Daze of Summer

Memorial Day weekend went quickly and smoothly. We left for Cleveland at 5:15 a.m. on Saturday, then drove home at 6 a.m. on Monday. The driving was easy, and the visit was really fun. For once I got to see Cleveland when it wasn't raining or snowing. We went to Dunkin Donuts as much as possible, ate Chipotle with gusto, and made some productive purchases at MicroCenter and Kohl's. We have none of the above in Ithaca, so we had to make the most of our purchasing opportunities.

Today I'm feeling logi (logie ?) and headachy. I guess the weekend caught up with me.

But I'm getting some important things done, like getting a new doctor since mine is closing her practice in July. Gotta get some grokkereez later. It's hot as fcuk outside so I'm waiting until the sun goes down. I dont' know if the pool is open yet, but I will certainly check that out.

Here is today's dose of hilarity:

Look what happens when I stroke this!

If you have a better, funnier, dirtier caption for this photo, post it in the comments!

Chillen'

Yesterday morning I had my first "typical Ithaca summer day" experience. I met a good friend for coffee at GIMME COFFEE! and then we went to the East Lake shore to sit by the water for awhile, then a bit of shopping at the TJ MAXX. From there we went to the Green Star Co-Op and then went home for lunch. It's so nice to have the time and energy to experience the town I live in, finally! I did a quick workout with one of my colleagues and friends who is moving back to Arizona on Sunday. That was my day, with a huge nap in the afternoon.

I'm on a healthy diet and working out regularly, which makes me feel better than ever. I am intent on losing 20 lbs this summer. Of course, spending a weekend with my Filipino in-laws is going to blow my diet right out of the water. I can resist everything but those pork and shrimp egg rolls!

Here's something to inspire all of us dieters and exercise hounds:

Wow! This used be the fat in my thighs before I had liposuction!

Let Freedom Ring!

Today is my second day "out of the joint." Yesterday was a wash, dealing with the car repairs was a total nightmare and I don't want to relive and rehash it by writing it up here. Suffice it to say that we had been riding around in a death trap and didn't even know it. $750 later, it's ready to drive to Cleveland this weekend.

This morning I awoke early and discovered that there is the most marvelous sunlight in the office from 7:30 a.m. until around noon. I think I'll try to write during that time this summer. Maybe go for a swim to get woken up and then write for the rest of the morning.

I've discovered a fantastic website for retro-1950s stuff: www.plan59.com. Here's this week's image:

Beer Belongs!

New Hotness

Tomorrow is it! As Sinead put it "This is the last day of our acquaintance. Whoa-whoa-whoa" Can't believe the hellride is about done.

This weekend was one of indoor leisure, seeing as how it was freaking cold and windy. Worked out Friday night, sat around yesterday and got drunk off some red wine. Today I did some writing and organizing of my desk space. Made some home-made red sauce for spaghetti dinner and watched MiB on the tube. Not a bad weekend, all in all.

The only thing marring the weekend has been the absolute BULLSHIT over the 20th high school reunion I was helping to plan. There seem to be some egos and rather narrow-minded people who still want things their way. Wait, are we talking about 18 year olds or 38 year olds? Hmmmm... can't tell the difference IMO. One person shoots his mouth off - although I agree with his point, actually - but now the folks who have been working since November to get a reunion planned look like assholes, while the people with no imagination who seem to want to run everything (but play all innocent and act shocked when someone calls their shit) are playing it up and acting all noble. Fuckers. I hated high school and now I remember exactly why.

That's okay. I have other things - much more exciting and happy things - to focus on now. I'm writing, I'm teaching, I'm working on a video project for international education, I'm visiting my family in Cleveland and Boston this summer, and will do a retreat in June. May even take a bus trip to Philly to round things out in July. And I have a wonderful life with my HuzzBinnd. What more could I ask for?

Over the Hump

This morning I saw a bumper sticker that perfectly sums up how I feel about these last few days at work:

"Whaddya say we pop twelve yards of bubble wrap and call it a day?"

Exactamundo.

T-minus 38 hours and counting

That's how many hours I have left at this job. Actually, I hope to be going home a bit early on Monday. Weird that our last day before summer is a Monday, isn't it? Annoying, is what it is.

