aaaand we're back

Semester nearly wrecked me. Just have grades to turn in and one more frakking "retreat" to attend, then it will be over. I've already begun working on summer projects, including prep for teaching at Hanyang University in Korea. Oh yeah, I spent hours last night and this morning searching for my passport, which I found in the same box I'd looked in four times, at least. I finally had the bright idea of lifting the see-through plastic box and looking through the bottom, and there it was, buried in all the crap I'd thrown in over the last 3 years.

And now this:


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I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today. I don't know if it's actual cold or simply exhaustion. Yesterday threw me for a loop. I was supposed to go to a retreat for work that was supposed to end at 1:00. My coworkers decided it should go until "whenever" but neglected to tell me this, so at 1:00 I was pumped to jump in my car and head back to civilization. We'd had our meeting at someone's lovely country house but godDAMN people, how do you live in the middle of BFE? I don't understand how you even get out of your f'ing driveway in winter! Anyway, imagine my embarrassed fury when I was informed that the others were heading back to campus to "finish" our retreat. WTF? No one bothered to apologize, but someone did have the presence of mind to admit "This is the worst-planned retreat, ever." Yeah. Something like that. All that is to say that what I'd planned for the rest of the day was thrown out the window, and I arrived home after 4:00 feeling like a piece of over-cooked spaghetti. I have a feeling that that, coupled with the extensive rip-apart-my-apartment search for the passport, has left me feeling less-than today.

Which is really inconvenient since tomorrow I am going to be time-keeping in the penalty box for the local roller derby league's bout. It's my debut, and I'm pissed that I am not feeling well. I can only hope and pray that all the remedies I've shoved down my pie-hole all day and a good night's sleep will mend me for tomorrow.

Will let you all know how it goes.

The Summer of 2009

Well ladies and germs, the summer is rapidly closing. Another week and 2 days and it's back in the classroom. I have a full teaching load this semester: 2 sections of intro to screenwriting at the Other School On the Hill, and one section of English 99 (developmental writing at the paragraph level) at the community college. For these gigs I am grateful. Now I'm trying to cram as much summer into the coming week and 2 days as possible. Summer weather is finally here, so swimming and patio grilling are required activities (though there are t'storms coming but whatever, as long as it's hot).

As you know, this was not the summer I'd planned. I ended up not teaching at all, and instead worked as a transcriptionist, tutor, and house keeper for the Catlic' Chorch, scrubbing the priests' terlets and washing their undies. (My sister-in-law asked whether the skid marks in a priest's undies are in the form of a crucifix. This is why I love my sister-in-law.)

So, no, not what I'd expected but the truth is that in true form, the Universe provided just what I needed. In fact our money was very tight this summer, but it forced us to be more mindful of our spending, and helped us to come together for the betterment of our household. Tracking expenses and keeping more in tune with our financial situation has been good for us both, and for our marriage.

The work I did at the rectory was actually quite easy, and since I was alone and autonomous, I had plenty of opportunity to manage my time as I saw fit, and I believe that the physical nature of the work was good for me. I tend to get stuck up here (points to head) and that's not always a good thing.

The transcription work was just fine, and it might even be useful in the future to say that I am familiar with chemical notations (who knows what kind of technical writing I might fall into at some point).

The tutoring is always fun and keeps me on the ESL map for my C.V.

Aside from my work, I had plenty of time for writing, and I was, I must say, rather prolific. I am just about finished with Sentinel, have started a new project, and most thrilling of all, I met a producer/filmmaker from L.A. who is producing a short script of mine, and who has connections that could really help me out.

I didn't get to go windsurfing, but I did spend a day at the Nor'easter Surf Shop in Scituate, Mass. and took excellent notes for my surf-related T.V. pilot. I also made a great connection for surfing lessons when I am able to give that a whirl. And the surfing season isn't over in September, so there's still a chance I could get a long weekend in and get a surfing lesson! (I'm talking surfing, not windsurfing, to be clear on that.)

Despite our financial hardship, I found a way with the help of friends to attend the Live Adventure this year (the annual live action role playing weekend I've been part of since 1991). That was a magical, wonderful, fun (if hotter than hell) weekend of beloved friends, creative imagination, camping, and music. I am so grateful!

