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Mom fell again. Here's the part that ticks me off - it happened LAST Thursday, when I was still in NY! She didn't tell me until yesterday, and only because when I called her from our little family get-together at my nephew's house, she refused to speak to anyone and I finally pressured her into telling me what was wrong. She broke her fucking wrist this time (the same one she'd sprained 2 weeks ago).

The only good part (and I hate calling it good because it all pretty much sucks) is that she has already decided (without me having to talk her into it) that she needs to get into an assisted living situation. So this summer will consist of me helping her make that transition.

I know I sound like a whiny brat, but it probably means putting all my own stuff on hold AGAIN.

But I also recognize that it won't be like this forever. Once she is settled into an assisted living situation, in my town where I can visit her frequently and easily, it will be easier on both of us. She'll have the help she needs on a regular basis, and I won't have to constantly disrupt my life and my husband's life with extended and multiple long-distance trips.

So this has put a damper on my week, but I am looking for a silver lining. She managed this entire week without me, so that proves that I don't have to put myself under so much stress. However, today was classic - me calling back and forth between her doctor and social worker to try to get her a prescription before the pharmacy closed, with her in dialysis all afternoon/evening. On top of the fall, now she's got a cold which makes me nervous (she has chest pain). She's on an antibiotic for now and has an appointment in a week and a half to see the doctor again.

Looks like it'll be a summer of me driving down and taking her to doctor's appointments, then. Her cast is on for 4 weeks. What the fuck am I going to do when I'm working full time for the 5-week summer program? I won't be around to do for her. I guess I'll have to remember this week that I've been away and remember what I just said - she survived without my help. That's just the way it's going to have to be from time to time because I am out here on my own and will have to trust friends and colleagues to be part of her support system.

Up until yesterday's phone call I'd been having a good vacation, but I'd JUST barely felt myself getting to the point of unwinding when all this kicked up again. I have amended my plans - not going to the Cape and coming back to NY a day early - but I am still trying to make time for myself to relax and soak up the love of my family out here.

I have to say - it fucking sucks being away from my family. I hope that one day when we are done with I-town, we can relocate somewhere closer to my own people. People who have known me my whole life, or just about. Both blood and friends-like-blood. My nephew and his wife are expecting their second child now - and I spent most of my time at teh BBQ yesterday trying to get my almost 2-year-old great nephew to know me as "Auntie." I hate the idea of not being a part of his and his soon-to-be sibling's lives.

I just feel SO much better here by the ocean. Down at sea level where I belong. I hate being in the hills and valleys of Upstate New York. It literally and figuratively feels like I have my head stuck in the fog and clouds all the time. The sun shines something like only 50% of the year. It's awful. I really hope when the time is right we can leave NY State once and for all.

That's enough whining for now.

Mai Tai Photos

As promised!


Mai Tai by the fire...


Mai tai-worthy treats...


Now THAT'S a Mai Tai!

I know it was a couple weeks ago, but thanks again PMP and SMJ for making it a great night!

So much for Hollywood...

Movies To Be Produced In Every Home (a prediction from 1925).

With comsumer-grade digital editing software, teh intartubes, and easy to use digital video cameras such as the Flip, filmmaking has been democratized. A good thing? a bad thing? One thing's for sure, it's revolutionizing the film and television industries' outlook on their audiences and products.

Sun in my eyes

...is preferable to rain clouds and cold damp.

Thankfully, this weekend has been beautiful, and I am enjoying my respite at home. Yesterday I performed "nesting" activities such as: putting new wheel covers on my car, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, and clearing off the patio. Also did general clean up, finished my latest Space: 1999 read (review coming soon), watched a really awful movie on Sci Fi Channel (Russel Mulcahy's Tale of the Mummy starring Jason Scott Lee, Christopher Lee, and a bunch of other people who should've known better than to be in this craptastic movie), and grilled out burgers on the hibachi. Also went to the Farmers Market and bought a cool hand-made silver hair barette, then went to Staples and printed off the latest draft of my own 1999 novella. Also talked to my nephew and made our plans to hang out for the coming week (yay!).

Today I will put away the clean laundry, pack my stuff and the car for my trip tomorrow, and run through my afore-mentioned novella with a fine-toothed comb.

Today happens to be graduation for the big school on the hill, which means I'm not going anywhere near downtown or campus. If anything, we might pop over to the Borders cafe later for a browse and a hot beverage, but that's it.

I am looking forward to my visit to Massachussetts, of course. I'm trying to decide which writing projects to bring with me. This morning it hit me that I should bring my notes for the Korea film to start penning a proper script (which will be very helpful before I'm logging footage and editing when I get back). Plus it will help me feel less guilty about taking a week off when I have a film to make. I may give the 1999 story a rest (which is good to do going into a final draft, IMO), and work on the first draft of "Beauty Is..." (the young adult mystery set in the '50s). That's been calling to me for a couple weeks, so I think it's time.

