and angel hair spaghetti and oil at like 2 a.m. It's a family tradition - a hold over from the days when you couldn't eat anything for a certain number of hours before taking Holy Communion. So they wouldn't eat dinner, to go to Midnight Mass, and then would do all the festivities just after mass, complete with dinner at 2 a.m. Then on Christmas morning, sleep in and let the kiddies get up at the crack of dawn to play with their toys (already opened after mass).
I LOVED it when I was a kid. The grown-ups would go to midnight mass and I'd stay home and sleep (someone stayed home with me), then someone (usually my sister-in-law) would get me up when they all came home and it was Christmas! The tree was lit, Christmas music playing, and everyone was there - my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, sometimes friends of my parents, or my sister-in-law's family, and for a couple of years, my Uncle Louie. It was a wonderful party in the middle of the night - SO exciting for me as a kid. I still revert to being 9 years old when it comes to Christmas Eve. Even though mom doesn't have a proper tree any more, her apartment is decorated (by yours truly) and will be filled with love.
Funny how much I still get into Christmas, seeing as how I'm a Buddhist. But you know, Christmas doesn't have to be about a person (i.e. Jesus), even though I do recognize Jesus as a master and teacher. It's what the spirit is supposed to entail - compassion, love and the coming of the light (Solstice was of course the pagan timing chosen by the early Church on which to hold Christmas).
And with that, I will return to my lazy day. Congrats to Mr. Club and Hot Mamba, enjoying the holidays in their swanky new pad!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Vindication!
It's on! I have my two sections next semester. Seems that they are in fact held to the contract signed by both myself and the dean. Imagine if I had not made a fuss about this! I would have been screwed.
Too bad I'm not feeling well - a bit of a stomach bug it turns out. I'm going to lay low for a couple days so I feel better for Christmas at Momazoos.
Happy Holidays, y'all!
Too bad I'm not feeling well - a bit of a stomach bug it turns out. I'm going to lay low for a couple days so I feel better for Christmas at Momazoos.
Happy Holidays, y'all!
Nail Biting
I'm waiting for confirmation from someone in the dean's office in charge of contracts to find out if the news is true. The Registrar's on-line info says the section is there... but until I have official word that it's happening, I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to reign in my wild enthusiasm.
In the meantime, I'm getting things done that I've been neglecting (like laundry) because I've been feeling really depressed the last week or so. I am also still going to apply for the couple of full-time positions, and maybe even adjunct pools, that I found at a couple neighboring schools for next year. I'd love to stay where I am long-term, but I can't see myself going through this kind of B.S. every other semester (assuming this happens with any regularity).
We'll see... my faith in the Universe and my own resilience is restored. For now.
In the meantime, I'm getting things done that I've been neglecting (like laundry) because I've been feeling really depressed the last week or so. I am also still going to apply for the couple of full-time positions, and maybe even adjunct pools, that I found at a couple neighboring schools for next year. I'd love to stay where I am long-term, but I can't see myself going through this kind of B.S. every other semester (assuming this happens with any regularity).
We'll see... my faith in the Universe and my own resilience is restored. For now.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Emperor's New Clothes
I'm startin' ta dig Blogger's new look. If only I could change my wardrobe as easily!
Plan for next week: write like a muther, watch movies rabidly, do little to no housework.
Narrow down my new year's resolutions. The key to new year's resolutions is to pick at least one thing you KNOW you can achieve without a vast amount of effort. So at least when 2008 comes around it's almost guaranteed that you'll have one thing crossed off the list.
My apt. is freezing. I remember why I hate winter...
Plan for next week: write like a muther, watch movies rabidly, do little to no housework.
Narrow down my new year's resolutions. The key to new year's resolutions is to pick at least one thing you KNOW you can achieve without a vast amount of effort. So at least when 2008 comes around it's almost guaranteed that you'll have one thing crossed off the list.
My apt. is freezing. I remember why I hate winter...
A Buddhist Christmas Miracle?
tonight i received an email from my mentor at work. she said she'd heard from the dept secretary that my 2nd section has been REOPENED. this is the first i've heard of it, but that's not too surprising when you consider how I found out the section was canceled. anyway, I don't know if it's for real or a misunderstood comment dropped by accident in the hallway. i will know for sure tomorrow.
oh please goddess!
oh please goddess!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Getting a Grip
It's occurred to me that it might not be feasible for me to work in Ithaca in the long-term. It's possible that I might have to go elsewhere to find longer-term work with a bit more stability. This isn't something I'm excited about, but I am trying to be realistic as I am once again faced with a job search in a state that is famous for not having a lot of jobs up for grabs outside of NYC. The interesting thing is that I've actually found a few jobs I might be qualified for. Question is now, do I have the energy to write all those frackin' cover letters and actually go through with it.