This summer gave me ample time and opportunity to work through my grief, and I managed two trips to Massachusetts, one with Bizarro in tow, which has been extremely beneficial in my healing process. I was able to spend some QT with my beloved nephew and his family, my Big Bro, PMP, JET, Rachee and a couple other people I've known and loved for years. This recent trip was exceptionally fun with Bizarro - our day in Boston was delightful, especially hanging out with PMP who took us for fabulous cannoli in the North End. I also got to play in the waves at Nantasket, despite the drizzle. Oh how I miss the ocean!

I feel like I'm starting to finally come out of the darkness that was last winter, just before, during and after Mom's death. I am feeling more alive than ever; I can feel the possibilities of life, the energy of creation, and the wealth that is mine in so many ways. In the parlance of Live Adventure folk: Game on!

This Summer's Drink

Mango Daquiri

Courtesy of The Swank Pad.

In Memorium

Today's about catching up the last week lost to The Sickness. Housework, laundry, and also getting a reading picked out for Mom's interment this Friday. Big Bro and his Wiffen are arriving on Wednesday, so I want the place to be ready for them. Peege and Beck are here Thursday, staying in a hotel. I am really looking forward to having my family around me again.

And of course I'm chomping at the bit to get to Mass. We've decided not to waste over $700 on an eleven-year-old car that keeps cropping up new problems. If I get this job I'm waiting for, I will purchase a good pre-owned car and leave this one to Bizarro for in-town driving. It is more economical to rent a used car via the place we've done before and have a safe, solid car to drive out in. I had thought to ride with Peege and family and rent a wreck when I got to Mass, but I need the alone time that driving can offer me. Road-tripping with my bad self.

I am ready for adventure, new sights, new experiences, new thoughts, new feelings, new insights. Let the Games begin!

I have arranged to spend some time at a surf shop in Scituate to do some research for the TV pilot I'm still working up. Gotta get some real-life people to inspire this thing. Also going to take a stab at writing a rom com this summer, which is way out of my comfort zone, but I need to change things up from the artsy/fantasy stuff for a bit. My manager friend says my idea so far is pretty conventional, so I need to spice it up. And you know in rom com spice often = raunch. Not so sure how well I can write raunch. I'll get back to you on that.

Bacchus get your ass down here now!

I just finished grading my last student portfolio for class tonight. And then I cleaned out my desk and took my stuff down off the wall here. It's weird knowing I may not be back. I have a 2nd, in person interview at the community college in a couple weeks so I may be working someplace else come September. How strange that would be, after 3 years here.

I am anxious for summer to get underway. I still have grades to turn in and a small stack of short scripts to grade for the community college. So by next Wednesday I will be completely and totally done with everything for the year. Let the bacchanalian orgy begin!

An off-beat day. Not sure why. Looking forward to Yoga tonight, then I really must go grocery shopping so there's something to eat around here.

I've been trying to get a vacation organized and haven't been able to decide where to stay. North Shore or South Shore? Quantity or quality? What do I want to get out of my time? Money is of course tight, especially since I worked out how little I will actually be getting paid for the summer course I'm teaching. I may well have to do some tutoring on the side to pay for my trip, which is also fine.

I've thought about going with Priceline.com to book a hotel, but I'm afraid of this kind of thing happening:


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Sunny

Today was sunny inside and out. Had a lovely time at the farmers market this morning, got a new pair of casual sandals, tasted wedding cake with PMP, then went on a walk in one of the many gorges in this part of the state (also with PMP). Now watching the Red Sox beating the Yankees (13-11 bottom of the 8th). I plan to get some frozen yogurt when the game's done and watch "Rushmore" later.

Last night saw "Wristcutters," which is a brilliant dark romantic comedy. My goal is to watch more films this summer, in theatres and on DVD. This is to feed my own writing, as well as to inform my teaching.

My manager friend in LA is interested in representing me with a couple more saleable scripts under my belt. I gotta get a romantic comedy and something thriller-ish to add to the sci fi. Then I can get out to LA for meetings when the time comes. I'm really pumped!

