Last few hours of '07

Just want to say thanks to my Fred In the Can readers, and happy new year. Be safe out there tonight.


Sunrise at Gangeulgot, S. Korea, where the sun rises first on East Asia.

Bitter:Sweet

Some retro-swank for your enjoyment:

http://www.bittersweetmusic.com/

Many of their complete tracks are available by clicking on music.

Also, you can hear part of "The Mating Game" on the Korbel commercial that's on TV these days.

The Final Countdown

Only a couple days left of 2007. Let's review, shall we?

The first half of '07 was great: I was teaching 2 sections of screenwriting and getting some of my own writing done. Went on my first writing retreat in the spring and got a couple pieces done. Spent most of the summer planning for the trip to Korea for my documentary. Got in a 2nd retreat at the end of summer.

The second half of '07 was less than ideal: mom went into the hospital with renal failure, I took a job out of town that paid me in monopoly money, I went to Korea during a brutal heat wave and ended up stuck with my travel plans canceled because of circumstances beyond my control, continued to deal with mom's health issues, splashed bacon grease on my face and neck, got screwed for grant money from work, my screenwriting class canceled for next semester, and gained more weight, putting me into a size 14 jeans.

Now the good news is that the past is the past, and after this post I shall think of these things no more. The book of 2007 is about to close forever. It's time to think of the coming year, and what I want it to look like.

So, without further ado...

My Intentions for 2008, in no particular order

- Finish revising Sentinel Station
- Complete first two drafts of Beauty Is...
- Renew my free lance writing career, even if it's only publishing 1 or 2 features
- Obtain a job that pays me what I'm worth and fulfills some aspect of my potential, whether it's a full- or part-time, teaching or non-teaching position.
- Find an exercise/health routine that works for me so that I can lose 20 lbs.
- Continue practicing Dharma with a focus on being compassionate to myself as well as all other sentient beings.
- Make a schedule that enables me to keep my priorities straight, such that I'm not cleaning the house when I should be writing. This entails establishing a routine for writing that won't be usurped by mere procrastination.
- Make a trip to Massachusetts with Bizarro so that he can see parts of New England, my old stomping grounds, and meet the rest of my family.
- Stay on my budget so that I can put some money away for a rainy day.
- Stop taking responsibility for absolutely everything that doesn't go as desired in this world!
- Drink more water.
- Eat fewer cookies.
- Spend more time outside.
- Make a new friend.
- Watch classic movies that those film studies kids know about but we production kids didn't necessarily watch and study in film school.
- Read more screenplays.
- Go swimming more often this summer.

Wow, that's quite a list, and I think if I let myself I would keep going. Well, it's a start.

I am optimistic that 2008 will be a better year for everyone. I know I'm not the only one who had troubles this past year. My prayer for 2008, modified from its original form:

"Grant us the strength to change the things we can, the serenity to accept the things we can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Happy Holidays!

It's the eve of Xmas Eve, which means tomorrow we're heading to Momazoo's for a couple days and I'll be incommunicado.

Have a safe, warm, peaceful holiday week, everyone.

Science Fiction ca. 1900

Moving Sidewalks

Reflection

So -- the semester is over and I am officially on winter break. This week I have taken time to work on a couple outstanding issues and have also allowed myself to sleep in. My body is craving sleep.

I've also started meditating again, and it has helped tremendously. I need to keep up that practice even - especially - when things get hairy.

I had an epiphany in the car on the way to mom's the other day. I realized that a lot of my hardship springs from a deeply-seated and unconscious attempt to blame myself for just about everything. My current situation isn't ideal, but it's not horrible or hopeless. Nevertheless, I've been flagellating myself psychologically for somehow being at fault for the current situation. In other words, blaming myself for making bad decisions that have led me to a disasterous present. This faulty thinking assumes two things, incorrectly: 1. the present is a disaster and 2. I could've made better decisions.

I know I had tough choices to make, but I honestly don't feel that I made any bad choices in the last 5 years. Some of those choices Bizarro and I made together, like coming here to I-town, and I don't regret a single one of them.