And now it's time to make breakfast, which on Sunday morning comprises pancakes, eggs and sausage (for Bizarro).

The Black Knight's Presentation

more graph humor and song chart memes

The Hills Have Eyes

more graph humor and song chart memes

(thanks B!)

It's All About the Timing

The last few days I've been stressing a little over my proposed vacation in Massachussetts. I realized that I am so exhausted, I needed just one more day at home to chillax and push my reset button before I get behind the wheel of a car and drive 6 hours.

SO I'm now leaving on Monday instead of Sunday. Just a slight change in my itinerary, but it's making a world of difference for my outlook going into my vacation (which officially began at 4:02 p.m. today).

Body Image

Today PMP and I did a Target run (our last until August! boo hoo! it's like going home from college for the summer and not seeing your friends for 3 months, except I'm staying and she's going... I will miss her sooo much...).

Anyway, we did a Target run and I tried on some fun T-shirts - I was excited to buy some fun summer colors - but lo and behold, the shirts were utterly too small for me. I was so disgusted with myself in the dressing room mirror. Can I just tell you? I don't mean to get too personal, but I have gained 8.5 lbs since February - despite all the belly dancing and walking. I know part of it is my diet (a BIG part of it) and the other part is the sort of half-assed way I approach fitness. So anyway, I nearly had a breakdown in Tar-zhay -- poor PMP! I totally rained on our parade, but then I pulled myself out of it and we enjoyed the rest of our evening and dinner together.

SO what is it with my weight? Why am I having such a hard time? I keep asking myself these questions, and while I admit that diet and exercise are the main problems, I also have to cut myself some slack and realize that I AM 40. Metabolism slows after 30 - I forget how much with each year. This just means I have to be smarter about my food and exercise. I am really REALLY motivated after my visit to the doctor's last week and this latest incident in the dressing room to get my act together.

Of course I had to go and fucking sprain my ankle (badly, as it turns out - it is still very bruised and tender, though I am walking more normally on it now). So with a sprained ankle I can't dance or go walking. But I am doing calisthenics - push ups, sit ups, using hand weights, and stretching. The basics. I figure by the time I return from Massachussetts, I will be able to rejoin my dance class and start up the Yoga class I've been eyeing for awhile (taught by my awesome chiropractor/massage therapist). Until then, I will continue with the basics and watch the snacking at night (that is my downfall, I have determined). Eventually it will be summer and I can go swimming in the pool as well, and I intend on getting a membership to the Y so that I can continue swimming and other exercise indoors when the shitty weather hits late Fall.

Don't worry, though, this will never happen:



P.S. And oh yeah, I'm off alcohol for awhile as I attempt to limit my intake of sugars, as well as hydrogenated oils and other bad stuff. No Mai Tais for awhile (well, I will have one at Tiki Port, but ONLY one).

Mai Tai Happens

Last night, PMP, SMJ and I had ourselves a grand Mai Tai party, although the chilly damp rainy weather kept us inside instead of out on the patio. Still, we had the string of festive lights up, and a fire in the fireplace. I had one too many, though, and have woken this morning with a banger of a hangover. I'd forgotten what rum can do to a person. The good news is that the Mai Tais were yummy and now that I know how to do it (watching SMJ pour all night), I can have one pretty much any time I want (instead of going on a bender).

Here's the recipe we used, modified for missing ingredients:

1 oz light rum
1 oz dark rum
splash of orange curacao
(orgeat) or in our case, a splash of cheap almond liqueur (could not find orgeat anywhere so this provided the almond color)
(rock candy syrup) again, no dice, so we made due with confectioners sugar
juice of a lime (to taste)
garnish of orange and a sprig of lemon balm (no fresh mint was to be had)

Photos coming soon!

I have to eat my oatmeal now. PMP and I are going to Momazoo's this afternoon. Makin' a pork roast, I believe. I dunno about pork on a hangover, but we'll just find out, won't we?

Look-see

Check out William Latham's site on the links in the sidebar.

Bill has written Space: 1999 novels for Powys Media, as well as other novels in the sci/fi horror genre (and beyond!). I've recently read his first 1999 novel Resurrection, and am looking forward to reading others as I make my way through the backlog of novels Powys has published. Bill is a consummate writer, and as I've discovered from our recent lengthy email exchanges, a good guy, to boot.

A word on the novels - these are not novelizations of old episodes. These are new stories that pick up where the second and final season of 1999 left off. As such, these books are considered "canon" in the 1999 universe. Developing character arcs and story elements connected to the televised series are the hallmarks of these new adventures of Moonbase Alpha. If you go to the Powys site and click on the latest 1999 novel, Born for Adversity, you can link to an interview with the publisher and the writer for the scoop on what is being called "Year Three" of the series.