Things are starting to feel like they're coming together. My phone interview with the community college went pretty well yesterday, I think. I know that even if don't get that job, I have a new in-road into the English department there, and there looks to be possibility of a screenwriting class where I teach now, so I'm not too worried.

I still have some personal things to work out for myself, though, and I'm planning on taking some time at the beginning of June while I'm in Mass for a change of scenery and a chance to do some soul-searching. As soon as the semester is over I'm doing a complete cleanse and detox program. Oh, and also I am happy to say my exercise regime (PMP!) is going well. It's all about taking care of myself, and getting back that which I lost over the last year or two (mental, physical, emotional health).

Boston is now up 16-11 bottom of the 8th!

Summer Lovin'

I've landed a summer teaching gig at the community college next door to City on the Edge of Forever. It's a great schedule (MWF 10:30 - 12:30) and runs June 15 - Aug 7. It's not Boston, but I wasn't getting any real solid leads in Boston, and this was a job offer that I feel good about. I'm so glad I held out for a better situation than the first job offer from them for the summer (the one that started earlier in June and would have me in the classroom 5 days a week.) This way I can make some money, teach academic writing, and still have time and energy to make my film and write my scripts.

I will take a vacation to Boston in early June (just after my Mass peeps are here for the burial of the cremains), and may also head back out there in August for surfing lessons at Nantasket.

Feeling a lot less stressed out right now. Money will still be tight for a few weeks but I'm used to that in summer. The only thing that that will really suck is owing the Feds taxes (grrrrrr). Hopefully I can make an arrangement that won't involve signing my name in blood, donating my ears, or bashing anyone's knees in with a lead pipe a la Tanya Harding.

A plan emerges...

I am focused on finding summer work away from the Central NY area. I need the time away to process and focus. A few slender tendrils of hope for part time teaching work here at home for Fall Semester are starting to form. I can't do anything about that right now, so I'm focusing on finding a summer job teaching at an ESL program or even a camp for writing or ESL. Preferably in California, and I'm even looking in Hawaii just to be crazy. I am also looking in Massachusetts, since that's sort of my reset button. It is, you know, where it all began.

'Tween Time

Bizarro and I have returned from a wonderful weekend at the Live Adventure. It was a magical weekend, though we could have done without the nasty thunderstorm Friday night. Picture: 15 or so tents in a field, on the side of a mountain, in a severe electrical storm that lasts 3 hours, in the middle of the night. I don't think I've ever been so scared for such an extended period of time. I could imagine (but tried not to) the lightning arcing down and frying our tent and us in it. ZOT! Either that or the wind would lift the rain fly up and away and we'd have been utterly exposed to the downpour. This was our new tent, mind you, so it had been unproven. Well, it has proven its worth to us now! If it could withstand that with only a tiny bit of moisture on the inside, it is worth every penny we paid. Not only is it big, it stands up in a gale. Yesterday morning we looked at each other and said, "If we'd been in the old tent, we'd either have blown away or been flooded."

Also of note - Friday morning was my last class with the summer program; my students are at this time now safely in their homes back in China. It was an unforgettable class, and I would be lucky to get another group as lively, intelligent, hard-working and fun as they were, if I do teach there next summer (I have been asked back...a wonderful thing... but I need to figure out my future).

And so... tomorrow I have something I haven't experienced in many weeks: a day to myself.

Tuesday I start back up at the chorch, which will seem like child's play. Imagine not having to start work until 9:00 a.m., and then leaving at 4:00 without a shred of work to do at home. Sounds like paradise.

ADDENDUM: I did not dance at Bardic Circle - my ankle wasn't terribly pleased with all the hiking up and down the mountain in rugged terrain, plus the site for the Circle was very uneven and it would have been folly for me to try to dance. It's okay; I will dance at our friends' Halloween party this fall (with many of the same people present), and of course there is always next year.

Catching my breath

Mom was in the hospital for 11 days and was finally released on Thursday. We went to visit her today; she wasn't doing too well - her blood pressure was really low - but we got hold of a doctor on call and he said it was likely from the aggressive dialysis they did yesterday, and that they'd probably overdone it a bit. He said unless it goes below 80, it should correct itself, and she should tell the dialysis crew on Monday when she goes in again.

