Update on Momazoo

Just back from Elmira and errands. Mom is doing better now, responding well to the dialysis treatment. She does get quite tired from the dialysis, which I understand is common and to be expected. I spoke with the kidney doc today and he seems to be satisfied with how she's doing.

This is a great relief, however at the same time, perhaps no one but those who have been through serious illnesses themselves or watched loved ones go through it have a clue how hard it is to see her like this. Despite how well things are going, respectively, I walked away from her room today and started crying on the spot. This is all quite a bit to take in alone. Today Bizarro was with me, and thank God for him, but basically I am the only one involved so closely with her situation. Quite frankly, it sucks that I am so alone in this.

However, I am very blessed to have such a devoted and loving legion of friends who have been very supportive. Special thanks to JEB for letting me rant and sob on the phone long distance, and to T. and N. for their efforts to help out with our transportation needs and for offering to look in on Mom while I'm in Korea. Pretty amazing to have that kind of support from someone who only knows my mom as "Ms Bizarro's mom." Thank you very much to those folks -- Love you gobs~

It does look like Mom will be going home on Tuesday, which also happens to be Bizarro's birthday. We'll see her home from the hospital and make sure she's comfortable, and I will be going back again on Wednesday. It seems likely that she'll be going to her first out-patient dialysis treatment at the other hospital in Elmira on Wednesday, so I will be picking her up and seeing her through that.

Bizarro and I had planned a weekend away, so depending on how mom is doing, we may still do that. We won't be that far away and I will still have cell service so I can leave at a moment's notice if I have to and be with mom within a couple hours, should the need arise.

I know I need to take care of myself, too, and after being in crisis/hospital mode for almost a week, I think the weekend's repose will be just the thing. Bizarro also has this week off, and we had planned to spend some time together (particularly since I'll be gone for 3 weeks).

I went grocery shopping this afternoon, which was overdue, and I'll be hitting the laundry tonight or tomorrow morning. I'll be driving to Elmira in the afternoon, so I will at least have the morning at home.

That's all the news that's fit to print for now. Time for a nap and Star Trek.

Too Much

I spent a large part of today getting mom admitted into the hospital. Her kidneys are down to about 10% now and they expect to start "emergency" dialysis in the next day or so.

On the one hand this is fucking awful news; on the other, it's a relief that it happened now, while I'm still here, and not three or four weeks from now when I'll be in Korea. Yeah, I'm still going. I already bought my ticket and I have all these interviews lined up and plans made to stay with people, etc.

By the time I leave on the 16th, mom should be stable and going to dialysis regularly on her own. They only expect to have her in the hospital for 4-5 days, to get the dialysis started and get her stable. They will be using a temporary port in her neck for that, but she will still need to get the surgery for the permanent fistula (port) in her arm that will be used for dialysis for the rest of her life.

The worst part is how much she hates being in the hospital. She burst out crying on the table at the kidney doctor's this morning when he annnounced that she'd have to be admitted.

I am exhausted and overwhelmed and I just realized as I sat down at my desk that there's a check to NYSEG sitting on my desk, which means that I must've put the fucking rent check in the envelope to NYSEG or Allstate this morning, so now there's another thing for me to have to fucking deal with.

I am taking a hot lavender and mineral bath, eating a bunch of chocolate chip cookies and milk, getting a foot massage from Bizarro and then going to bed.

This is going to be a loooooooog two weeks.

Kitteh Trekk

T-minus 21 days, and counting!

I will be leaving for NYC in 21 days, the 16th of July, flying to Korea on the 17th.

The next 3 weeks are going to be pretty nuts. All the weekends are busy with visiting and camping, and I'll be driving to Elmira three times in the next thee weeks -- this Thursday, next Monday, and the 12th -- for mom's doctors appointments and the day surgery to implant the dialysis port.

Luckily, I'm one of those people who likes to do things far in advance, so I've been buying gifts for people in Korea, and also my mom, whose burfday is the day after her surgery! I've also done a lot of planning work for the film (that's what I'm doing the most of these days) and getting stuff ready for our camping trip/live action role playing weekend (geeky, but tons of fun).

Bizarro's burfday is the 3rd, and he's got the week off, so we can spend some time together before I go to Korea. The camping/role play weekend is the 5-6-7 so we'll also be prepping for that next week.

Things are going well, though, despite the busyness. I'm also cramming Korean because I haven't cracked open a book or a flash card since my last tutoring session in May. Yipes!

