Story of my life...

A List (not "A" list but an list)

1. It's fucking cold outside.
2. I ate a ham sandwich for lunch and it was tastee.
3. It sucks being an adjunct and not knowing how or where I will make a living after May.
4. I had to put the space heater on at my desk (see #1).
5. Grape scented Yankee Candle is the only thing that masks the smell of ass-smoke from next door.
6. L.A. is not fucking cold.
7. Self-help books are, generally speaking, boring as shit and I hate the anecdotes of other people that have no bearing on my life or my situation. It pisses me off.
8. It's almost time for a nap.
9. I miss my Mom.
10. "This sounds like every other kind of shit. As opposed to magic and dreams." -- Tom Baker outtakes for Symphony Furniture Stores.

How do I make shit work?

Resurfacing.
The lake is green today.
Now I'm remembering
how it makes me feel.
To connect
To feel the waves touching sky and earth.
Wind making energy making waves
traveling growing faster powerful
creating motion
creating sound against itself, rocks, sand, boats, swimmers, life.

Sun and water ions
Together again.
Wind keeping things real.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

...are no more. Pokemon and Sponge Bob, Bratz ("They'll give you a blow job, then cut you." - Bizarro) and Cusco (they conveniently don't show the Spanish conquistadors spreading disease and severed heads).

What happened to Bugs Bunny and Road Runner, the Herculoids, hell even G.I. Joe? Sid and Marty Kroft: Sigmund the Sea Monster, Land of the Lost, H.R. Pufnstuff, The Banana Splits.

The best you can hope for these days are old "Zorro" Republic Serials from 1939.

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Another step forward

My manager friend in LA likes the log line of my sci fi script and says "I would read that!" so I'm gonna send the script this evening after I finish last-minute nips and tucks. Too bad I have to teach today!

A Day

"Today was an asshole" was my tagline this evening, until things started looking up. My manager friend in LA is interested in seeing my sci fi script. This is EXACTLY what I needed. Movement...

Please!

Please if you leave comments do NOT mention real places and institutions. I work to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. I had to delete the entire post because there's no fucking way to delete just the one comment because this account isn't on Google. So I'm annoyed.

I'll get over it though. Just please - anonymity from now on!

Vernal Equinox

Spring is imminent. In one hour and 15 minutes it will be nigh. Say helloo to the Faeries.

Finished all grading before the deadline. I strangled the grading I did.

Listening to Tori Amos. Yeah, I'm in one of those moods.

Nose, fingertips, toes intact

I had to take Flexeril today. Neck/upper back spasm like I used to have. Felt it coming on yesterday. Ugh. So an entire day wasted. I feel like poo.

I have mondo grading tomorrow.

Now that it's nice enough to open the patio door, Mr. Butts next door's cigarette smoke is sifting into my living room. Seems I'm either freezing cold in here or I'm living in my neighbor's ashtray.

Nice.

Scomin' Up

(like a flower...)

Spring is only a couple days away. It feels so good to say it! I've worn sandals this week. My toes look up to the sun and yelp for joy. Soon my skin will no longer be translucent white! I will not look like a derned vampyr what with my jagged eye teeth and my see-through skin and clammy-cold texture.

I have started to think about where else I'd like to live, if I do have to go elsewhere for a job. San Diego keeps coming to mind #1. It just keeps coming up in conversation and in random places, and it's been in my head for awhile. Boston is cool but very expensive. It's the only place I would consider living in the Northeast at this point.

In any case, if I need to go, I am going to a place with a shoreline. As in with an ocean, not some namby-pamby fresh water slime-bottomed lake. [Addendum: What is with you, lakes? You think you're so cool with your wineries and your chataus-on-the-you and your rowing teams splashing around. Really. You are SLIMY. That truth cannot be dismissed, ignored or excused. You have no oysters, no shrimp, no dolphins. You are NOT an ocean and therefore you are less-than. There. I said it.]

Also, I had to yell at my students yesterday. Not all of them deserved it but then again it's always good to answer the question "why do I write." It's a reminder of what part of you enjoys the torture. And I told those who couldn't answer the question with anything more than "it's cool, I'll get laid, maybe I can move to Hollywood" they probably are in the wrong business.

Then I went out drinking afterwards. Met SMJ and Kyle after picking up Bizarro (who actually WENT OUT on a week night). It was great craic as the Irish say.

Writing Retreat - Day 6 and Epilogue

Yesterday was a fine day at the retreat colony. I did more reading than writing, which was perfect because I had set up a reading nook my first day but hadn't used it all week. I did some revisions on the sci fi; got about about a third of the way through that and want to finish by end of this week. I took my time cleaning up and packing. When Bizarro arrived around 7 to pick me up I'd seen the deer on their evening munchies and was ready to go home.

Today I eased back to life as a teacher and spent 5 hours in my office at school with my students' mid-term portfolios. I'm kinda pissed at a few of them for being such slackers. I'm going to have to go off like an atom bomb in Tuesday's classes. The Irish-Italian Banshee teacher will make an appearance.

