The Fourth Kind

Gettting my groove on

Second week of classes has begun. Feeling a lot more comfortable with my community college class. I feel like today I got to connect with them and we got started with the work to be done. For the most part they were engaged and with me. yay! Maybe I've found my true calling.

Gotta get the routine going and stick to it. On Thursday I'm going to check out the water aerobics class.

The paranormal investigation I went on last Saturday was really quite interesting. More details to follow after I completely review the evidence (miniDV tape). Lots of personal experiences and one or two things for consideration on digital photos and video from the Flip.

Jason Hawes look out!

This Saturday night I am going on a ghost hunt with a local ghost hunting group. I'm not a member; I'm a guest for the evening. I am really looking forward to it! Have to prep my cameras and come prepared with caffeinated beverages and a hoodie. I'll be sure to write up a report.

I'm glad this opportunity came now, before things get busier in the fall.

In all seriousness I have nothing to be grumpy about. Our financials are looking up with Bizarro's bonus and my paychecks being stronger than I'd anticipated. We're on a budget and it's working out well. I've been writing and getting things done.

But last night I realized was 6 months to the day (Wed. the 22nd) that Mom died. I had a hard time falling asleep anyway because it's so damned muggy and gross, but then weird shit kept happening.

Weird shit? you ask. Yeah like a pile of pots and pans that I need to bring to Salvo suddenly fell over on it's own. I kept hearing things that, with my earplugs on, I couldn't tell what they were. (I know that's a grammatically fucked up sentence but I don't care.) I got up numerous times and at one point saw a centipede crossing the room. SERIOUSLY? A centipede. EW GROSS. I had to dispatch the centipede or there was no way I was ever going to sleep. Just a really frickin' aweful night. And of course these things always happen the night before I have to get up and clean house at the rectory, so that I'm a zombie.

And that's where I'm off to now. My head feels like a trash compacter, only instead of trash it's snot. This weather is killing me.

But on the bright side, we are going to Massachusetts next month so there's something to look forward to. I hope there's some decent weather when we get there.

Oh crap time to go to work.

EVP?

I hear a moaning sound at a couple of points in this clip taken in one of the underground bunkers at Ft. Revere in Hull, MA. Give me a shout out if you hear it, too. This was my first foray into amateur ghost hunting, totally off the cuff, shot with a Flip. I couldn't believe I got an EVP my first day out. Went back the next day and got nothing.

P.S. There is a repetitive beeping audible - that's an artifact from the Flip. It's best to listen with headphones, BTW.

Mom's been gone a week. Doesn't seem possible. Seems like a lifetime ago, but also seems like yesterday. It's weird how extreme emotion bends time like that.

My brother and his wife and my nephew were here for a few days. After everyone left, the apartment seemed awfully empty. Even more so now that Bizarro has gone back to work. I have the week off but I am saddled with so much stuff I gotta do: laundry, donations from Mom's things, thank you cards, figuring out where to put Mom's Xmas stuff that I don't want to get rid of, closing her account at the bank... All made worse in my mind by the fact that we got dumped on with snow yesterday and last night, so it's nasty out there and I just don't want to deal with any of it.

I spent yesterday reading the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, which was very helpful to me in sorting out "the aferlife." Because of my RC upbringing, my years as a Pagan, and my present Buddhist belief system, I was having a hard time figuring out what the afterlife is all about. I don't think it's something anyone can say definitively "this is what it is." I do think it exists, and I do think souls or conciousnesses travel in an intermediate stage, and are reborn if their karma demands it. According to Tibetan and Catholic traditions, the living can help the souls of the dead by praying for them to reach their highest potential (Enlightenment, Heaven, or at least a positive rebirth experience).