Speaking of which, I better get myself going for the day. I dropped Bizarro off at work so I lost some of my usual morning time.

Yahoo for PMP's job and JEB's engagement!

Emo Crayons

Design for Dreaming

If you have about 10 minutes to kill, watch Design for Dreaming, 1956.

Iz Caturday!

T'Storm Warningz

Central NY has been under severe thunderstorm warnings all afternoon, as well as tornado watches. There has been cell after cell moving through - it pours and we lose power for a few seconds, then the sun comes out, then ten minutes later the sky is black again. Supposedly there was a funnel cloud spotted somewhere to the north west of our area. You haven't experienced a tornado until you live through one in the mid-west, though. Jeesh. Scary sh*t.

Things are going well for the EFL doco. I bought my ticket to Seoul yesterday, and I've started contacting teachers through the ESL boards and through the recruiter (who has come through for me in this regard). All is proceeding as I had foreseen.

Funniest Thing I've Ever Seen

Another step in the right direction

I had a wonderful meeting with the programming director at the community arts org. Looks like I'll teach a class for them this fall. The pay is peanuts, but I also talked with the director who wants to see a whole video program get started. If I'm on the ground floor of this, I can see great opportunity for creating a local filmmaking community here. This is exactly the kind of local involvement I've been craving, above and beyond teaching at colleges and universities. They seemed really impressed with me, my ideas and enthusiasm. I'm very psyched!

It's totally gorgeous outside - 70s, sunny, breezy. After I get some things done this afternoon I'm going for walkies.

Plan B

Now that the shock has barely worn off, I'm trying to collect myself (the pieces are everywhere) and get a grip. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. I can use my credit card to get the plane ticket and be reiumbursed with grant money later.
2. However, I still have to find a way to make money over there because I still have bills to pay.
3. Perhaps I go for 2 weeks instead of 3?
4. I can contact my Korea friends and ask them to set me up with privates (ESL tutoring that is) to make some mula.
5. All of the above
6. None of the above - scrap the whole thing.

Bizarro says I need to do it, I'm so close, I can't scrap it. I agree with him, in my heart, but I am also frustrated that I'm this close after months of planning and have a month to go with very little funding.

I'm checking into the possibility of summer camps again - this time on my own rather than through a recruiter. But the dates are still too late in August, so I really don't think that will work.

Back to the drawing board. I have a lot of work to do here.

Rant

Well, I had a feeling this was coming, and sure enough... the other shoe.

Got an email from the recruiter telling me they can't work with me on making a video promo BECAUSE THEY JUST MADE A PROMO LAST WEEK. What the hell, people? I've been talking about this with a rep from your company since FEBRUARY and you guys take the outline I gave you and made your own shitty Win-Doze video?

So now my back's against the wall. If this film is gonna get made, I'm going to put the plane ticket on the credit card and work my ass off when I get back to pay it off. I have one other possible save that I can dip into this fall, involving grant money, but that will take a while to procure. At any rate, I need to buy a fucking plane ticket to Korea now.

In a way it's a relief. I will only be there to make my film. No other bullshit work. At least all the other stuff has helped me get to this point, where I've started raising money and have everything in place to apply for grants, and I'm so close I can taste it. Hunger is good for the filmmaker's soul.

ADDENDUM: You better believe this whole story is going to make into the film!

It's Rainin' Jobs...Halleluja!

I am pretty damned psyched. I wrote a query letter to the local arts community center, proposing a class in screenwriting or documentary production. The programming director just called me and we have a meeting set up for Wednesday morning! This could do it for me - if they pay enough, I could maybe get by without driving to the Unviersity That's An Hour Away, which would suit me fine.

Also, I got an email from an international student who needs some editing done, so more free lancing for my doco coffers.

Thanks to the 'Verse!

Park Wars

You've probably seen it already, but it's worth seeing again. My favorite part is Aaron Neville singing "Ave Maria" at QuiGon's funeral. (hee)

South Park - SouthPark parody of Star Wars

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Werkin for a livin'

It's official - I will be teaching one section of screenwriting at the College on the Hill. I'm very pleased, and extremely curious as to what the situation is there that they need me. I'm nosy like that.

I'm very hopeful that I can also get a class at the Out of Town University this fall, which will put my income back to where it was last year (a little more than that, actually, as Out of Town University pays a bit better).

I have submitted a proposal to the Korean recruitment company and am now awaiting their reply. I have also managed to raise some funds from generous donors on this side of the Pacific. Family and friends, so far. I must have done something right in a past life, or must be a damn good salesperson, for my friends and fam to be so generous! Thank you to them - not that any of them read this blog - but they will be credited in the final credits.

