A New Hope
Yes, it's been while since my last post. It's just like my mother always said when she was feeling down, that she didn't like to write letters (or emails) when in a bad mood. I'm very much the same. These last two weeks have been especially tough - not hearing anything from the UofR people for 3 weeks really got me down, plus the feeling of being overwhelmed by everything I have to finish in the next week or two.
But, the other night I had a breakthrough. Tuesday we had drinks and dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Club. I felt bad because although I am really happy that Catwoman has a rockin' job lined up, I was feeling sorry for myself because 1. I will miss them so much and 2. I don't have a job lined up myself. What with my OCD tendancies and all the shadows of my past career blunders, I've found it hard to keep up good spirits and all.
Anyway, Tuesday night Bizarro went to Club. I lay around and whined to myself, then got into bed, exhausted, by 10 p.m. I couldn't sleep of course. So I started really REALLY thinking about things and started bit by bit to see that things aren't half as bad as I make them out to be. And I realized how many wonderful things are in my life, and how I shouldn't be so bound up in the future that I let the present pass me by. Just as Bizarro was unlocking the door downstairs, I realized how much I love him, and how fortunate I am to be married to him. We stayed up until 2 a.m. talking and being silly. It broke all the tension I had been feeling about myself and my worth in the world - and it reminded me that I have so many great things in my life, including my own self.
Bolstered by this, I sent a last email to UofR yesterday at 6 p.m. This morning there was an email waiting for me from the woman there and her assistant to set up an interview on June 6th! We will be going to NY that weekend anyway, so I built in an extra day for an interview - and there it is.
I am feeling confident at this point that something positive will come out of the interview. When I talked to her before she sounded really ready to get me onboard - the hiatus seems to have been a combination of her email problems, my email problems (well, OU's email problems) and the fact that UofR had their graduations two weeks ago. Moving forward....
I'm psyched and full of energy to get all my work done. This weekend I will finish my paper and by next Thursday all of the requirements for my M.A. will be finished.
Speaking of which, time to get back to work. I'm so happy right now that I won't even bitch about the latest Star Wars episode. Heh.
Friday, May 06, 2005
ClearDay Hello
Tonight I'm going to a Dharma talk by Lama Kathy, who performed our wedding. The talk is in the very same chapel in which we got married. Sorry that Bizarro has to work at the Diamond Mines, though.
This afternoon we had our orientation meeting for the Proseminar conference next Saturday. I have a lot of work to get done between now and then, but now that I've started writing the results for the paper, I am emboldened. It was just tough getting started on the last part. This is it - the last push! Graduating in 35 days!!!
Tonight I'm going to a Dharma talk by Lama Kathy, who performed our wedding. The talk is in the very same chapel in which we got married. Sorry that Bizarro has to work at the Diamond Mines, though.
This afternoon we had our orientation meeting for the Proseminar conference next Saturday. I have a lot of work to get done between now and then, but now that I've started writing the results for the paper, I am emboldened. It was just tough getting started on the last part. This is it - the last push! Graduating in 35 days!!!
Thursday, May 05, 2005
...the rest of.............the story
I always made fun of how Paul Harvey said that line, with this huge pause. Anyway, after yesterday's post I must finish the story.
Let's see... well after I discovered that the show was sold out at the film fest, I called the Queen and left a message about it. She called back and said "no sweat, I got a couple extra tix so you're all set." I agreed to come to her party, after all it seemed fitting. I went with the little secret, the knowledge that the film had actually been rejected.
The lawn party at her place was full of townie supporters and those who worked on/in the movie. Queenie's husband had this totally ostentatious sign made for the premiere party and planted it on the front lawn. I managed to find a couple people I felt comfortable talking to. There was lot's of hob-nobbing and totally fake conversations about stuff that hardly matters. Bizarro keeps threatening to show me how to mingle with the rich and famous. As I explained to him last night, if I know I've something to gain I can mingle with the best of them. If I'm disinterested and totally unmoved and have nothing to gain, I prefer to find a place to perch and just people watch.