Worse than that, she'd reverted to her horrible eating habits after getting 3 squares a day in the hospital. By 2:30 this afternoon all she'd eaten was toast, juice and some coffee. I made her a roast beef sammich, heated up some carrots I'd cooked with a roast the other night, and gave her half a can of Boost with some milk, along with a stern talking to about the necessity of eating, even if she doesn't feel particularly hungry. And she wonders why her albumen levels have been consistently low for months! She's not eating protein at every meal. Breakfast for her is either toast (carbs) or cereal (carbs) and then she doesn't eat anything for hours. For lunch she's apt to have cottage cheese and some salad. By the time dinner comes she's ready for a full meal, but with that kind of diet, she's missed most of the day's requirements.

I had felt a spate of relief after she came home from the hospital, but after today, I felt my own anxiety levels shoot through the roof. I'm trying to keep up with everything and finding it rather trying because underneath all the work for the summer program, underneath my own concerns about my professional future, money, student loans, and Bizarro's academic and professional future, there lies a constant, thrumming anxiety about my mom. Is she okay, is she taking care of herself, is she getting what she needs, is she safe, etc. etc. etc.

Still trying to find a good option for assisted living, and I have narrowed it down to two places that are local and quasi-local, respectively. Still have shitloads of paper work to do for the VA so she gets veteran's widow benefits, but the good news is all we have to do for the power of attourney thing is get the form notarized. I already am the health proxy, so that's in place at least.

My Bro is taking care of another legal matter involving a piece of almost-worthless land that mom and dad held for decades, and which mom has signed over to my Bro to sell off to the highest bidder (one of the nearby commercial chains who will hopefully want it).

All I can say is if I don't have a kid of my own we are definitely adopting because I can't imagine being her age in her condition without a kid to help me out.

It's now Saturday night and I am winding down at my desk with some stuff I've been meaning to get to for myself (rather than work or mom stuff) and a glass of wine.

In two weeks is the live action role playing extravaganza that I am really looking forward to. It coincides with the end of the summer program, so it feels rather like a light at the end of the tunnel. I always enjoy prepping for these things (this is my 15th year in attendance). More on all that later.

PMP - I know you're going through a rough time too. We now have a patio table (courtesy of mom) and I look forward to sitting out there with you in late summer, lighting the red lamp, drinking our wine and figuring out our lives together.

SMJ - is in TURKEY right now, the lucky sunnovagun! I am really happy for her and her hubby. They've had a bit of a rough time here in Nowhere, Central NY but hubby finally got his tenure approved, so now they can start making plans. I am happy that they have this chance to spend time with his family in Turkey and get away from the doldrums here.

Happy Fourth (or, SUCK IT YANKEES!)

Two weeks down, four to go. So far I am well-pleased. My boss is great about recognizing the teachers' abilities and responsibility to tailor the workload to our students. This year we have a lot of 16-year olds (just out of sophomore year of HS) who are really struggling with all the academic vocab that is being thrown at them. I have mostly 16-year olds, as do a couple of the other teachers, so I have had to amend parts of the schedule. It's nice to know my professional judgment and expertise are appreciated and trusted.

Also nice to know - I have a teaching gig for the fall semester! The screenwriting program at the Other School on the Hill needs me, and I have heeded the call. I'll be teaching advanced screenwriting, as opposed to the intro class I've taught for them before. This will be fun - all or most of the students are screenwriting concentrations, and they will work on one project all semester. I am grateful for the opportunity and look forward to getting myself back in the fold.

I've been trying to work on the script for the Korea doco. It's hard. Hm... I'm starting to lose focus and wonder what it is I'm trying to say... I re-read some of my journal entries from that year and it's uncomfortable to remember some of the shit I went through, personally and professionally. I actually endured a lot of hard times, and if I've realized anything, it's that my memory sure has romanticized a lot of that year. I remember all the good stuff, not the shitty stuff. I suppose that's a good thing - but at the same time, will my film be honest without the dark stuff?