Fry-Day

I remember that we'd always go out for fish fry on Friday when I was growing up. It was expected during Lent, but we did it often at other times of the year. Don't ask me why I'm talking about fish fries. I couldn't really tell you.

I spent the last 24 hours with Momazoo. The good news after her visit to the kidney guy yesterday morning is that her blood work came back improved. The bad news is that dialysis will be an eventuality for her. We're scheduling a consult and the day surgery with the surgeon who will put in the sistula (sp?) which is the port in her arm that will be used with the dialysis machine. After they get the port in her arm, she'll wait 3 months before it's ready for dialysis. If, on the other hand, her kidneys take a turn for the worse before then, she'll have to be admitted to the hospital and have a temporary thingie put into her neck for emergency dialysis. This is all very overwhelming for her, which is why I decided to go down for the day and stay overnight. I think my presence and asking questions and re-explaining things to her was very helpful.

I also think I have to seriously start looking into how and where to move her to Ithaca. I don't see her living completely independently for more than a couple years, to be honest. As it was, I did a lot of housework for her that she can't do - vacuuming, sweeping and mopping.

She was really unhappy about the dialysis option, but the doc explained that once she starts dialysis, her quality of life outside those 9 hours a week will be enhanced. She will have energy, she won't be so sleepy, etc. A lot of the symptoms she's been showing for the last couple months have been due to the kidney underfunction (not cleaning the blood). The dialysis is a huge pain in the ass, though. 3 x's a week, 3-hour sessions. Luckily, there is a new dialysis unit opening in the hospital that is connected to the apartment building she lives in, which will make it a lot easier for her.

On top of this, the date for seeing the surgeon for the consult and the surgery that will be scheduled soon after is uncomfortably close to the date I'd need to leave for Korea. We're trying to move up her appointment to be earlier so that I will be sure to be here for the surgery. It's only day surgery, but I'll need to drive her and make sure she's comfy. I would prefer to stay with her a couple days around that surgery to make sure there are no complications.

So this is all rattling around in my brain as I sort through other stuff going on in my life, which I'll write about in another post.

Thanks to those who have offered their support/prayers/kindness. This will be a long haul, I am sure, so all the moral support is most appreciated!

News on the job front

I had my interview with the Out of Town University ESL program, and it went exceedingly well. I really like what I saw of their program and the culture there, focused on students instead of inter-departmental politics. I also resonated with the language the director used to describe how teachers are encouraged to employ their own teaching styles and syllabi, rather than a prescribed curriculum. She said that if they need an additional Advanced Comp section in Fall, which is likely but of course not set in stone until the enrollment numbers come in, she would like me to teach. So there you have it. The only drag on this situation is the drive, which runs about an hour, maybe hour fifteen, one way. I don't mind so much now, but in the dead of Upstate NY winter, it will undoubtedly suck. But it's not like I didn't used to live in Rochester under five feet of snow for six months once before. I can handle the driving and the snow, esp. since I would only be there two days a week.

Onward and upward!

Fast Times

New Developments

The last 24 hours have been monumental in terms of my documentary. Here are the highlights:

1. Realized a great deal of stress was stemming from the recruiter's lack of response and seeming inability to secure me a job teaching English at a summer camp.
2. Realized I was feeling even ickier about teaching at such a camp whilst trying to make a movie. The summer camps require 8-10 hours a day, Monday through Saturday, for 3 weeks to a month. And when would I have time or energy to shoot a film?
3. Realized that this is MY movie and I need to take charge.
4. Contacted people I thought would be willing to lend or grant a few dollars to the cause. Right now my budget is around $2500 with airfare (everything else is in-kind).
5. Talked to said recruiter and told them I'm not interested in teaching, however they are still interested in me making a video for them. We'll see how that goes, and how much they will pay.

So, the long and short of it is that I am going to make a film, perhaps even two, and I'm not there to teach. This feels so much better in every way. I can focus on what I'm really there to do. This is the traditional filmmaker "beg, borrow, steal" code of making a movie, and I'm proud to carry on the tradition after the likes of Kevin Smith, Bruce Campbell, and scads of others with humble beginnings.

If you're reading this, and you've always wanted to help support a film and/or a filmmaker, please feel free to contact me and we'll talk. I have a proposal and budget which I will find a way to attach here. Any small bit of support would be accepted most gratefully.