Anyway, on to the show -- most of the crowd drove because it was chilly, but I walked up to the theatre with a couple stout-hearted folks. The theatre was 90% full of the Queen's people who cheered and applauded when she walked in (gimme a break). The first film shown was very clever and well made. Then her film rolled and there were problems with projection and sound from the beginning. I honestly felt bad for her on this -- I know from experience it totally sucks when you KNOW the video/film is perfect and it's just the projection system or operator who is incompetent and blows your screening (happened all the time at R.I.T.).
But then, as the opening credits ran, the Queen and her people cheered for this one or that one, which is totally gauche and made me embarrased for her. The movie itself...well... the script was great (she'd written it) but the acting was awful and it was obvious that they cut some important scenes that should have been there. The editing felt like a commercial, not like a drama. The lighting was off in a few scenes, but really well-done in others, and the camera work was okay, but too much track work and not enough intimacy (it was a very emotional story, after all). All in all, a good time out for a first-time writer / director. But it didn't belong in the festival, and I can see why it was rejected.
Anyway, as to the Queen herself, she was very very (more than I would have thought) pleased that I was there and sent her flowers, etc. We are making arrangements to have coffee next week. As I have said before, I will do what needs to be done to keep the peace and try to avoid hurt feelings on both sides. I have my own opinion of her, and I know her place in my life. That's that. As long as thinks are copasetic and we have a place to live without someone biting my head off, I'm pleased enough.
So, a happy ending to all that. I feel as if the situation has cleared up considerably well.
And with that, I need to finish lunch so I can read before class.
Happy Cinqo de Mayo!!
I always made fun of how Paul Harvey said that line, with this huge pause. Anyway, after yesterday's post I must finish the story.
Let's see... well after I discovered that the show was sold out at the film fest, I called the Queen and left a message about it. She called back and said "no sweat, I got a couple extra tix so you're all set." I agreed to come to her party, after all it seemed fitting. I went with the little secret, the knowledge that the film had actually been rejected.
The lawn party at her place was full of townie supporters and those who worked on/in the movie. Queenie's husband had this totally ostentatious sign made for the premiere party and planted it on the front lawn. I managed to find a couple people I felt comfortable talking to. There was lot's of hob-nobbing and totally fake conversations about stuff that hardly matters. Bizarro keeps threatening to show me how to mingle with the rich and famous. As I explained to him last night, if I know I've something to gain I can mingle with the best of them. If I'm disinterested and totally unmoved and have nothing to gain, I prefer to find a place to perch and just people watch.
Anyway, on to the show -- most of the crowd drove because it was chilly, but I walked up to the theatre with a couple stout-hearted folks. The theatre was 90% full of the Queen's people who cheered and applauded when she walked in (gimme a break). The first film shown was very clever and well made. Then her film rolled and there were problems with projection and sound from the beginning. I honestly felt bad for her on this -- I know from experience it totally sucks when you KNOW the video/film is perfect and it's just the projection system or operator who is incompetent and blows your screening (happened all the time at R.I.T.).
But then, as the opening credits ran, the Queen and her people cheered for this one or that one, which is totally gauche and made me embarrased for her. The movie itself...well... the script was great (she'd written it) but the acting was awful and it was obvious that they cut some important scenes that should have been there. The editing felt like a commercial, not like a drama. The lighting was off in a few scenes, but really well-done in others, and the camera work was okay, but too much track work and not enough intimacy (it was a very emotional story, after all). All in all, a good time out for a first-time writer / director. But it didn't belong in the festival, and I can see why it was rejected.
Anyway, as to the Queen herself, she was very very (more than I would have thought) pleased that I was there and sent her flowers, etc. We are making arrangements to have coffee next week. As I have said before, I will do what needs to be done to keep the peace and try to avoid hurt feelings on both sides. I have my own opinion of her, and I know her place in my life. That's that. As long as thinks are copasetic and we have a place to live without someone biting my head off, I'm pleased enough.
So, a happy ending to all that. I feel as if the situation has cleared up considerably well.
And with that, I need to finish lunch so I can read before class.
Happy Cinqo de Mayo!!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Jumpin' Jeezus on a Pogo Stick!!
The last two days have felt like being on a pogo stick - up and down, up and down, ad nauseum.