Over all feeling pretty upbeat about stuff, despite all the potentially-scary limbo of my career. Maybe I'm getting used to it, or maybe there's something afoot for me and I know better than to freak out.

Congrats to B. for getting a job so soon after the other one tanked. I hope it goes well for you!

Special thanks to SMJ for reading my screenplay today (at work) and "getting it." It's always nice to know that what's in my head can work on the page!

PMP - we have some serious PMP-E time to catch up on when you return from HAH-VID.

Writing Retreat - Day 5b

Feels like I just ran a marathon. I finished up the '50s mystery and sent it off to my manager friend, along with a log line. I wrote two log lines today and picked the one that seemed to make the most sense. So this is where the real shit hits the fan. I have the rest of tonight and tomorrow here at the studio. Wanna get revision of my sci fi done and maybe even send that to him by end of day Sunday. I am facing a huge mound of grading starting Sunday that I have ignored for a week so that I could work on my projects. Yes this will be a busy week. But not quite yet... it's still retreat!

Saw 7 deer munching out in the "yard" at sunset tonight. I love this place.

Writing Retreat - Day 5a

Arrived around 9:30 and when I opened the door to my studio, there was a ginormous turkey vulture perched on the patio railing outside. The sound and motion of the door opening inside must have startled him - he stretched out his wings, prepared to take off if necessary. And so we both stood there. Him with his full 5-feet wingspan like some kind of Mothman, me motionless with all my stuff in my hands so I wouldn't disturb the moment. He finally tucked his wings back under, but when I took a step into the room he flew off. An auspicious start to the day, especially on Friday the 13th. He and his mate hang out in the trees by the pond. Damn but they are huge.

No apricot croissant this morning; I went to Tops this morning to pick up a few things and just got a regular croissant at their bakery (disappointing). Coffee courtesy of Tim Horton's. Meh.

But it's all good because I am ready to go go go.

A sad ending to an era that some would call even sadder.

Muzak files for bankruptcy.

I found this like at Weirdomusic.com. Check it out and get your space age bachelor pad groove on.

Writing Retreat - Day 4b

So far a tremendously productive day, despite the snow. I've decided for the rest of my time here I'm going to focus on these two screenplays, and put the TV pilot and the film aside. I have 2.5 days left, roughly, and my goal now is to get them both polished enough to send to my manager friend in L.A. Hopefully he won't send them back and tell me to get a job as a bank teller.

Writing Retreat - Days 3 & 4a

Yesterday wasn't terribly productive. I taught in the morning and then got the news about possibly not having a summer teaching gig. That threw me into a temporary tail spin for a couple hours - looking for jobs online, going for a walk, freaking out, and finally coming up with a couple possible back-up plans that include the community college and even teaching in Korea for the summer.

Then I got down to business and worked on the TV pilot for the rest of the day/evening. I got home and started making notes on the 1950s script. Stayed up pretty late with that but it felt good.

This morning I'm ready to get going - had my apricot croissant and am pretty much done checking email accounts and suchlike. Oh and best of all I've added a day to my time here, so I'll be here Saturday as well. Best news all week.

Because at some point you just have to laugh.

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So I send out emails to request letters of reference for a full time job I've applied for, and one of my references is the director for the summer ESL program I taught for last year. She agreed to write my letter but also informed me that the powers that be have decided to put 12 students in a section and reduce the number of teachers this summer, so she doesn't know who has a job and who doesn't right now. Also, they will be canceling the program altogether after this year.

This gig was a crucial (as in $9200) part of my budget and if I'm out this summer, I'm not sure what's going to become of me. I suppose as far as band-aids go for the summer, I can approach the community college ESL program that has asked me to teach the last 2 summers.

Honestly, I've been playing this Academia game for the last 4 years now and I'm about done with it. If I don't get one of the full time jobs I've applied for, I'm going to apply for Funemployment and sit on my ass and write all day long every day until I sell something. Maybe will have to put most of my shit in storage and move into a smaller apartment. Screw that I'll move to a shack by the beach and just write all day long.

I'm in reactionary mode right now. This has to work in my favor somehow. An opportunity is hiding in here somewhere. I just have to see it.

But I gotta tell you that right now from where I sit, this really sucks.

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Writing Retreat - Day 2b

Spent much of today reading and taking notes on the structure of an hour TV drama. Read the pilot for BURN NOTICE and found a couple useful vid clips by the writer, Matt Nix. Also fixed my Firefox problems (bookmarks and home page). Went on a lovely walk before the rain started in. I haven't walked those woods in a year and a half; felt like I'd just left them. I had to find ways around the marshy bits (and fight off brambles en route), but it paid off to make it to the field and the pond. Here's a photo from one of my former stays at this place, spring of '07:



This time around I'm in that building you see on the far side of the pond. You can see why I love going back there... but after two visits in winter I'm ready for more blue skies and green meadows.

Tomorrow I teach at the community college in the morning, and I have papers to grade for that class so I'll spend the morning at home. I expect to get back to the colony around 1 p.m. tomorrow and will start finally writing the pilot I've got mapped out.