Perhaps I should allow myself the R&R of Christmas break and just forget about the entire thing until after the new year. Perhaps.
Perhaps I should allow myself the R&R of Christmas break and just forget about the entire thing until after the new year. Perhaps.
Today I finished with the last of my classes. We screened "Withnail and I" and I have successfully turned on another generation to this cult classic. Mission accomplished!
After a couple days of debating, I decided to make an appointment to speak with the Dean of the school about my situation. I go in on Friday, which works out well since I have to go pick up my check that day, anyway. I have a couple days to work out what I want to say and how I will say it. Don't worry, I'm not going in guns blazing. If nothing else, last year's debacle taught me how to maintain composure and work around the system when necessary. But after a lot of soul-searching, I keep coming to the same conclusion, which is that someone needs to know that what's been done to me is both unprofessional and inhumane. I know it won't get me anywhere, but I feel that right now I'm the mouthpiece for this. Perhaps if this is drawn to someone's attention in an overt (albeit polite) manner, something might be changed for the future. or not. At the least, it will allow me to feel like I have released a pressure valve by speaking up for myself. I'm tired of getting shat on by politics and egos.
I still don't know what I'm doing for money after January. At this point the only real hope is tutoring, but even so, that won't make as much money as I've lost. That other writing gig seems to have fallen through the cracks, seeing as how the director of that program didn't bother to write back. What is with these fuckers in academia? Do they think they shit gold turds and therefore don't have to muck about with us lowly peons?
As you can see, I'm still pretty cheesed off. Some days I'm almost at the point of making my peace, but then I spend 3-4 hours in the department and can only think about how much less time I'll be spending there next semester.
*sigh*
Well at least it's winter break. I just have to get my grades in and get my books and DVDs reserved for next semester. I'm going to do all that this week so I can put it all out of my head for a couple weeks.
It's Christmas this weekend - hopefully after my visit to the Dean I will be able to sleep better and actually enjoy myself a little bit.
After a couple days of debating, I decided to make an appointment to speak with the Dean of the school about my situation. I go in on Friday, which works out well since I have to go pick up my check that day, anyway. I have a couple days to work out what I want to say and how I will say it. Don't worry, I'm not going in guns blazing. If nothing else, last year's debacle taught me how to maintain composure and work around the system when necessary. But after a lot of soul-searching, I keep coming to the same conclusion, which is that someone needs to know that what's been done to me is both unprofessional and inhumane. I know it won't get me anywhere, but I feel that right now I'm the mouthpiece for this. Perhaps if this is drawn to someone's attention in an overt (albeit polite) manner, something might be changed for the future. or not. At the least, it will allow me to feel like I have released a pressure valve by speaking up for myself. I'm tired of getting shat on by politics and egos.
I still don't know what I'm doing for money after January. At this point the only real hope is tutoring, but even so, that won't make as much money as I've lost. That other writing gig seems to have fallen through the cracks, seeing as how the director of that program didn't bother to write back. What is with these fuckers in academia? Do they think they shit gold turds and therefore don't have to muck about with us lowly peons?
As you can see, I'm still pretty cheesed off. Some days I'm almost at the point of making my peace, but then I spend 3-4 hours in the department and can only think about how much less time I'll be spending there next semester.
*sigh*
Well at least it's winter break. I just have to get my grades in and get my books and DVDs reserved for next semester. I'm going to do all that this week so I can put it all out of my head for a couple weeks.
It's Christmas this weekend - hopefully after my visit to the Dean I will be able to sleep better and actually enjoy myself a little bit.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Friday Follow up
Given the extent of this week's emotional roller coaster, I thought I'd post a few more residual thoughts that continue to grind through the mill.
Today I'm back to being pissed off at next semester. At this point it's not about feeling betrayed or even disrespected. It's about what a mammoth PAIN IN THE ASS it is and will be for me to find something to supplement my halved income.
I've already got some tutoring coming in, which is grand, but I'll have to work up to the amount of hours per week/month to make enough. Meantime, I've already contracted to buy a hard drive from a coworker ($75) and I've asked a student to type something for me (my thesis script, which appears to exist nowhere electronically since my zip drive and the disk it was reading at the time was fried last spring). So I gotta pay her something, which is necessary, but again... the timing sucks. But I guess the timing always sucks for stuff like this.