Darth Carpet Bagger

Brain and Brain...

What is BRAIN?

Words to live and write by...

From What They Don't Teach You at Film School, by Camille Landau and Tiare White. This book was a gift from Bizarro, and it's one of the best reads on working as an indie filmmaker / writer. Here's the quote:

Society respects doctors, and the high standards for doctors are a sign of respect.

If you don't treat your writing, or other creative work, with a similar degree of serious respect, you're buying into the mythology of artists as flaky, marginal, and ultimately disposable members of society. If you don't practice, it's testimony to the fact that writing doesn't get society's respect, and it doesn't have yours.


Wow.

What day is it?

Don't worry, I'm not going start posting catz instead of actual blog entries.

All day today I've thought it's Friday, then I say "no silly, It's Thursday" but then I remember it IS Friday.

Missing time? Damned aliens, anyway.

This morning I heard from my recruiter again, and he's taken me up on my offer to be more involved with finding a summer camp to teach at. I sent him a few things I found here and there. Oh- got my passport yesterday. VERY swanky. Very patriotic with watermark images of bald eagles, totem poles, Mt. Rushmore, etc. You can tell the photo was taken in winter; my face is chubbier. I remember the day I had them taken. I was sick and feeling very wobbly.

I've also decided I need to be more entrepreneurial about finding a job here at home. I'm sending a query letter to the local community arts group to see if I can teach some classes in screenwriting and/or docu production. I've done it before at places like Boston Film/Video Foundation and Columbus Filmmakers' Consortium. I'll prolly send it off tomorrow.

It's hot as hell today. 93 degrees last I checked. Three days ago we were running around in sweaters and wellingtons for all the bastard cold rain.

I'm still waiting for Schadenfreude's (Mr. Club's Universe) "Friday is Conspiracy Day" post. Where is it? Wait, it IS Friday, right?

Alienz in mah lampz

LMAO

from www.icanhascheezburger.com

Git 'er done!

A lot of movement yesterday - found out my passport is on its way to me, heard from my recruiter in Korea (they're still looking for a good summer camp job), hung out with PMP and got caught up with her, finally watched "Say Anything" while sober.

I think a friend of mine tried showing me that movie like 15 years ago but I'd drunk too much whiskey and didn't remember much of anything. Pretty sad, I know.

Completely forgot to watch On The Lot this week. I'm busy with my own stuff, plus I pretty much ignore the TV in summer. Except for the Doctor Who Bizarro downloads (only a few episodes left this series), and when that's over, Torchwood starts up again (another British sci fi, a spin-off of the new Doctor Who).

We have this MVP membership at Hollywood video, so I'm going to grab an armful of movies this weekend and get caught up on some of the newer flicks I've missed out on.

The only summer film I'm interested in seeing is Waitress, and if I can ever get down to Fall Creek, I'd love to see Hot Fuzz. Maybe Bizarro and I can go on a date this weekend to see that.

OH - other good news is that I have an interview for an adjunct ESL position at a neighboring city's university. It's a bit of a hike, but if I would only be doing it 2-3 times a week, it wouldn't be so bad.

I also received an official rejection email yesterday for one of the full-time teaching positions I'd applied for, but it wasn't a surprise. I'm still hoping that writing department might be interested in hiring me as an adjunct (they did call me last year wanting to hire me but I already had a full plate).

Still some irons in the fire, so no worries.

Gotta get my day going here.

D-Day, June 6, 1944

We're just loaded with history today, aren't we?

See footage from the Beach at Normandie: History Channel

The Tank Man

No, it's not a sequel to "Tank Girl."

Yesterday marked the 18th anniversary of the events at Tiananmen Square. Last night I stayed up to watch Frontline's "The Tank Man." An excellent program that looks at those events and their far-reaching effects in China today. Too bad no one in China under the age of twenty seems to know about the Tank Man or anything else about the events that made their upwardly-mobile, middle-class existence possible.

It feels strange to know I walked in that very square (See the link for Adventures of the Jade Monkey in China to the right). I remember at the time not wanting to write too much about what had happened there, because I wasn't sure what kind of censorship was in place via email. As it was, I couldn't keep a blog because the authorities didn't at that time allow blogs (free speech, doncha know). I emailed my posts to Bizarro, who set up and managed the blog for me from home.

The truth is, it was hard to imagine the horror of those events while I was there. The square was mobbed with tourists, Chinese and foreign alike, and tons of people selling Mao wrist watches (where his arms are the clock hands - unreal), Red-star commie hats, parasols, kites etc.