I decided not to pursue a summer teaching gig at the local community college. They emailed me late last week with an offer, and initially I'd hoped to teach only one of their summer sessions, but they wanted/needed me to teach two (June and July/August). The woman was going to look into that possibility and get back to me middle of this week, but after mulling it over last weekend I felt that I need to stick to my original plan for the summer. I really do need a break and some time to re-focus my sights and my energy. With Bizarro's job we aren't desperate for money (yeah, I say that now but what about next January when my student loan payments kick in?), and since he encouraged me to take the time I need for myself this summer, I figured "Who am I to be a martyr and be miserable for another month?"

That job would have entailed teaching for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, along with office hours and lots of written homework to grade/give feedback on. For 5 weeks in June. Too much after what I've just been through.

I'm looking forward to generating some tutoring gigs and getting my free lance work up an running. I have some ideas for my summer schedule and I'm really excited about establishing myself in my own element, rather than toiling under duress at someone else's ideals and goals, under someone else's "management." Yay, me!

I've been in a rather black mood the last few days. Having to be here for this final week has seemed like a giant hurdle to jump, one final leap of herculean strength before being able to walk away from this place and start healing. I know that's very dramatic, and I have been known to be a drama queen in the past (my huzzbind opens his eyes wide "Nooooo, REALLY?"). Seriously, there is something almost tangible about this environment, after the long year of misery, anger, frustration and desperation, that tears me down inside, still.

So, I've adopted a laissez-faire attitude about everything for the rest of the week. I'll do the bare minimum (since I do have to come back and teach in August, so must not be full of too much attitude) and that's all I'm gonna do.

Okay, I need to get some hot tea. It's freezing up here (another environmental factor to being unhappy here - it's always cold back here no matter if it's 75 degrees out, which granted today it is definitely not).

More later.

Transition Sucks

The last couple days have been a bit of a downer for the Big E. I know I was getting over a cold, but it was more than that. Things sort of snow balled yesterday when I realized that in two separate circumstances, I've been holding back my real feelings and opinions for fear of hurting the other parties involved. It's weird, that on the same day both things, totally unrelated, converged in my mind. So I'm back to looking at my apparent inability to set up boundaries and walk away from things that are unhealthy for me. My whole life I've been the "peacekeeper" and I have strived for harmony no matter what else. I really do think I was Korean and/or Chinese in my past lives, because protecting harmony at all costs is such a Confucian ethic.

Anyway, my new personal growth focus is to be aware of these situations before they get so yucky that I end up in tears at my desk, as I did yesterday. Recognizing that I can and SHOULD take care of myself by putting boundaries where they need to be is perfectly acceptable, and if it means rocking the boat a little by stating the truth of my feelings on the matter, then maybe that's okay too.

So much for deep thoughts.

The other thing that's going on is that I'm suddenly in this 9-5 schedule and I'm not teaching. It's all project work, which on the surface sounds like "Yeah, Baby!" but the reality is that I'm bored to tears and really really want this to be OVAH. My sleeping schedule has been off, but I think I finally got myself back on track with the help of my little friend melatonin.

But let's not leave things on a sour note. It's Spring, and we're about to get a few days of Spring rain. I can see birds roosting outside my window at work, and I have a very clean carpet at home thanks to the new vacuum I bought at Sears the other night. I only have a week and half left here and then it's time to take a break and regroup.

I must take some form of trip this summer, by myself, as a sort of retreat. Don't know where or what I can afford, yet. I have plenty of places I could go but it's so damned expensive to travel these days. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Current CD playing: "Barry White's Greatest Hits"

Yeah, Baby.

Great Big Sucking Machine

I realize there are a number of ways to interpret that title, but in this case I am referring to the new vacuum I purchased after work today. I went to the local Sears and Roebuck Company, at which establishment I hold credit. I know I'm married now. I was actually excited about buying a vaccuum that isn't a hand-me-down or borrowed from a landlord. I came home, set it up, and ran the thing over the entire apartment. These carpets look like the day we moved in. Hairballz are gone! Lint ballz are history! I am very pleased.

This week is pretty easy. Just finishing projects and paperwork. Done at 4:30 every day. I am really looking forward to walking out of there at 4:30 on the 22nd.

I'm going to streak my hair and use cherry red dye, in honor of returning to my filmmaking/screenwriting dreams. I will also be swimming every day and by the time I start teaching in the fall, I will be in great shape. Oh, I have plans this summer!

Also excited about going to Cleveland for Memorial Day weekend. I like road tripping and by then we'll have the car serviced and it'll be a nice drive. As long as I keep Bizarro in check. <:|

Almost time for the Shat.