So what the fuck am I beating myself up for? I've actually made strides in the last few years. Just because I'm not living in a mansion or have 3 kids doesn't mean I've somehow made poor choices.

I am living the life of an academic - and it ain't an easy life. That's just a fact. It's not because I did anything wrong or have incurred the Wrath of the Universe which is therefore punishing me. That's ridiculous - and yet there has been a train of thought running around my brain that's been telling me just that. Consequently, I've been feeling worse about everything that has happened in the last few months.
I've taken it all very personally, which is so un-Buddhist-like that I have to laugh at my own folly!

Ever hear of The Four Agreements? One of them is to not take anything personally. That's a big one for me, since I seem to take EVERYTHING personally.

Moving forward, then, I agree not to take things personally and remember that "life is suffering" which means I don't have to blame myself for every little bump and hairpin turn that comes along. That's not to say I shouldn't be responsible or make decisions carefully - these I already do - but since I do, I need to not cling to the illusion that I can somehow fuck it up by being who I am.

Happy Christmas 1968

The year I was born...



(for your listening pleasure)

Why I am the way I am...

This was from an episode of Space: 1999, which I watched religiously as a kid. The video you are about to see sent me flying behind the easy chair because it was SO DAMNED SCARY. Remember, I was 8.

How far will they go?

I caught this headline this morning and it struck me as both sad and ridiculous at the same time. Maybe the Catholic Church could take a page from these Japanese Buddhists:

Buddhist Fashion Show in Japan.

Stingray!

Watch this and then JUST TRY not to sing the tune afterwards!

Procrastination is a wonderful thing

This is from a new find of mine: The Swank Pad. Right up my alley!

White Stuff

It be snowin' like a mutha. My plans with PMP for tonight have been put on hold thanks to this frakkin' snow, and she says she may be leaving town tomorrow instead of Saturday. Sucky! She'll be gone for a month or so, and that's a long time with no PMP.

I am ensconced on my futon with all my grading. Listening to the Lite Rock station - the only station that seems to play Christmas music. I have to sit through all the shitty lite rock garbage to hear the xmas tunes. And I'm still waiting for my favorite rock xmas tune: Paul McCartney's "Simply having... a wonderful Christmas time." They didn't even play the REAL John Lennon "War is Over" cut - they played some lousy remake.

Kay. Back to grading.

Too Much Meaty Goodness

Yesterday I went grocery shopping. I usually hit the Aldi first, then the Tops for things that I can't find at Aldi (like Kefir and tofu and organic shit). I was walking by the case of frozen meetce at Tops and my eye was drawn to a box of frozen turkey burger patties. I was instantly gripped with the thought that I needed to eat turkey burgers for dinner, so I shoved the box into my hand-basket and went in search of kaiser rolls in the bakery.

Of course there are two things to remember here: 1. I hadn't had lunch, and my stomach was so empty it hurt. Of course I was violating the cardinal rule for grocery shopping - never go on an empty stomach. and 2. The Box contains 12 quarter pounders.

After I got home and took a nap, I was still feeling woozey from lack of food. Not willing to wait until Bizarro got home from work, I decided it was time for my burgers. So I took out TWO of those quarter pounders (= a half pound of meetce) and did them up in the toaster oven with provolone cheese, and dressed the rolls with ketchup, onion and greens. Of course the toaster oven isn't the best venue for cooking burgers - the patties just end up drowning in their own fat and juice. I scraped all that off and put my two burgers together. And then... I eated them. Both.

My digestive tract is still on the edge of rebellion, and it's well over 12 hours later. Ugh. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Bringing Balance to the Force

I am finally starting to feel normal again. I am feeling more centered and balanced, psychologically, and perhaps emotionally as well. I've spent the last few days focused on my home and my personal and professional clean-up. It feels good.