Last night we watched International Ghost Hunters and I realized that I am uncomfortable watching that stuff. If there really are spirits or parts of spirit energy trapped somewhere, it seems awfully mean and disrespectful to nag at them, poke them with a stick and make them perform for the cameras, just to "prove" their existence. Maybe what those spirits or spirit energies need is help finding their way to where they belong (if that's even possible). At one point on GHI, Dustin explained that he wanted to give the alleged ghost a chance to tell his story - which I though was admirable at least. To acknowledge the grief with which that person died and let him know that he's not forgotten. Hmm... but I have to rethink what I really feel about those kinds of shows (esp. the ridiculous "Ghost Adventures" and "Most Haunted").

To those who don't believe in such things at all, I realize it's a bunch of hogwash. Regardless of others' doubts, I'm willing to say prayers for my Mom and Dad in the afterlife, which I believe can only do good.

I miss Mom so much - it's an undercurrent. I'm not pulling my hair out and crying (that was in the first few days) but I'm finding it hard to get back to life with all it's ups and downs. For now I just want to stay huddled in my apartment with a good book and a cup of tea. Problem is, as long as the piles of stuff are staring me in the face, I will feel uneasy about not doing them. That's the Elsie in me! I have to smile at that.

Get Ready... Cuz Here I Come

I am home prepping for classes today. Pretty much set for this week; getting a syllabus put together for the community college class that starts next week. Reviewing scripts, texts, etc. for handouts and stuff.

All while A&E runs a Paranormal State marathon leading up to tonight's new episodes.

Also, I just have to say how sickening it is that our culture is obsessed with weight loss. Check it: yesterday in the grocery checkout I saw the cover of some popular women's magazine that had huge headlines about how to lose 20 lbs fast, and some pop star's advice on losing that belly fat. And the cover art? I GIANT piece of chocolate cake (4 layers) and the recipe on page whatever. Talk about mixed messages!

The latest scam: Acai Berry and Bromalite. These products are being hawked viciously online, at Yahoo, Google, etc. In fact I have those two sites open right now in separate tabs, and as I was writing this, one of the tabs automatically switched forward with a warning to ORDER NOW BEFORE YOUR TIME IS UP! This kind of aggressive marketing kills me - these products are no different than any other fad (Goji berry, anyone?). I only have these tabs open, BTW, cause I have a Mac. Had I been on a PC, I wouldn't ever click on an ad. OH - and when I just tried to close the tab, it gave me a "do you REALLY want to close this tab and lose this incredible opportunity?" bullshit. Assholes!

End rant.

Writing Retreat - Epilogue

Remember when cop shows in the 70s had "epilogues," and they'd actually say it across the screen: "Epilogue." Are you old enough to remember cop shows in the 70s?

So I'm home now, in the freezing tundra that is our apartment. When it's -4trillion degrees outside, it really doesn't matter how high you crank up the antiquated "radiant heaters." It's gonna be cold no matter what. The last couple nights Bizarro and I have been sleeping on the futon in our living room because the bedroom might as well be out in the parking lot, it's so damned cold in there. It's been fun, though, like a sleep over.

So I finished the day working on the Korea doco. Still am struggling with the script but I'm getting closer - I can feel it. My goal is to be ready for rough cutting in March when I go back to the artist colony during spring break. Which is right after we go to Splash Lagoon!

This was a remarkably productive retreat. I was in a different studio than the last few times I went up there. This one is actually called a "writer's studio" rather than the painter's studio I had before. It's warmer, for one thing, and is right next to the full kitchen. And there's carpeting. The writing desk faces the sun all day - so lovely and warm!

Know what I wish I had right now? Ondol flooring like they have in Korea. Heating THROUGH the floor. What a simple, amazing, brilliant concept. Instead we Americans slap wall-to-wall carpeting on top of concrete can call it done. Sheesh.

I am SO READY to find out who the Final Cylon is tonight! And what the frak is up with "Earth?" and when will Apollo and Starbuck just DO IT for gods' sake!

"Ghosthunting for Frat Boys" (aka Ghost Adventures) is on now. Fools. "Paranormal State" starts back up on Monday. Looks like it's another demon episode. Those folks better be careful what they're messing with.

That's all my ranting for now. Time to go curl up in a swaddle of blankets and my corn warmer.