Yesterday I had a smashingly awesome interview with UofR and it seems they would like to hire me to fulfill ESL and other Office of Special Programs needs. The director has asked me to come up with some ideas for what my new job could look like - since they are growing the ESL program I would have to start off doing some ESL teaching AND working with other programs. It's a fantastic opportunity - create my own job description, in essence. I'm very excited about the possibilities.
Which is a good thing because I came home to a rejection letter from the SUNY school yesterday. I wonder if my colleague here got that job. It's a good thing I had my interview the day I got that letter, or I would've been beside myself with angst. Still, it was a let down not being able to choose between two job offers. But I do believe that the UofR will be a better job for me because I'll be a "mover and a shaker" as they develop the ESL program and I'm there at the heart of it all.
Today hasn't gone as planned in any way shape or form. I woke up late and had to get dropped off instead of walking to campus. I took my Japanese students to a show at the film fest in town, thinking it would be a good listening exercise, and the theme of the show was "work" which is the theme of this week's unit in the book. The first two short films had no dialogue whatsoever, although they were interesting. The third film was in Spanish with English subtitles. *sigh*
After the show I went to the box office to buy a ticket for Queen Bee's "debut" tonight (the competition she strong-armed her way into). They were sold out. Smegging hell! That means if I wanted to go, I had to contact the Queen Bee to see if she had any tickets left for tonight -- after I declined her offer when she bought tickets for all of us lackeys who worked on her film. Moot point at any rate because when I checked my email she had written last night to everyone to say that she'd sold all the tickets she bought up, so we'd have to buy 'em at the box office.
So that means I'm not going to her show, which gives her one more point of argument that I'm a shitty friend etc. "after all she's done for me." At least I wired her some flowers for today -- not because I really care but because I'm trying to keep things smooth so we don't get another nasty phone call when she's PMSing, threatening to throw us out because I'm such an awful human being etc etc. etc.
Oh, and backtracking to Monday, the day I thought Bizarro could at last put this freaking screen door incident to bed, the fucking hillbillies at Lowe's told him they couldn't make a screen of that size, even though the last time he went they said "Yeah, I'm sure we could do that." So now we're back to square one. Next day off, he has to go to this other place in town, a local glass and window place, to see if they can't just fix the damn frame and re-screen it. I fucking hope so, else this is going to end up blowing up in my face and I'll have the Queen Bitch down my neck again.
I really am SO FUCKING OVER THIS. I hate living with this stupid walking on eggshells, ass-kissing bullshit just so we don't get our asses evicted. Fucking hell I hate Republicans.
If Bizarro were here, he'd adopt his Emperor voice and say "Yesss, give in to your anger...it will make you powerful!"
Om mani padme hum.
(pronounced "pay-may" not Luke and Leia's mother's name from Star Wars)
*sigh*
The bright side is that I can look forward to where we're going to move, a city in which I spent a good 15 years. In the words of Jack Horkheimer (sp?) "Keep looking up!"
The last two days have felt like being on a pogo stick - up and down, up and down, ad nauseum.
Yesterday I had a smashingly awesome interview with UofR and it seems they would like to hire me to fulfill ESL and other Office of Special Programs needs. The director has asked me to come up with some ideas for what my new job could look like - since they are growing the ESL program I would have to start off doing some ESL teaching AND working with other programs. It's a fantastic opportunity - create my own job description, in essence. I'm very excited about the possibilities.
Which is a good thing because I came home to a rejection letter from the SUNY school yesterday. I wonder if my colleague here got that job. It's a good thing I had my interview the day I got that letter, or I would've been beside myself with angst. Still, it was a let down not being able to choose between two job offers. But I do believe that the UofR will be a better job for me because I'll be a "mover and a shaker" as they develop the ESL program and I'm there at the heart of it all.
Today hasn't gone as planned in any way shape or form. I woke up late and had to get dropped off instead of walking to campus. I took my Japanese students to a show at the film fest in town, thinking it would be a good listening exercise, and the theme of the show was "work" which is the theme of this week's unit in the book. The first two short films had no dialogue whatsoever, although they were interesting. The third film was in Spanish with English subtitles. *sigh*
After the show I went to the box office to buy a ticket for Queen Bee's "debut" tonight (the competition she strong-armed her way into). They were sold out. Smegging hell! That means if I wanted to go, I had to contact the Queen Bee to see if she had any tickets left for tonight -- after I declined her offer when she bought tickets for all of us lackeys who worked on her film. Moot point at any rate because when I checked my email she had written last night to everyone to say that she'd sold all the tickets she bought up, so we'd have to buy 'em at the box office.