Blogworthiness Scale: 11 out of 10

As The Dude so aptly put it in The Big Lebowski , "New shit has come to light!"

Yesterday, after a volley of emails and a long phone conversation, an old friend of mine told me that he has been a cross dresser for many years. It came as a total surprise to me, since this guy has always been a "man's man," being in law enforcement and stuff. In high school, he was in the crowd of guys really into guns and military stuff. (And yet somehow, despite the stereotype, they were the only really nice guys in my school. I got along with them very well, unlike the schmucks that pranced around like peacocks.)

As he explains it, cross dressing is actually more common than one would think among the "manly" professions, perhaps as an outlet for the uber-masculine self-image those guys have carried with them their whole lives. Or, perhaps the uber-masculine role is a psychological rebuttal to the feminine end of the spectrum that our society doesn't appreciate in men.

Anyway, I'm really happy that my friend is coming to grips with this part of his life and is sharing with friends and family. Kudos!

Now I have someone to give my handmedowns to.

This is the end...

Well, almost the end. One ending in a line-up of endings, in fact. Tonight I taught my last regular class for this program (not counting the summer intensive in August). I admit I feel a twinge of melancholy - I really like teaching ESL and I will miss it dearly if I can't find a way to keep my feet in both worlds (film and ESL). My students were great this semester, and I feel like I really did help most of them to improve their English speaking skills. Most of them worked very hard and I really appreciate having students who are that invested.

I don't know what to expect at the new gig teaching screenwriting. My impression of undergrads in the last few years hasn't been very positive - even when I taught film and video at a private college in Ohio the students were mostly whiny and the grade inflation was astronomical. I guess I just have to be ready for that if it comes. For my new gig, I am intent on teaching them how to tell stories. I don't care what their grades are and I'll give them whatever grade my department says I need to. Because it's screenwriting, and not a science or skill-based content, there's a lot of wiggle room for what constitutes an A.

Well anyway, my time here draws ever more to a close. For the rest of this week I have my last student conferences, then the next two weeks will be pure project-work and screening interviews.

I've been thinking about the summer... how I want to arrange myself. I really think I should just take the entire month of June OFF - as in no tutoring or other work stuff. Just my own creative projects and relaxation. I'm thinking about going to see my brother and his family in Boston for the first weekend of June, but "travel costs money, Comrade Mother." Hm. There's still the possibility that we'll go to Cleveland for Memorial Day weekend, which would make a trip to Boston the following weekend a bit too much of a stretch. I need to relax. Although, I find traveling to be relaxing... well anyway. We'll see.

First thing's first:

1. Get the car tuned up and have the window repaired.
2. Pay off the NYSEG f*ckrz
3. Finish my shoestring-budget video equipment list

Okay, just about time to go home tonight.

Sleep Deprived

Man, what a night. The crabby flag was flying high after I got home from mom's yesterday afternoon. Suddenly it was 7:00 on Sunday and I had no idea where the weekend had disappeared to. I became royally grumpy and felt a dark dread in the pit of my soul at the prospect of Monday Morning. Not only is this going to be a hellish week at work, but I had to get up really early to pay some bills this morning (so the electricity isn't shut off). I barely slept last night, tossing and turning first in bed then on the futon - truly I don't know how many hours I actually got but I have that woozey-sick stomach "I need to sleep another 5 hours" feeling this morning at 8:30. This is not going to be a fun day. To top it off, I have my exit interview today (which was rescheduled from a calendar debacle last Wed. that really pissed me off).

Last night I had to give myself a pep talk about getting through the next 3 weeks. They really ask a lot of us there, and the amount of work I have to cram into 2 weeks is crazy, on top of finishing the last week of classes and student evals. I actually did finish my student eval forms by the deadline, which was last Friday. I sent them off to the Boss Lady before I left for the day. At 10:00 last night she sent me an email saying the "EDITS" would be in my box this morning. I've never taught in a program in which the supervisor actually edits and changes content for student evals. It's just one more way that this job reveals the B.S. ass-covering techniques required to survive in this particular institution of higher ed. I despise it.

Well anyway, today won't be nearly as bad as my attitude. Actually, despite my venting here, I'm in pretty good spirits after last night. My pep talk worked and I just have to keep in mind that I am already moving on to something better. The one thing that keeps nagging at my mind is the summer program I've already committed to working. However, that's not for another 3 months and I will really be in a different headspace by the time that happens. I can handle it.

Right! Breakfast and then a nap, then on with the day.