Tomorrow we're both getting massages, then I have to get some work done for school. Going to MZ's on Sunday.

And can I just say that I don't know how to feel about the new X-Files movie. Bizarro says with copious levels of scorn, "In this day and age, who gives a shit?" But there's a part of me that wants to see it... I suppose that's what they're counting on. Sentimental schmucks like me who can't get enough UFO-conspiracy theory and will they/won't they?

Oh, and for the record, Coco Crisp DID catch that ball in the 9th inning and Jeter should have been out. Red Sox should have won 6-3, not 6-4.

Birdland

I'm listening to "Weather Report's" landmark album "Heavy Weather," the title track of which is the famous (among some circles) "Birdland."

Hearing this song sends me flashbacks to Bristol Hills Music Camp, where the jazz band often played this song under the baton of Mr. Ventura, who has since passed away (a great loss; what a fine music teacher he was).

Today was the first day of actual classes, and I remain excited about the coming weeks, though a little apprehensive about the intense schedule. I think I need to up my Vits. C and B!

Summer Solstice

This weekend marks the Summer Solstice, which means it's officially summer. Which makes no sense, since the days are now getting shorter. It seems counter-intuitive, don't you think? Despite the warm temps and summer holidays to come, we're actually in the 2nd half of the year when the days become shorter - the waning cycle. Which is odd, 'cause it's also the growing season, with juicy corn on the cob and fresh fruits for the next couple of months, leading to the harvest in late summer.

It's all very confusing. Once the Fall Equinox rolls around, I'm on square footing again, because at least everything makes sense: the days will continue to get shorter, AND the nights will be longer than the days. That of course drives into winter - and on Winter Solstice again the days start to become longer on their journey back to Summer Solstice. Except that in January and February, with the days getting longer, it's cold as ballz, the sun never shines, and I want to shrivel up under the bed until May Day, because of course the Spring Equinox means absolutely NOTHING in Upstate NY. On May 1st, I come crawling out, skin so white it's translucent, and hunt round for my sun glasses because my pupils are the size of electrons.

And that's my wrap-up of the pagan calendar year. Happy Summer Solstice, everyone!

Week 1 Preview

Thus begins the count-down for the 6-week summer college ESL program I will be eating, living, breathing, cursing, crying in the coming month.

Last week we had our initial faculty meeting, which was more of a free-for-all, and classes start tomorrow. But I'm not worried. Why? Because this is typical for summer programs. Absolute pandemonium. By the end of the first week, we'll have ourselves sorted out and on our merry way. I'm not worried, not even in the least. Which is odd. I guess that means I've done this kind of thing long enough to know what's what.

I've already dragged out my summer teaching wardrobe out of the closet (thank gawd it all still fits me, thanks to skirts that are very forgiving of thighs). The ironing board is set up with the must-iron set, but of course I have my perm-press skirts waiting for those mornings I just can't drag myself out of bed 10-minutes early (and/or don't get to ironing the night before).

Now that I have my 6-week overview and my first week sketched out, and a bunch of questions emailed to the director that I will have answers to at least by end of day tomorrow, I feel pretty good.

So good that I will allow myself to go get ice cream tonight with Bizarro. What better way to start Week !?

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Does anybody really care?

It's 5:17 no 5:18 as I start this post. In the a.m. that is. I woke up an hour ago and couldn't get back to sleep. WAAAAY too much caffeine yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon I attended our first meeting for the summer program I'm teaching in, which starts up on Monday. It was a typical end-of-the-summer-is-vacation-really-over? kind of meeting, but the good news is that I think I will like teaching for this group. The Boss Lady is very funny, although a bit scattered, and the other teachers seem like interesting, cool people. One of them teaches at the Other School on the Hill in the same department I taught in this past spring. She teaches the ESL section there, which is what I'd like to teach, but since she was the trailing spouse of a tenure track prof, I have no hope to ever get in on that action.

I will say this, though - if I hear one more teacher in this bloody town tell his or her story about how they "just fell into" their present, cushy, life-long job, I am going to box someone's ears. It's really getting old and I'd like to know why I don't just "fall into" some awesome job teaching writing or ESL and never have to worry about money or stability ever again!