So that means I'm not going to her show, which gives her one more point of argument that I'm a shitty friend etc. "after all she's done for me." At least I wired her some flowers for today -- not because I really care but because I'm trying to keep things smooth so we don't get another nasty phone call when she's PMSing, threatening to throw us out because I'm such an awful human being etc etc. etc.
Oh, and backtracking to Monday, the day I thought Bizarro could at last put this freaking screen door incident to bed, the fucking hillbillies at Lowe's told him they couldn't make a screen of that size, even though the last time he went they said "Yeah, I'm sure we could do that." So now we're back to square one. Next day off, he has to go to this other place in town, a local glass and window place, to see if they can't just fix the damn frame and re-screen it. I fucking hope so, else this is going to end up blowing up in my face and I'll have the Queen Bitch down my neck again.
I really am SO FUCKING OVER THIS. I hate living with this stupid walking on eggshells, ass-kissing bullshit just so we don't get our asses evicted. Fucking hell I hate Republicans.
If Bizarro were here, he'd adopt his Emperor voice and say "Yesss, give in to your anger...it will make you powerful!"
Om mani padme hum.
(pronounced "pay-may" not Luke and Leia's mother's name from Star Wars)
*sigh*
The bright side is that I can look forward to where we're going to move, a city in which I spent a good 15 years. In the words of Jack Horkheimer (sp?) "Keep looking up!"
Monday, May 02, 2005
Sadako at her best
southparkSada_thumb
Originally uploaded by Pizcamele.
I found this awhile back and laughed my butt off. For any Ringu fans out there - as if anyone reads my blog anyway.
Exterrrrrrminate! Exterrrrrrrrrrminate!
The new Doctor Who series is kicking my butt all over the place. Bizarro downloads the epis every Sunday after they air on the BBC Sat. evening (EST). Our Sunday afternoon/night ritual is sitting down to a tasty new episode of the Doctor's adventures. I've recently become a big DW fan, thanks to Bizarro's painstaking taping of the episodes when they were run on PBS 20 years ago. So far my favorite incarnation is the Fifth Doctor (Peter Davison), closely followed by the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee). Tom Baker is fun but not very deep. Anyway, now I've another notch in my belt of Sci Fi Geekery. Woo Hoo!
In other news, I have a phone interview with a university in New York tomorrow afternoon. They want to "develop their ESL program" and want to talk about "ideas." Hopefully all that will lead to a job. Still waiting on the SUNY .... I've about forgotten about them by now. My advistor suggested they are waiting to see what funding comes through for a new position - this might be the hold up since they have basically stalled the process.
Yesterday was very eventful. I was sitting on the couch (watching a Peter Davison episode of Dr. Who) and I heard crunch-riiiippp-squeal. I jumped up to see a truck pulling away from a car, the side mirror of said car about 15 feet in front of it, the truck scraping along the concrete wall and finally parking. I watched as two guys got out of the truck and ducked into the house across the street without even inspecting the damage they'd just done. I waited about 15 minutes to see if they'd come out with a note or something, but they didn't. I went downstairs to deliver the rent check and told the Batty Old Land Lady (who I shall rename The Land Lady because she has proven herself worthy), and told her all about it. She said I should call the cops, which is what I wanted to do anyway. So I did, the cops came, and turns out the one driving the truck was 16 years old - they arrested him and led him in cuffs! I kinda felt bad, but honestly, if it were MY car that had been hit I'd want the responsible parties to be held accountable.
So last night when Bizarro was at Landru's I wanted to fall asleep but was afraid to turn off the light thinking they misreants across the street would hurl bricks at the windows.
The last piece of exciting news from yesterday is that the Land Lady has offered to pay half of the screen door replacement. She felt bad when I told her the estimate was $200. I tried to say "no" but she insisted and said "Well it was an old door." Goddam right it was an old door! An old door put in backwards and upside down! So anyway, Bizarro is taking care of that today, and not a moment too soon. I'll feel so much better when that thing is taken care of.