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Malaguena

I have a partial recording of my Dad playing Malaguena on his accordion and it is amazing. Wish I could get that in a format to post here... meantime you can enjoy Jose Feliciano

Space Age Pop

Space Age Pop makes me cry with joy.

Writing retreat - Day 2a

Stayed up until 1:30 this morning and finished off the work I wanted to get done for yesterday. I'm now at the point with my 1950s coming of age tomboy script that I need another set of eyes to tell me what sucks and what works. I'll meet with my writer's group next month but I want to get it to my friend who's a manager before then.

I'm going to set that aside for the time being and work on my TV pilot, I think. This is wading into uncharted waters for me, so a little intimidating, but I'm ready to sink or swim.

Still to come: key in all the changes I've noted on my sci fi. That blood sucker WILL get done before I leave end of week.

Just about done with my first cup of coffee; apricot croissant ingested. Let's get it on!

Writing Retreat - Day 1b

Today was difficult to crank up. I realized I'd left some important stuff at home so I took 30 minutes to run home for them. Came back and had difficulty focusing. Then it finally hit me later on - the last time I spent 5 days in that space was the week before Mom died. I hate to keep beating that drum, but it just goes to show you how far-reaching this has been. I cried on the drive home. Then stopped for Ben and Jerry's chocolate ice cream. I'm hoping that acknowledging those feelings and venting them a bit will make tomorrow feel a little more like a writing day. I DID get some good work done tonight, although I didn't finish my goal for the day.

If I'm not feeling substantially better tomorrow, I will ask about moving into a different studio (the one downstairs from my current space). We'll see how it washes.

Now am very tired even with the time change so I think I'll zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Writing Retreat - Day 1a

The day got started a little later because the director wasn't here this morning, but now I'm in the studio, I have everything set up to my liking, and I have consumed one damn fine apricot croissant (my breakfast of choice when I come here). It's almost noon. Crap.

Not sure what I want to start on first.... the overcast drizzle is keeping my head somewhat in the fog so I may just start out with some Yoga to get the blood flowing to my brain. When coffee isn't enough, there's always Yoga.

What I want...

A sexy dance party.

Because you need it. We all do.

Aloha!

Splash Lagoon continues to be one of my favorite places to play. This trip is different from last time. Last time was before Mom died, and it was more about jumping around and working out a lot of stress. This time is more mellow and is more about chilling and relaxing. The park is overrun with kids in the afternoon, but I discovered the "Tropical Courtyard" of the hotel, which has a beautiful pool, hot tub, and sauna, completely empty in the peak hours of the water park. It was glorious having the pool and hot tub to myself... I felt like a queen.

Almost had a conniption last night looking for the Sci Fi Channel on the hotel's cable line up but finally found it. I thought the BSG ep was uneven, though a major plot point finally moved forward. At this point the characters are starting to feel like parodies of themselves. And Starbuck's acceptance of her situation (no spoilers here!) was without any real motivation. That felt awkward, as far as her character arc. Adama has become as much a lush as Col. Tigh, and he had a Pacino-worthy over-the-top scene involving spackle and paint. I think Olmos was "PHONIN' IT IN!"

Oh - backtrack - went with a few of my students to see the midnight screening of WATCHMEN Thursday night. It was an impressive piece of film, though I do have a few quibbles. It was totally worth being up until after 3 a.m. the night before a road trip.

This weekend is shaping up to be a perfect primer for my writing retreat. I'm thinking about how I want to organize my days. I want to finish the two screenplays that are just about done and I want to get a grip on my Korea doco. There's also the TV pilot that I want to move forward on. So basically 12-14 hour days, which is what a retreat is for, right? I have to pick up some good food to keep on hand, as well as my Yoga mat so I can keep up with that.

I am very grateful for these opportunities to get my groove back.

Birthday Thoughts

So I turned 41 yesterday. How does it feel? Like I need to get the rest of my life lined up in my sights. The weekend with Rrrache was excellente ~ except for the Nor'easter that cancelled my morning flight and got me home very late in the day. Spending time with someone who knew me at the beginnings of my fledgling film "career" and who shares a vision and artistic voice was important.

I went out for drinks with PMP after work yesterday for my birthday, and that was nice. There was a live Irish band there (just a session) and I found out they're there every Tuesday night. I have me a new hang out for Tuesday nights.

Tomorrow night I am headed to a midnight screening of "Watchmen" with some of my crazy students. Then Friday I am driving to Splash Lagoon with Bizarro for a weekend of warm water, Margueritas and laziness. Excitamente!

Next week: another writing retreat! Huppah!

Planes + Ice = Suckitude

I spent a wonderful weekend on the Cape with Racheeee, which ended in a horrid day of travel during a Nor'easter. Morning flight was canceled, afternoon flights delayed. Sat on a tiny freezing cold prop plane at La Guardia for freaking forever while they had to jump the batteries (I kid you not) and then wait in line to be de-iced.

But the weekend itself was layered with beach, waves, memories, laughter, fun, dreaming for the future, wonderful food, and Wellfleet Oysters! Took a lot of video on the Flip, which I need to get onto a DVD for Rachel. Thank you so much Rachel! I look forward to our future projects and collaborations!

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

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