Lake Erie looks so fine in the rain

Greetings from Cleveland, O-hi-o. For the umteenth time I will say that we need Caribou Coffee in the City on the Edge of Forever, where the coffee house culture is worse than lame. It is non-existent. If Cleveland has cooler coffee houses than we do, there is something seriously wrong.

Dear Caribou,

When I go to visit my in-laws, you are my refuge, my shelter in the storm. Your real dark chocolate mochas with 2-percent and no whip are my saving grace on a rainy day in Cleveland. What can I do to convince you to come to my town, where we have only two Charbucks, a Panera in the middle of Consumer Sprawl, a lame bookstore cafe in the mall, and a snooty hipster-ridden local chain whose baristas would sooner spit in my eye than make me a cappuccino? Please, please come home with me! I know I sound like a desperate stalker, but you must understand how much a mocha brightens my life when the sun hasn't shone in days.

Love,
Ms. Bizarro