Nick at Knight

This past weekend I allowed myself for the first time in months to completely shut out the real world and just chillax in my pad. Me and Bizarro sat down to watch the entire first season of a show called Forever Knight, a cult vampire show from the early/mid-90s. I remember staying up til 1 in the morning to watch it with my Mom. She had a nickname for the evil bad guy of the show, LaCroix: Blondie. The main character is Nick Knight, a vampire with a conscience who works as a Metro homicide detective while his coroner gal pal concocts a program for him to physically regain his humanity. That shit lasted 3 seasons! The stories were campy and fun, the acting was often awful but it worked within the cult campiness of the whole arrangement. And when I was 24 I had a crush on the actor who played Nick, Geraint Wyn Davies, as well as his vampire love Janette, played by Deborah Duchene.

Ah, those were simpler days... staying up until 1:00 a.m. to watch syndicated cult TV shows.

No Words

(yes, that is a KNITTED sweater)

One Down...

Today was my last day at Out of Town University. I handed in my grades after meeting with my students for the last time, and then off I went, never looking back.

The morning drive was very pretty, actually, with snow and ice clinging to every wisp and branch in the morning sun. The roads were clear, which was a relief, seeing as how I drove through a frakking snowstorm on Tuesday.

Stopped at the grocery store on the way home, then a car wash (ew salt), then home to find my door was completely unlocked, and all the doors inside were wide open, thus destroying the system we've developed for preserving the precious little heat we are afforded here in the Beehive.

I got into my email and had looked at 2 of the 13 in my inbox when the internet went out. The Cable Guys showed up shortly thereafter and informed me that they were updating the service, etc. etc. and hadn't the apartment manager sent notices around? It was they who had been in and out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked and all the doors inside open to let the heat escape. Not to mention opening the front door 90 billion times. It's only 4:00 and already it's chillier than it should be in here.

I never ate lunch, either.

Then I found out I missed my friend R's birthday yesterday. I am sorry I missed it, but jumpin' jeezus on a pogo stick I've had shit raining down on me non-stop for the last month and it's all I can do to keep my sanity. It didn't dawn on me that it was Dec. 5 = R's birthday. I was grading papers and assigning final grades for Out of Town University when I wasn't teaching at the Other School on the Hill.

I've begun taking the little blue pills for seasonal affective disorder and I hope they kick in soon.

Swank

You should browse the entire site of swanky goodness, starting here.

Pork. The beginning of the end.

SMJ has a running gag on her blog about "The Pork Products of the Apocalypse Tarot." Read all about it here and be prepared to fall over laughing.

Snow

I drove in it. Big time. This morning to Out of Town University. Coming home was treacherous. Thank Gawd I only have one more day of this drive!

Now must grade... hot cocoa and popcorn... a little Jack in m cocoa...

Some Useful Perspective

I decided not to let the past week's downturns affect me. The important thing is that I have a new teaching job for next semester, and who knows, it might turn into something more lucrative AND reliable. And if not, at least I've got something nailed for the next 6 months.

My Exec. Producer is scheming other ways to get the money from the grant committee. I'm waiting to hear from him now, and in the meantime, I'm looking at other funding sources (which I was going to do anyway, since there is still a lot of funds I'm out from the summer). And, I'm giving it to the Universe.

I only ranted for one day, so that's an improvement. There was a time in my life that that kind of news would have kept me down for a few weeks, as those who've known me a long time can attest to. So this, too, is good.

Today we're putting up the holiday tree! Salty Miss Jill and her hubby are coming over later to partake. I have rum and eggnog at the ready, and some tasty treats as well. The weather is pretty cold and snowy, as you know if you've looked at the news today, so it'll be a good night to get a fire going in the fireplace and hunker down with good friends, holiday spirit(s), and my own sweet Bizarro. I wish PMP could be here, too, but I'm sure she's having fun in The City That Never Sleeps.

I was supposed to visit Momazoo tomorrow, but the weather is supposed to get even nastier, so I will probably be sticking around here, getting some laundry, grading and other school stuff done. Probably just as well.

One more week of Out of Town University, then I can focus on winding down the other job, then it's Winter Break! Soon I will post all the plans I have for Break. Be assured that among them is some much-needed and well-deserved R&R.