What I'm mainly pissed about is the Pain In The Ass Quality (PITAQ) of the situation. This, too, I'll get over. But for now it's where I am.
Today I'm back to being pissed off at next semester. At this point it's not about feeling betrayed or even disrespected. It's about what a mammoth PAIN IN THE ASS it is and will be for me to find something to supplement my halved income.
I've already got some tutoring coming in, which is grand, but I'll have to work up to the amount of hours per week/month to make enough. Meantime, I've already contracted to buy a hard drive from a coworker ($75) and I've asked a student to type something for me (my thesis script, which appears to exist nowhere electronically since my zip drive and the disk it was reading at the time was fried last spring). So I gotta pay her something, which is necessary, but again... the timing sucks. But I guess the timing always sucks for stuff like this.
What I'm mainly pissed about is the Pain In The Ass Quality (PITAQ) of the situation. This, too, I'll get over. But for now it's where I am.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Perspective
I think part of what was going on for me in the last two weeks was feeling "a disturbance in the force." My good friend ended up in the hospital with a life-threatening situation. Then a week later I find myself facing financial straights yet again.
The good news is that my friend is recovering at home, and I am facing down the current challenge with as much composure as I can muster. I have started exercising again (after torquing my knee 2 weeks ago in T'ai Chi class), and I am doing well with the 3-meals a day routine (although I did fall off the wagon when I baked cookies the other night).
All my holiday shopping, shipping and decorating is done. I have to grade student scripts and maybe do a little tutoring if that comes to fruition in the next week. And then it's Christmas with Momazoo.
It's all about perspective and trust that the Universe is giving us everything we need in every moment - even if it's a painful lesson or an uncomfortable situation.
May All Beings Benefit!
The good news is that my friend is recovering at home, and I am facing down the current challenge with as much composure as I can muster. I have started exercising again (after torquing my knee 2 weeks ago in T'ai Chi class), and I am doing well with the 3-meals a day routine (although I did fall off the wagon when I baked cookies the other night).
All my holiday shopping, shipping and decorating is done. I have to grade student scripts and maybe do a little tutoring if that comes to fruition in the next week. And then it's Christmas with Momazoo.
It's all about perspective and trust that the Universe is giving us everything we need in every moment - even if it's a painful lesson or an uncomfortable situation.
May All Beings Benefit!
On My Toes
Life is keeping me on my toes, as they say. Recap of the week thus far:
1. Last weekend spend some QT with my friend The White Witch. Had a great time with her at her house in the middle of nowhere, NY.
2. Came home Sunday night and crashed from lack of sleep.
3. Woke up Monday morning to an email from my Chair saying that they have canceled one of my sections for next semester. (This in effect halves my salary.)
4. Promptly after picking up this email, the internet went out and I spent an hour on the phone with three people at the internet provider place to figure out what the hell was going on. Finally did get it straightened out (DNS error).
5. Proceeded to freak out as soon as the internet crisis was over. Had enough presence of mind to go into damage-control mode and immediately started casting the net for any last-minute adjunct/instructor/lecturer jobs for Spring semester.
6. Came up dry for next semester but did find a full-time tenure track position for next year at a local 2-year school which is actually quite reputable among NYS 2-year schools.
7. Got an email at 9:00 at night from someone I'd emailed earlier in the day. I met her while I was on the Big Red campus last year and we'd hit it off. They are looking for an instructor to teach one section of developmental writing in the Spring. I immediately emailed the director of that program and offered my services. Apparently, they'd been trying to contact me last week.
8. Didn't hear from said director until Wed. They'd prefer to fill the position with someone who already has an appointment at the university. I heard back from my friend who filled in the gaps in his email to say that he'd offered the position to someone already on campus, but he was waiting to hear back from that person. If they turn it down, it's mine.
So I'm waiting.
On Monday I was in shock and panic. Tuesday and a good part of Wednesday I was raging against the machine. Then after speaking with another part-timer like myself and my mentor there at the college, I realized that there was nothing to take personally. It was most likely a monetary decision, and adjuncts routinely get the short end of the stick in situations like these. The "low enrollment" which was the official reason didn't really hold any water, and we all know that. If they'd kept the section open, more students would have added between now and the spring, even if it wasn't full to capacity.
What I came to realize yesterday afternoon is that I should be thankful that this happened when and how it did, for it has forced me to evaluate whether I want to continue a life of "academic temping" which is what life as an adjunct is really like. No benefits, no stability, no respect. Yes, it's great to fill in the gaps and make some money, but do I want to make a career out of it? Not really.