Aside from that fleeting moment of negativity, well and a few others involving parking permits, I-9 forms and I.D.s, yesterday went well enough and I am looking forward to teaching this summer. My class will comprise 8 students, mostly Chinese, all in high school. How much fun! (remember I said that in 3 weeks when I'm tearing my hair out and condemning Chinese teenagers to the lower depths of Lake Ontario).

Sun in my eyes

...is preferable to rain clouds and cold damp.

Thankfully, this weekend has been beautiful, and I am enjoying my respite at home. Yesterday I performed "nesting" activities such as: putting new wheel covers on my car, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, and clearing off the patio. Also did general clean up, finished my latest Space: 1999 read (review coming soon), watched a really awful movie on Sci Fi Channel (Russel Mulcahy's Tale of the Mummy starring Jason Scott Lee, Christopher Lee, and a bunch of other people who should've known better than to be in this craptastic movie), and grilled out burgers on the hibachi. Also went to the Farmers Market and bought a cool hand-made silver hair barette, then went to Staples and printed off the latest draft of my own 1999 novella. Also talked to my nephew and made our plans to hang out for the coming week (yay!).

Today I will put away the clean laundry, pack my stuff and the car for my trip tomorrow, and run through my afore-mentioned novella with a fine-toothed comb.

Today happens to be graduation for the big school on the hill, which means I'm not going anywhere near downtown or campus. If anything, we might pop over to the Borders cafe later for a browse and a hot beverage, but that's it.

I am looking forward to my visit to Massachussetts, of course. I'm trying to decide which writing projects to bring with me. This morning it hit me that I should bring my notes for the Korea film to start penning a proper script (which will be very helpful before I'm logging footage and editing when I get back). Plus it will help me feel less guilty about taking a week off when I have a film to make. I may give the 1999 story a rest (which is good to do going into a final draft, IMO), and work on the first draft of "Beauty Is..." (the young adult mystery set in the '50s). That's been calling to me for a couple weeks, so I think it's time.

And now it's time to make breakfast, which on Sunday morning comprises pancakes, eggs and sausage (for Bizarro).

May Day

It is the first of May and I am still procrastinating with all the grading I have to do. It's getting done, just at a much slower pace than I'd like. I can only grade 3-4 at a time, then I have to take a break, which is what I'm doing now.

I have been in a substantially better mood since the weekend. Nothing's changed in my situation - just my attitude. And attitude is everything as they say.

I'm just focussed on getting through the next week of grading nightmares.

Sadly, my Korean tutor is going back to her country next Thursday, so I'm having my last lesson with her on Monday. It is good for her to be going back, but I will miss our lessons and our little chats.

I have a couple back-up plans sketched for summer, but I am still holding out hope that the college I interviewed with last week will take me on for their first summer session. That would set me at ease going into summer. But I'm all about contingency plans.

Not much else to report, except that PMP has her own blog now. I'll add it to my links at right. She's a PhD candidate and all I can say is that there is no way I'd ever go back to school for a PhD. I have no tolerance for that kind of stress. All the more reason why I admire her academic prowess and vision. Go PMP!

Grumpus Maximus

I suppose I really shouldn't be a Grumpus today, but I haven't been feeling well all week and it's definitely catching up with me. I am behind in my grading and my housework, and I haven't written anything in days.

Today I had one 'o dem dere exploratory interviews. One of the colleges might need me to teach ESL in summer, but I'm doubtful the scheduling will work out. In any case, it's good to be on their books for future gigs. Meantime, I got an email from another place wanting me to teach ESL writing this summer - but again I've a feeling that scheduling will prevent it.

I really really want to make this film in Korea and I think this summer is my last chance. But it seems to be interfering with all kinds of other opportunities. It's driving me mad, quite honestly. I've signed up with a couple temp agencies to get some work in for the first part of summer, too. I don't care what I do for a month, as long as I can pay the bills.

I'm sure this is part of what is keep me down physically. We all know how susceptible I can be to pressures that go on for weeks at a time.

Damn, I REALLY have to go grade papers.