If you're a Space: 1999 fan (or were when the show was on), give Resurrection a whirl (oh, and it's better to buy from Powys rather than Amazon - the publisher gets more money that way). But leave a review for the writer on Amazon - which is essentially a marketing tool, I've come to realize!

Maybe one day you'll see my name in a Powys anthology of short 1999 works and you can leave feedback for me...

Coming in for a landing (or, "laser joojoo")

Just a quick update on things. Mom is doing pretty well now at home, although she's still in a lot of pain. Turns out her wrist is sprained, not broken (don't ask me how the ER fucked that up; the x-ray report that the orthopedic surgeon read from yesterday clearly said nothing was broken). Mom's state of mind is pretty good, too, and she realizes now that she NEEDS assisstive devices for walking (her cane and her walker). I think she's just glad that it is all behind her - especially since one of her doctors, the dialysis guy, started talking smack bout how she can't live alone any more. That really freaked me out, but her social worker and physical therapist both agree that it's too early for that. She still has all her mental faculties and just needs a little help walking, that's all. She's got in-home health aides to help with cleaning and groceries, and her current apartment is attached to the doctors' office building and hospital, with a very attentive management staff and friends all around her. There are mechanisms for looking in on the tenants there (elderly and disabled), but everyone has an independent standard of living, which is what she wants and needs (particularly for her emotional health).

SO now I'm finally focusing on my own stuff - tending to my sprained ankle, and the last bit of grading to do for tomorrow's deadline. I'm hoping next Monday with everything behind me, I can start working on the film and get that off the ground before I leave for Boston on Memorial Day weekend.

Over all, my mood is pretty good right now. Step at a time, as they say. I am feeling more at ease with my ability to cope with the harder aspects of getting older and having an aging parent. This latest installment has helped me to further delineate what is my responsibility and what isn't, and has reminded me that I can't change everything. Mom's Karma is her own, as is mine. Sort of like the serenity prayer, I suppose, but in a Buddhist framework that resonates for me.

Okay, I have to get cracking on these essays. The last batch.

The worst Mother's Day ever...

We got a call from my mom's friend about 30 minutes before we were to leave for mom's, telling us that she was in the E.R. Mom fell in the church parking lot after mass and really messed herself up good. But the upside is that nothing major is broken, although she has a hairline fracture in her right wrist and her face is a mess.

She's in a lot of pain and is so thoroughly angry for herself for being a "clutz" that I had to remind her numerous times that she can't blame herself. Oh, physician, heal thyself! After MY fall yesterday, I was kicking myself in much the same way. It's so weird that I fell yesterday and she fell today; neither fall was serious, but in both cases provided a reality check for us. Is it significant that our falls came 2 and 3 days, respectively, after the 29th anniversary of Dad's passing? I wonder...

I'm not sure how much longer mom will be able to manage on her own. This is the 2nd fall in 3 weeks. She's home now and resting, although I am very nervous about her being alone. We had to come home tonight; Bizarro has work tomorrow and I have a doctor's appointment of my own that I need to keep. SMJ is being a doll and will drive me down tomorrow in my car (my ankle can't be cramped up in the driver's well; it needs to be elevated to keep the swelling down for 48 hours). Anyway, we'll see what the doc says.

This is a lot to take in, but I am doing okay. Bizarro was fantastic today and I am so grateful that he is my huzzzbinnnd. For now, I am ready for my shot of whiskey and then bath and then to bed. More updates soon...

Un-frakking-believable

I sprained my fucking left ankle today while carrying laundry from the laundry room (there was a small step and I missed it). Luckily it was the last item on the list of housework for the day, so at least my house is clean and the laundry is done, which is good because I'm stuck on the couch so I have nothing to do but notice how clean the place is.

At least it's not broken (had it xrayed at the urgent care clinic).

Still going to Mom's for Mother's Day tomorrow. Bizarro is driving though, and I will have to ride with my foot up on the dashboard.

So much for the beginning of summer.

Mood: sprained.

The End is in sight

The last week has been craptastic, but it's ending soon. I finished grading students' last papers this morning at 9:40 (had to meet them at 10:30). Then I collected their final exam take home essays, which I will now grade over the weekend and then finish calculamalating their grades on Monday. It was an aggravating split-shift day, the morning at school, the affernoon at the Chorch. The Chorch job can be annoying because there are so many tasks that make up my job, and each task has a million steps and it doesn't take much for me to screw something up. Thankfully, nothing is irreversibly, horribly impossible to correct, but I hate making mistakes and today when I was teased for an error I made last week (that I didn't know about until I was teased for it), I nearly burst into tears. DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW STRESSED OUT I AM? YESTERDAY WAS THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY DAD'S DEATH AND I'M TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER HERE SO FUCKING CUT ME SOME SLACK!