I'll do what I gotta to pay the bills, but I also have to look for a more permanent arrangement. There are benefits to working part time, as long as the work is steady. I enjoy having time to write and do other projects, but at the same time, it would be nice not to have to worry about whether I can make student loan payments in 6 months.
I have introduced myself as an ESL tutor on an international student listserv here, and already I've had a couple bites. I'm learning quickly to stick up for my rates and my standards, however. All good learning experiences!
Tomorrow night we're having a few people over for a holiday potluck. I'm glad, esp. since the week got off to a very rocky start. It'll be good to have the comfort and joy of good friends.
Thanks to JEB out in Boston for her words of wisdom. Extra special hugs and thanks to Bizarro for being a tremendous support and font of love and TLC this week!
1. Last weekend spend some QT with my friend The White Witch. Had a great time with her at her house in the middle of nowhere, NY.
2. Came home Sunday night and crashed from lack of sleep.
3. Woke up Monday morning to an email from my Chair saying that they have canceled one of my sections for next semester. (This in effect halves my salary.)
4. Promptly after picking up this email, the internet went out and I spent an hour on the phone with three people at the internet provider place to figure out what the hell was going on. Finally did get it straightened out (DNS error).
5. Proceeded to freak out as soon as the internet crisis was over. Had enough presence of mind to go into damage-control mode and immediately started casting the net for any last-minute adjunct/instructor/lecturer jobs for Spring semester.
6. Came up dry for next semester but did find a full-time tenure track position for next year at a local 2-year school which is actually quite reputable among NYS 2-year schools.
7. Got an email at 9:00 at night from someone I'd emailed earlier in the day. I met her while I was on the Big Red campus last year and we'd hit it off. They are looking for an instructor to teach one section of developmental writing in the Spring. I immediately emailed the director of that program and offered my services. Apparently, they'd been trying to contact me last week.
8. Didn't hear from said director until Wed. They'd prefer to fill the position with someone who already has an appointment at the university. I heard back from my friend who filled in the gaps in his email to say that he'd offered the position to someone already on campus, but he was waiting to hear back from that person. If they turn it down, it's mine.
So I'm waiting.
On Monday I was in shock and panic. Tuesday and a good part of Wednesday I was raging against the machine. Then after speaking with another part-timer like myself and my mentor there at the college, I realized that there was nothing to take personally. It was most likely a monetary decision, and adjuncts routinely get the short end of the stick in situations like these. The "low enrollment" which was the official reason didn't really hold any water, and we all know that. If they'd kept the section open, more students would have added between now and the spring, even if it wasn't full to capacity.
What I came to realize yesterday afternoon is that I should be thankful that this happened when and how it did, for it has forced me to evaluate whether I want to continue a life of "academic temping" which is what life as an adjunct is really like. No benefits, no stability, no respect. Yes, it's great to fill in the gaps and make some money, but do I want to make a career out of it? Not really.
I'll do what I gotta to pay the bills, but I also have to look for a more permanent arrangement. There are benefits to working part time, as long as the work is steady. I enjoy having time to write and do other projects, but at the same time, it would be nice not to have to worry about whether I can make student loan payments in 6 months.
I have introduced myself as an ESL tutor on an international student listserv here, and already I've had a couple bites. I'm learning quickly to stick up for my rates and my standards, however. All good learning experiences!
Tomorrow night we're having a few people over for a holiday potluck. I'm glad, esp. since the week got off to a very rocky start. It'll be good to have the comfort and joy of good friends.
Thanks to JEB out in Boston for her words of wisdom. Extra special hugs and thanks to Bizarro for being a tremendous support and font of love and TLC this week!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Coming Down... or Up
Thankfully I've gotten over myself from this afternoon. Still some issues I need to work on resolving here, but my attitude is much-adjusted after an afternoon with Pam and some healthy womyn spirit. Ha ha ha! Seriously, sometimes you just need to hang with your girlfriend. Yes, I realize all the guys reading this are entertaining lude thoughts, but it ain't my fault your brains are in your pants. :P
Wednesday Muck
It's been a rough week, and it's only Wednesday. The thing is, nothing major has happened, but there are a number of smaller crises and on-going stressors that have piled up. I am currently being treated for Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I know that's not all that's going on. There are some changes that need to happen in and around my life, and I'm finding it less than smooth sailing to make those changes.
1. The TCM doctor has told me I have hypoglycemia and must only eat three solid meals a day rather than 6 smaller meals. This is hard for me - I feel hungry and light-headed all the time.