--taken by one of my fellow teachers during our trip to Beijing.

Of course there were cameras everywhere, and there were military guards posted, but mainly it seemed geared to tourism. Of course, China is an economic juggernaut these days, so it's a different situation altogether. Despite the relative economic wealth of the east coast (farmers and inner-China are still very poor), there is still the lack of free speech.

So yes, it was strange, knowing those events had taken place on the same stones under my feet. But at the same time, I felt the ancientness of everything else (the Forbidden City, namely) that overshadowed the square.

I suppose those of us in the West are charged with remembering and knowing the significance of the massacre at Tiananmen Square, so that Tank Man and his bravery for defying authority with his life will not be forgotten.

Broad in the Beam

Yesterday I went to Mom's to take her to the doctor (she's doing okay, other than the high blood pressure which she just can't control no matter what meds she takes or how much she's on). Anyway, we had a delightful time before and after the doctor visit. I told her of my new exercise regimen (using the BALL and BAND) and she said it sounded good. She also said that I'm getting "Broad in the beam," which is a half-joking attempt to tell me I'm getting a WIDE ASS. I looked at her and said, "These are your genes, Ma." She laughed and responded "Yes, I know, I'm sorry. You'll want to take care of that now so you don't look like me when you're 80."

Indeed, I have other health considerations besides not looking like a model. Both mom and my Uncle Bill have Type B Diabetes, so I have to be careful about diet and exercise now if I'm going to try to avoid that fate.

I love the BALL and BAND. It makes exercise fun, which is good because I don't like exercise unless it's fun (dance, martial art, etc.). With the frakked up knee situation, I am barred from a lot of things I'd love to do (Tae Kwon Do and any other "hard" martial art, and many forms of dance that are hard impact). If I had more money this summer I'd get into a yoga class, but since I'm limited by funds as well, the BALL and BAND is a good alternative. And the pool has been approved by the health inspectors here, so once the temperatures get out of the SIXTIES (what the hell, is this April 6 or June 6??), I can also go swimming every day.

I've been reading about the G.I. -- Glycemic Index -- which is a nutritionists theory about how blood sugar (and the foods we eat) affects other aspects of our metabolism. This also dovetails into the Type B Diabetes, because hypoglycemia, which I've tended to have, can eventually lead to Diabetes. Essentially, the G.I. theory postulates that we should not be worrying about fat as much as sugar. Not a fad diet, but a reasonable, well-rounded diet that includes plenty of protein, and avoids sugars and carbs like white bread and potatoes.

Read more about it here. This supports what the acupuncture doctor told me last winter about eating three full meals a day with a serving of protein in each meal and avoiding snacks to allow 4 hours between meals to allow digestion to take place. If I've eaten a good meal, I won't crave snacks because my body will have what it needs.

Speaking of which, breakfast is calling...

The Grandmother Song

I've been trying to remember the words to this for a couple weeks, and finally thought to look it up online because, HEY! I have nothing better to do (squirm). This is one of Steve Martin's classics that still gets me in stitches:

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike
Be witty and happy and wise
Be honest and love all your neighbors
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant

Color Scheme

I've been messing around with the colors lately - sorry to give you a headache. I like what I have up now, so I think I'll keep it. For now.

Classics

This weekend Bizarro and I sat down and watched two classics from the early 70s: All The President's Men and M*A*S*H*

All The President's Men follows the two Washington Post reporters (played by Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford) who broke the Watergate story. There is no way that film could be made today in the same style. There were no car chases, no FBI agents skulking in bushes, no descending-from-the-ceiling-in-death-defying-espionage-escapades, not even any sex. Just the two guys doing their job and the editors trying to make the best decisions. No grandstanding or scmhaltzy speeches about "the good of the country." Can you imagine that kind of film appearing in today's theatres? Never happen.

M*A*S*H* was brilliant as well, and it had been long enough since I'd seen it that I couldn't remember some details, like the shot of Frank Burns, played by Robert Duvall, seen through the flames of a fire barrel as he's led off in a straightjacket. The brute amorality of war seems almost too cruel to laugh at, but you just can't help it when Hot Lips and Frank's forbidden tryst is broadcast throughout the camp (a prank their T.V. alter egos repeated in the series).

Those kind of films remind me why I love reading and writing screenplays. Robert Altman and William Goldman should be studied. I'll have to include scenes in my next screenwriting syllabus.