The big decision I must make for this week is how to handle the Queen Bee and her little screening at the film festival (the one she screamed and kicked her way into). If I don't go at all there'll be hell to pay. I really want to go and see the flick, that's not the issue. But if i don't go to her little pre-screening party she'll see it as a brush off (even though I emailed her last week to say I probably wouldn't make it because I have a presentation on Thursday etc.). She's never seemed to understand that school work comes first and that this place keeps me insanely busy all hours of the day and night (except when I'm watching Dr. Who on Sunday afternoon). At this point, I'm leaning toward blowing off the party and just going to the show (which I also said I'd pay for myself with my student discount). I mean REALLY does she expect that I'm going to accept her hospitality after she bitched me out, called me a shitty friend, and threatened to evict me? What the fuck???
Well it's high time I get some work done today. Here's to Week 6 of the quarter!
The new Doctor Who series is kicking my butt all over the place. Bizarro downloads the epis every Sunday after they air on the BBC Sat. evening (EST). Our Sunday afternoon/night ritual is sitting down to a tasty new episode of the Doctor's adventures. I've recently become a big DW fan, thanks to Bizarro's painstaking taping of the episodes when they were run on PBS 20 years ago. So far my favorite incarnation is the Fifth Doctor (Peter Davison), closely followed by the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee). Tom Baker is fun but not very deep. Anyway, now I've another notch in my belt of Sci Fi Geekery. Woo Hoo!
In other news, I have a phone interview with a university in New York tomorrow afternoon. They want to "develop their ESL program" and want to talk about "ideas." Hopefully all that will lead to a job. Still waiting on the SUNY .... I've about forgotten about them by now. My advistor suggested they are waiting to see what funding comes through for a new position - this might be the hold up since they have basically stalled the process.
Yesterday was very eventful. I was sitting on the couch (watching a Peter Davison episode of Dr. Who) and I heard crunch-riiiippp-squeal. I jumped up to see a truck pulling away from a car, the side mirror of said car about 15 feet in front of it, the truck scraping along the concrete wall and finally parking. I watched as two guys got out of the truck and ducked into the house across the street without even inspecting the damage they'd just done. I waited about 15 minutes to see if they'd come out with a note or something, but they didn't. I went downstairs to deliver the rent check and told the Batty Old Land Lady (who I shall rename The Land Lady because she has proven herself worthy), and told her all about it. She said I should call the cops, which is what I wanted to do anyway. So I did, the cops came, and turns out the one driving the truck was 16 years old - they arrested him and led him in cuffs! I kinda felt bad, but honestly, if it were MY car that had been hit I'd want the responsible parties to be held accountable.
So last night when Bizarro was at Landru's I wanted to fall asleep but was afraid to turn off the light thinking they misreants across the street would hurl bricks at the windows.
The last piece of exciting news from yesterday is that the Land Lady has offered to pay half of the screen door replacement. She felt bad when I told her the estimate was $200. I tried to say "no" but she insisted and said "Well it was an old door." Goddam right it was an old door! An old door put in backwards and upside down! So anyway, Bizarro is taking care of that today, and not a moment too soon. I'll feel so much better when that thing is taken care of.
The big decision I must make for this week is how to handle the Queen Bee and her little screening at the film festival (the one she screamed and kicked her way into). If I don't go at all there'll be hell to pay. I really want to go and see the flick, that's not the issue. But if i don't go to her little pre-screening party she'll see it as a brush off (even though I emailed her last week to say I probably wouldn't make it because I have a presentation on Thursday etc.). She's never seemed to understand that school work comes first and that this place keeps me insanely busy all hours of the day and night (except when I'm watching Dr. Who on Sunday afternoon). At this point, I'm leaning toward blowing off the party and just going to the show (which I also said I'd pay for myself with my student discount). I mean REALLY does she expect that I'm going to accept her hospitality after she bitched me out, called me a shitty friend, and threatened to evict me? What the fuck???
Well it's high time I get some work done today. Here's to Week 6 of the quarter!
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