It's Life Jim, But Not As We Know It...

Last night's episode of Paranormal State featured a young woman who was demonically possessed. At one point, Ryan Buell interviewed a psychologist to get his take on the young woman's mental health. The psychologist said that he believed the girl believed something was going on, and as such he had to take it seriously. He didn't feel she had schizophrenia, but didn't exactly rule out disassociative disorder. I got me thinking again about the powerful connection between mind and body. I can't say one way or another whether the girl was actually possessed, but if someone really believes they are being tormented by some other entity, perhaps an exorcism really is the only way to go. This ritual means something to the afflicted person, and therefore that person could potentially release the negativity involved.

This gets me thinking even deeper about the concept of demonic possession. Ancient religion calls it a demon - personifies it, more or less, into a being that has will, intent, independent thought, etc. But what if this negativity is actually a manifestation of a deeply-seated HUMAN impulse that has been relegated to the depths of our experience because we have rules of righteousness and sanity that we are supposed to follow. IOW, the grossest parts of ourselves manifest as a possession because somehow the conscious mind can't deal with the innate "evil." Maybe some deeply troubled psyches become serial killers, and others are possessed as a form of self-torture. I'm sure there are bookshelves of books on the matter, and quite frankly I don't have time to read all the literature. But it is something interesting to think about.

In Buddhist tradition, there are demons, but depending upon what tradition and sect you consult, some of these demons are projections of human weaknesses, while others are actual beings. However, given that it is Buddhism, nothing really exists independently, anyway, so it's all a matter of human construct.

How's THAT for a mind fuck?

Destination: Blarg

Watched Destination: Truth last night - only because they were in Japan and Philippines (irony, anyone?). The footage in the Philippines was hilarious to us (Bizarro being Filipino-American) and not at all creepy. Of course they showed the "straight up mountain province" Filipinos with 10 people on a scooter, where 80% of the population are superstitious enough to believe in the legendary Aswang. Thanks, Josh, for perpetuating the stereotype of the backwards South East Asian country!

The ghost thing they caught on video in the haunted forest around Mt. Fuji where people go to commit sepuku was, on the other hand, pret-ty creepy. No wonder J-horror is so freaking scary. There's actually scary shit in the woods over there.

Grudgu

"I forgot all about your needs; I was too busy tending to my own."

This awesome quote from Aqua Teen Hunger Force seems to be a reigning theme of the week. I've experienced a distressing lack of boundaries, disrespect for my hallowed and well-deserved yet puny 30 minute lunch break, and the stink eye from a fellow customer who clearly felt I needed to get out of her way so she could do her business.

What the hell, people? First of all, there's this thing called CIVILITY which used to be a mark of CIVILIZATION. Secondly, a person's lunch is SACRED. You're a liberal, don't you realize how hard the unions fought for that? Jeezuz!

It's okay; I kept telling myself today that every time someone treats me like an inferior admininstrative assistant with no human rights, it will be that much easier to walk away from the job when the time comes. I've been wracked with guilt at the thought of "betraying" my boss who HAS been incredibly wonderful to me in so many ways. Then my space gets stepped on by the Flying Nun, or the Jersey Girl interrupts my lunch to get a message off the answering service, and I remember why I'm not happy there. Oh, and also, I'm not a freaking secretary - I'm a TEACHER and a WRITER.

Last night Paranormal State was a repeat, which was a bummer. But next week they go chasing UFOs (with Chip Coffey!) for their mid-season finale. Stoke!

I am cooking up a kick-ass sauce with a base of hot turkey Italian sassage, sauted onions and garlic with sherry, and some organic tomatoes. Can't wait to eat when Bizarro gets home!

Last thing - I want to recommend that everyone see the film "Tampopo," a Japanese foody flick so-called a "noodle Western." It's fun, kooky, and will make you hungry (esp. if you like Japanese food)!