2. TCM doctor also told me I have to exercise at least 40 minutes (30 is just a warm-up) 3 x's a week. YEAH, RIGHT.
3. My PCP doctor says I have no reflexes in my legs so now we're all worried about my thyroid (mom has hypothyroid disease) so I have to get a blood test for that (and will also confirm hypoglycemia diagnosis from TCM Dr.).
My house is a mess, I don't have the time to clean clean clean on top of my professional responsiblities, not to mention my writing.
Somehow, my writing always takes a back seat to everything else. On those occasions I DO make writing a priority, it takes less than a day for everything else to slide into oblivion and the stress cycle starts all over again.
I can never seem to get a handle on all the shit I have to accomplish day to day, and then I start to stress out even more when other people around me aren't able to manage their shit, too. Makes me want to crawl into a hole and not take any phonecalls or any visits.
And of course, it's the holiday season, which traditionally for me has sucked royal ass. This time of year has always served to remind me of loss and pain, and it doesn't help that somehow I always end up in financial crisis about this time of year. Luckily, that didnt happen this year, quite (but it almost did).
Last Sunday I spent with mom, which was fine, but she'd made plans to go to the cemetary to visit dad's grave without asking me. It was planned out and I had no choice but to take us there. I wasn't emotionally prepared for it, and I had to really struggle to maintain my decorum so as not to upset mom.
Fuck it. I'm going to my friend Judy's house this weekend for a little R&R away from all this hideousness (that was a deliberate overstatement, quoting from our favorite movie, "Withnail and I"). It's not really hideous at all, but I do need a break and a bit of a retreat.
Only one more week of class after this; one more round of student scripts to read. I need to make a plan for how I'm going to spend my Winter Break - nurturing myself and getting myself some strategies and healthy alternatives to being an insomniac.
On the bright side, I put up the Christmas tree Saturday evening and it is really pretty. I am going to hang out with my friend Pamela today for a little while before she heads off to parts known and unknown for the Winter Break. I am going to see my friends Judy and Sam this weekend, whom I only get to see a couple times a year. I have invited other friends over next Friday for a little holiday celebration. All these things I do to celebrate my friendships and positive aspects of my life, rather than focussing too much on all the people and things I think I don't have.
1. The TCM doctor has told me I have hypoglycemia and must only eat three solid meals a day rather than 6 smaller meals. This is hard for me - I feel hungry and light-headed all the time.
2. TCM doctor also told me I have to exercise at least 40 minutes (30 is just a warm-up) 3 x's a week. YEAH, RIGHT.
3. My PCP doctor says I have no reflexes in my legs so now we're all worried about my thyroid (mom has hypothyroid disease) so I have to get a blood test for that (and will also confirm hypoglycemia diagnosis from TCM Dr.).
My house is a mess, I don't have the time to clean clean clean on top of my professional responsiblities, not to mention my writing.
Somehow, my writing always takes a back seat to everything else. On those occasions I DO make writing a priority, it takes less than a day for everything else to slide into oblivion and the stress cycle starts all over again.
I can never seem to get a handle on all the shit I have to accomplish day to day, and then I start to stress out even more when other people around me aren't able to manage their shit, too. Makes me want to crawl into a hole and not take any phonecalls or any visits.
And of course, it's the holiday season, which traditionally for me has sucked royal ass. This time of year has always served to remind me of loss and pain, and it doesn't help that somehow I always end up in financial crisis about this time of year. Luckily, that didnt happen this year, quite (but it almost did).
Last Sunday I spent with mom, which was fine, but she'd made plans to go to the cemetary to visit dad's grave without asking me. It was planned out and I had no choice but to take us there. I wasn't emotionally prepared for it, and I had to really struggle to maintain my decorum so as not to upset mom.
Fuck it. I'm going to my friend Judy's house this weekend for a little R&R away from all this hideousness (that was a deliberate overstatement, quoting from our favorite movie, "Withnail and I"). It's not really hideous at all, but I do need a break and a bit of a retreat.
Only one more week of class after this; one more round of student scripts to read. I need to make a plan for how I'm going to spend my Winter Break - nurturing myself and getting myself some strategies and healthy alternatives to being an insomniac.
On the bright side, I put up the Christmas tree Saturday evening and it is really pretty. I am going to hang out with my friend Pamela today for a little while before she heads off to parts known and unknown for the Winter Break. I am going to see my friends Judy and Sam this weekend, whom I only get to see a couple times a year. I have invited other friends over next Friday for a little holiday celebration. All these things I do to celebrate my friendships and positive aspects of my life, rather than focussing too much on all the people and things I think I don't have.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)