Of course they don't know that and I never let on when I'm feeling too down in the dumps, so I'm sure it was funny to them that I'd made this little error. But to me it was not so little (and this is MY problem, I realize).

So well now I'm gulping some yogurt and fruit before I go pick up Bizarro for our appointment that we had to miss last week (and I got snapped at on the phone for it by the person with whom we had the appointment) because of the nonsense on campus that closed the roads, etc. After our appointment, we are going for Korean food and I'm having me a beer goddammit.

Today, there are no words...

...so I'll let this picture do all the talking for me.



www.engrish.com

Colbert-via-KPop

Last Day...Year of the City...2008

1. Name that quote.
2. Had my last class today. I have a stack of papers to grade and hand back on Friday when we meet for our final exam (it's a take home essay), and then I'll have to grade the final essays. I expect that a week from today, I'll be done-done.

Tired, and ready for sleep as soon as Medium is over. Tomorrow going to visit Momazoo.

Happy Cinquo de Mayo!

Pass me my silver jump-suit

I just laughed so hard that my nose is running. And yes, I'm still up. I keep getting distracted and then my husband sends me THIS.

They don't include two important style items from the Sci Fi multi-verse: the dress uniform disco capes from the original Battlestar Galactica, and the elephant-pant-legs and platform shoes of Space: 1999.

Up-upstate

Back from a delightful weekend in what I consider to be Upstate New York's finest city. I used to live there, oh, about ten years ago or so. Bizarro and I spent the day there with our friends T&L, and although the weather was dismal (no lilac viewing in the city park, or wandering the gorgeously gothic cemetery), and we didn't make it on time for the short films of the film festival, we enjoyed the day immensely. After driving around for a while, T. asked me if there was anywhere in the city I HADN'T lived at one point. I moved around a lot between grad school and jobs, so it did seem that I had lived in most of the major areas of the city and suburbs. Truth is, I'd love to live there again. The place has cleaned up well over the last ten years, and there are amenities that I crave and cannot fulfill here in Ogreville (for instance, a coffee shop with ambiance that doesn't scream "I am woman, here me roar" (yes, I spelled that wrong on purpose), or "Vegans taste better"), and of course, an actual pub with real food and drink.

Photos coming soon, promise.

I will write more about the "where do I want to live?" question soon, too, but right now I really have to get to sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzz

O Captain, My Captain

Farewell to Captain Eli Jones, kitteh extraordinaire, chaser of used q-tips and prism rainbows, nibbler of toes, frolicker in the grass... he lived 14 glorious years and provided hours of love, cuddles and entertainment to his Human, Rache.

We commit his mortal remains to the sea (or in this case, the back yard), and wish him a happy reincarnation.

Dionysis Lives

At the Big School On The Hill today, a sanctioned, corporate-sponsored campus-wide party is in full effect from dawn until long after dusk. It's the year-end orgy of booze, music, violence and sex that holds this town in a grip every spring, and I despise it. Why? Because I can't get anywhere near where Bizarro works to pick him up. Roads are closed, and those that aren't closed are congested with drunken students. That's just a minor inconvenience; the real worry is what is happening to higher education.

I remember having a "Class Day" at my alma mater, and it was indeed a day of partying, but the college didn't sanction it with bands and beer tents. It was more or less a day when the administration turned their backs on all the underage drinking and only punished those who did something stupid like climb the bell tower on the administration building.

There's a fair amount of controversy about colleges and universities across the country holding these kinds of sanctioned Bacchanalian orgies, and rightly so. On one hand there are posters and flyers all over campus warning students against binge drinking and date rape, which is fine, but then they make it easy for all the above to take place when they offer up beer and music on the slope all day. What are they really doing? They're sending mixed messages to students and making it easy for them to hurt themselves and each other. Higher Education, indeed.

"waiting is the hardest part"

I'm circling over the Airport of Life in a holding pattern, waiting for clearance to land.

What am I waiting for, you ask? What, indeed.

1. I am waiting to hear from the selection committee of a conference held in Korea every year, to find out if my proposal to present in October has been accepted. If it is, I will screen clips from my work in progress documentary about EFL teachers in Korea. The wait is particularly annoying because I have to apply for a grant to help with the airfare, and the deadline for that is the end of this month. I need a confirmation of the invitation to apply for the grant, and since it would have to come from Korea, this puts a time crunch into effect.

2. I applied for a large screenwriting grant from a local-ish arts colony, and they were supposed to have their announcements ready be end of April (yes, it's May 1st). It's a large grant, too, which would make life easier for the rest of the year in that I could make writing and filmmaking my first priority instead of trying to find another teaching job for this fall.

Speaking of May 1st, happy Beltane/Labour Day/May Day/Lei Day (in Hawaii, natch)!