A Haunting

The other thing I watched today while on the couch, clutching my roll of T.P. and my box of cough drops, was "A Haunting" which is a show that dramatizes supposed true stories of haunted houses. I'd seen the ep. before but I didn't remember that the demonologists in the case were Lorraine and Ed Warren, of Amitiville Horror fame and now enjoying TV fame on "Paranormal State."

I wonder what possesses someone to become a demonologist.

GET IT? I couldn't resist.

We are now watching "Destination Truth," which I usually don't watch, but they're ghost hunting in a Javanese cave. Josh Gates has the most annoying voice on TV, and he seems to enjoy disrespecting the native peoples he visits in search of his mythical beasts. But he is occasionally funny, in a self-deprecating annoying kind of way. One thing's for sure, he really gets himself into some dangerous spots in search of whatever (truth?).

I will say that he scored points with me when he guest-starred on Ghost Hunters International and taunted the ghost by saying "Whip a rock into Andy (Andrew)'s face." Now that is something I'd like to see.

Ostrich Feathers

As we are all painfully aware, the election season is in full swing with the Democratic National Concruption and Republican National Confuscation. I choose to stick my head in the sand. I choose, instead, to think about blather like The Paranormal Research Society.

These guys have it made - college kids with digital equipment and a keen interest in the paranormal who go to people's homes to research their potentially paranormal problems and come up with possible solutions. Although Ryan Buell is cute and seems to have his heart in the right place - I wonder if it's A&E's programming people who are controlling the type of stories that are included - there seems to be a predominance of evil/demonic spirit stories lately.

I watch it every week because 1. I'm interested in the paranormal, 2. I love the idea of a student group doing this kind of work and 3. Chip Coffey ROCKS. His antics are very entertaining. Supposably (that's a nod to rival paranormal researcher Jason Hawes' terrible grammar, as heard on GhostHunters), Ryan B. doesn't believe in mediums/psychics and is not one to take Chip's word (or any medium's) at face value. That might explain why he often wears a quizzical expression for most of the episode. Hell, he doesn't even seem to believe his own staff when they go to the library and turn up research that supports a medium's claims. I have a feeling that A&E doesn't allow a lot of his skepticism to come through because it wouldn't be as exciting to the audience (and they might tune out).

These ghosthunting groups like TAPS and PRS get picked up by cable TV and turned into a commodity like everything else, though, complete with formulaic programs and cheap knock-offs and "if you like X, you LOVE Y" from lesser networks' daytime programming (I'm thinking here of "A Haunting" which has to be the MOST ridiculous piece of shit I've ever seen glowing out of my cathode ray tube).

(Edited for snark-rant content on 9/3.)

Ennui in the Haus

Today was a gorgeous day outside, but I, I... sat around the living room for most of it pining for the fjords. The relentless grip of Ennui had me by the knuts, and it wasn't until around 8-ish that I was finally able to shake it off. A bowl of cherries and about 30 minutes of watching Milla jump around in Resident Evil: Apocalypse was all it took.

Yesterday I saw an older Chinese lady doing T'ai Chi outside and I ran up to her and asked if I could learn. We did the form together - somewhat familiar to me, then her son came out and translated for us. I asked if we could trade English for T'ai Chi, but her son explained that she is too old to learn English and was going back home in a month, but I was free to hang out and do T'ai Chi. We agreed on 9 a.m. I showed up at 9 a.m. this morning, terribly excited and prepared with some Chinese phrases I reviewed from my one quarter of Chinese in grad school. I waited 17 minutes but she didn't show. I came back to the apartment devastated and pissed off at old Chinese ladies... and then the Ennui set in.

It was just like that episode of "Paranormal State" I half-watched today, where the family's trailer is a disaster of a mess, the couple's relationship is just as much a horror show, and all this disarray and disharmony attracts a demon (that only Chip Coffey can denounce). I allowed my disaffected mind to become a playground for the Ennui Demon. But eventually I overcame its dark and monstrous apathy. So take note - the cure for ennui: a bowl of cherries and Milla kicking ass.

P.S. Now this is creepy - this just happens to be post #666!